Being an alcoholic and living with one?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 190
Being an alcoholic and living with one?
Hi everyone,
Just curious to see if anyone has dealt with this before. I currently live with my dad, grandmother, and sister. My grandmother used to drink all the time, but she quit and seems to have substituted her addiction onto gambling. My sister has never touched a drop of alcohol. My father, on the other hand, has been drinking on and off for as long as I can remember. He has gone through cycles of sobriety for a while and relapse plenty of times, and currently he is on the former. Its a trigger for me because it just bothers me when hes drunk. You can tell. He chats with everyone so much more then normal, slurs his speech, laughs at everything, etc. I feel as if its not the fact that alcohol in the house is the issue, its just his behavior which annoys me a great deal. I don't even want to talk to him when he is like that. I tend to be very short with him and not engage him anyway I can, but that doesn't help much. It angers me a great deal and I can't pinpoint why. My family doesn't really share the same reaction as I do. Don't get me wrong, I love him and hate to see what he is doing to himself, and he is a wonderful person sober and I want to see him that way permanently, but the only way I feel I can deal with him drunk is drinking myself. I can leave the house temporarily, but I eventually have to come home at some point. I guess if I could just remove this deeply angered and troubled feeling interacting with him when he drinks, I would be fine. Moving out isn't an immediate option either at the moment due to finances. Anyone here ever gone through this have any tips? He says he wants to stop, and tries to go to meetings when he can, but doesn't really participate in the steps from what I can tell. I went to a meeting with him one night, and it seemed sort of awkward for me socially.
The weird part is I also did the same thing with my ex girlfriend. She had a different substance of choice which was marijuana(and at one point, coke). I really hated when she was under the influence, and I coped with it by drinking for similar reasons. I feel like a such a hypocrite for somewhat considering that I am an alcoholic. The problem, at least I think, I was passive aggressive and didn't stand up to it directly. She was going through a rough time, and I would stay at her place lot, and felt I was stuck because she seemed suicidal and said how happy she was that I was there for her and things like that.
I want to be sober and live a healthy lifestyle but this has been bothering me and I have been making poor decisions to cope with it(I can't blame anyone but myself for a relapse, but I feel I need ideas for coping mechanisms).
Just curious to see if anyone has dealt with this before. I currently live with my dad, grandmother, and sister. My grandmother used to drink all the time, but she quit and seems to have substituted her addiction onto gambling. My sister has never touched a drop of alcohol. My father, on the other hand, has been drinking on and off for as long as I can remember. He has gone through cycles of sobriety for a while and relapse plenty of times, and currently he is on the former. Its a trigger for me because it just bothers me when hes drunk. You can tell. He chats with everyone so much more then normal, slurs his speech, laughs at everything, etc. I feel as if its not the fact that alcohol in the house is the issue, its just his behavior which annoys me a great deal. I don't even want to talk to him when he is like that. I tend to be very short with him and not engage him anyway I can, but that doesn't help much. It angers me a great deal and I can't pinpoint why. My family doesn't really share the same reaction as I do. Don't get me wrong, I love him and hate to see what he is doing to himself, and he is a wonderful person sober and I want to see him that way permanently, but the only way I feel I can deal with him drunk is drinking myself. I can leave the house temporarily, but I eventually have to come home at some point. I guess if I could just remove this deeply angered and troubled feeling interacting with him when he drinks, I would be fine. Moving out isn't an immediate option either at the moment due to finances. Anyone here ever gone through this have any tips? He says he wants to stop, and tries to go to meetings when he can, but doesn't really participate in the steps from what I can tell. I went to a meeting with him one night, and it seemed sort of awkward for me socially.
The weird part is I also did the same thing with my ex girlfriend. She had a different substance of choice which was marijuana(and at one point, coke). I really hated when she was under the influence, and I coped with it by drinking for similar reasons. I feel like a such a hypocrite for somewhat considering that I am an alcoholic. The problem, at least I think, I was passive aggressive and didn't stand up to it directly. She was going through a rough time, and I would stay at her place lot, and felt I was stuck because she seemed suicidal and said how happy she was that I was there for her and things like that.
I want to be sober and live a healthy lifestyle but this has been bothering me and I have been making poor decisions to cope with it(I can't blame anyone but myself for a relapse, but I feel I need ideas for coping mechanisms).
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 37
Mate, one of the great things you have done is log on here and articulate yourself and unload about home life. I think it will help you clear your head and help you deal with the situation you are in.
I don't have any suggestions for your current arrangements, but please keep using this place!
I don't have any suggestions for your current arrangements, but please keep using this place!
Keeping it simple!
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Surrey, BC
Posts: 3,282
Can you move out? Personally I don't think I could have quit if I was living with someone who had the same problem as me. I'm pretty sure I would have used it as an excuse to keep drinking. I was so thankful my daughter and her husband let me move in with them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: NY
Posts: 190
It definitely is my goal to move. Its just right this second, I can't really afford to get a place on my own, although I can start making strides to achieve that. In the mean time though, its just weird that his behavior is more so a trigger then the fact that he has a bottle of booze in the house. I've used it as an excuse to drink before, and it seemed to "work temporarily", but waking up sick with a hang over just makes things worse.
What I should do I am thinking is, rather then use it as an excuse to drink, I will use it as "an excuse" to go to a meeting, get me out of the house, and socialize
What I should do I am thinking is, rather then use it as an excuse to drink, I will use it as "an excuse" to go to a meeting, get me out of the house, and socialize
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
I think if I were you and I could not move out I would just have to find my own space somewhere else in the house.
Whether that is your own room, an empty room, even sitting in the garden or car.
This might prompt him to ask why you are doing this then you can have a chat about his drinking and how it makes you feel and then he can decide if thats a strong enough reason to stop.
Ultimately it sounds like you would be best finding company (friends, relationships etc..) with people that don't use substances in the future. It seems like the best way to safe guard your sobriety.
Whether that is your own room, an empty room, even sitting in the garden or car.
This might prompt him to ask why you are doing this then you can have a chat about his drinking and how it makes you feel and then he can decide if thats a strong enough reason to stop.
Ultimately it sounds like you would be best finding company (friends, relationships etc..) with people that don't use substances in the future. It seems like the best way to safe guard your sobriety.
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