dying, grieving and drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Milwaukee, WI
Posts: 104
dying, grieving and drinking.
Happy Early Morning,
I wrote this for my dad yesterday--I am not a great poet but this is simple and sincere.
Dad,
It’s hard to believe it was almost a year ago today
because I never thought you would go away.
So young and so wise
to meet such an early demise.
Your jokes, your wisdom and your drive
always having the ability to help me thrive.
The memories we made through the years
will remain in my thoughts and at times, bring me to tears.
There is nothing that can tear us apart
because you, Dad, will forever have a place in my heart.
Love your daughter.
Well, superbowl sunday was the 1yr anniversary of my dad's death at 65yrs old; 2 years after my mom's death at 63 yrs old. I am 45 and I was super close to both of them. My mom survived many serious illnesses and succumbed to lung cancer. She lived 6 hours away and she kept how serious it was from all of us kids. 1 week before she died, she was still going on our annual bowling tournament and she died 4 days later. I was able to say goodbye to her at the hospital but I was not able to cope at all. I had been drinking for a good 6months when she was diagnosed and I continued another 6months after she died. I rendered myself useless to grieve myself, let alone be supportive of my siblings and my dad. I drank 30 minutes before she died in the bathroom. I had lots of guilt that I hadn't had a final coherent face to face. I was in therapy, etc. but I wasn't using the coping skills that were recommended. I isolated and I drank and the more I drank the more my family isolated themselves from me. Long story short, after about 2 years, I was finally able to forgive and move on. At that time, my dad was diagnosed with a degenerative disease similar to Lou Gehrig's. My parents had known each other since they were 13 and married for 47 years. So, we just thought my dad was depressed. He left their dream retirement home in the northern woods and had to live with my sister in another state. When my mom was sick, I stayed away because I couldn't deal. With my dad, I wasn't going to do that. I tried talking to him as much as I could. Christmas 2011, I spent time with him. Before I went, I wrote a nice book thanking him for being such a good man and father. I gave it to my sister and told her to give it to him to read. My sis said he cried like a baby when he read it. We had our last face to face talk during those days. He died 5 weeks later. It was expected but not expected. I was able to cope much better with his death and I had had long periods of sobriety between my mom's and my dad's death.
Long story short, I got out of the fog of drinking and learned to give more of myself and I would receive in return.
This afternoon I decided to call my sister and she was hyper and talking and talking(avoiding the topic of my dad)..not really listening to anything I said. I just let her talk..it was about stupid stuff. We haven't actually communicated besides facebook for a good month. Finally, after almost 1.5 hours of that...my sister started to break down completely. I was actual the support; sober and engaged. In the past, I would have already been drunk or drinking while on the phone talking. In the end, useless. I made it clear that she should call me at anytime. She did for another 2 hours and she really let it go. There were lots of details but she said that her therapist said she should seek out her sister and I told her I am now physically, mentally and emotionally able to be there for her needing nothing in return. There isn't the "what about me" as in the past.
I shared how I used the 13 statements from WFS with her and said it was something that I have been following and it has really helped. My sis isn't an alcoholic but could go that way. It was great to not be "self-centered" and be the rock for my sis.
Happiness is truly created......
Thanks for reading,
gig
I wrote this for my dad yesterday--I am not a great poet but this is simple and sincere.
Dad,
It’s hard to believe it was almost a year ago today
because I never thought you would go away.
So young and so wise
to meet such an early demise.
Your jokes, your wisdom and your drive
always having the ability to help me thrive.
The memories we made through the years
will remain in my thoughts and at times, bring me to tears.
There is nothing that can tear us apart
because you, Dad, will forever have a place in my heart.
Love your daughter.
Well, superbowl sunday was the 1yr anniversary of my dad's death at 65yrs old; 2 years after my mom's death at 63 yrs old. I am 45 and I was super close to both of them. My mom survived many serious illnesses and succumbed to lung cancer. She lived 6 hours away and she kept how serious it was from all of us kids. 1 week before she died, she was still going on our annual bowling tournament and she died 4 days later. I was able to say goodbye to her at the hospital but I was not able to cope at all. I had been drinking for a good 6months when she was diagnosed and I continued another 6months after she died. I rendered myself useless to grieve myself, let alone be supportive of my siblings and my dad. I drank 30 minutes before she died in the bathroom. I had lots of guilt that I hadn't had a final coherent face to face. I was in therapy, etc. but I wasn't using the coping skills that were recommended. I isolated and I drank and the more I drank the more my family isolated themselves from me. Long story short, after about 2 years, I was finally able to forgive and move on. At that time, my dad was diagnosed with a degenerative disease similar to Lou Gehrig's. My parents had known each other since they were 13 and married for 47 years. So, we just thought my dad was depressed. He left their dream retirement home in the northern woods and had to live with my sister in another state. When my mom was sick, I stayed away because I couldn't deal. With my dad, I wasn't going to do that. I tried talking to him as much as I could. Christmas 2011, I spent time with him. Before I went, I wrote a nice book thanking him for being such a good man and father. I gave it to my sister and told her to give it to him to read. My sis said he cried like a baby when he read it. We had our last face to face talk during those days. He died 5 weeks later. It was expected but not expected. I was able to cope much better with his death and I had had long periods of sobriety between my mom's and my dad's death.
Long story short, I got out of the fog of drinking and learned to give more of myself and I would receive in return.
This afternoon I decided to call my sister and she was hyper and talking and talking(avoiding the topic of my dad)..not really listening to anything I said. I just let her talk..it was about stupid stuff. We haven't actually communicated besides facebook for a good month. Finally, after almost 1.5 hours of that...my sister started to break down completely. I was actual the support; sober and engaged. In the past, I would have already been drunk or drinking while on the phone talking. In the end, useless. I made it clear that she should call me at anytime. She did for another 2 hours and she really let it go. There were lots of details but she said that her therapist said she should seek out her sister and I told her I am now physically, mentally and emotionally able to be there for her needing nothing in return. There isn't the "what about me" as in the past.
I shared how I used the 13 statements from WFS with her and said it was something that I have been following and it has really helped. My sis isn't an alcoholic but could go that way. It was great to not be "self-centered" and be the rock for my sis.
Happiness is truly created......
Thanks for reading,
gig
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
