zjw

I sobered up a while ago. But while my wife knows my father doesnt etc... No one other then my wife really knows the degree of the problem. That being said my attitudes changed so much that ts caused a lot of problems with my rrelationship with my family members. Partly becuase I no longer tolerate there nonsense and lack patience. I feel this is unfair to them they see this whole new side of me they never new cause well I was heavily medicated with drugs and booze that I just went along with whatever. and prior to that i was busy getting beat into submission by my step father and mother.

My new attitudes been a real problem between me and my biological father. And i wrestle explaining some of this so that he can have a better understanding and not just think i'm some monster all the sudden since i'm not as patient as I once was. But then I dont want to go through this I still feel he needs to get over himself. But I feel if i give this it might help him get over himself or have a better understanding of whats going on. But then again I wonder how someone who doesnt suffer from this disease is evr going to fully understand the magnitude of it.

For the record i'm not some monster. Its just that i went from being the door mat to being the one that say hey stop that i dont like that and this seems to have taken everyone by surprise.

MIRecovery

I can not address your specific situation but generically I have found it easier to let the one's close to me know I am no longer drinking and that I had a problem with it.

paul99

I think that is something that you have to decide for yourself. My greatest allies are my family and close friends. They all don't know the full, full extent of how bad things got, but they always suspected something was going on. If you feel that it will help, not hinder or harm, relations with your family, then that's your choice. Good luck, however way you choose

soberclover

Hmmmm....tough one. You are right that people who "aren't like us" may not understand at the level that we do, however, there is generally an understanding that there are differences because someone stopped drinking or using. Maybe you could just mention that you have "made some healthier choices" or some "changes have happened in my life recently". It is so true that when we change EVERYTHING in our life seems to change! It is wonderful but frustrating at times!

zjw

Yeah theres no hiding the healthier choices i've made. But i'm constantly badgered why do you eat that way why do your run your loosing weight are ou anorexic how come you get mad about stuff whats gotten into you?

See before i ate whatever smoked my brains out and drank like a fish and didnt care what anyone else did or did to me so long as ya didnt touch my smokes or booze i was ok if i could get adquitly plastered.

Gal220

I choose not to discuss my recovery with my family, mostly because I believe it would be painful for them and I get the support I need elsewhere. This is totally a personal choice.

But from your other post, it sounds like this "lack of patience" is a problem with many of your relationships. Part of being sober is learning how to have healthy relationships with healthy boundaries. Being restless, irritable, and discontent with other people means I have a problem, not the other way around. The problem is me, not them. Just because I'm sober doesn't mean other people are going to change. If a relationship is unhealthy, I need to do what I can on my end to make it healthier or I need to move on.

Gal220

I just tell people I'm trying to be healthy and then forget it. I don't need to let people's inquiries bother me or **** me off. I know I'm doing what I need to do. What I eat or whether I smoke is no one else's business.

zjw

Gal220 I agree with you. I feel like I need to discuss it with them for there sake not mine. I'm not changing my eating habits etc.. for them. My lack of patience issue is different tho one example my dads wifes daughter committed a number of offenses over hte years i looked the other way for years upon years. She even stole from my kids etc.. My dad and his wife seemed to feel that shes my sister when theres no blood relation at all that shes family and that I should remain tolerant. I said i no longer wanted anything to do with her and shes no longer welcome. I was tolerant before cause i drank the frustration away. Now i'm not but they feel I'm this big mean unapproachable person.

So I dont really feel it is a problem with me per say that i'm intolerant in this case.

Gal220

All I can say is that I can't hang on to resentments. I have to let things go for me, to be happy in sobriety. And if I want relationships, I have to be the kind of person people want to be around. Are there people I choose not to be around because the relationship is unhealthy (i.e. someone stealing from me), yes. But I carry no resentment. I maintain the boundary, but I don't make a big deal about it or argue all the time. Eventually your family will see the change in you and that these changes are positive. Sometimes things just take time. I didn't get sober to be so bitter and resentful that no one wants to be around me. It sounds like you want to have a conversation in which you tell them that now you've sobered up you can't stand them and they're just going to have to get over it. That just doesn't sound very productive.

sugarbear1

Other than not drinking, what are you doing to change?

zjw

Gal220 you might be right. It very well could come off that way. I tried to keep boundaries with this individual but my father and his wife had been under the guise that shes my sister (his 3rd marriage i'm 35 and too old for this drama). So it was like an absolute shock when I put the boundary into place and him and his wife where highly offended.

You might be right however quiting drinking isnt a license to tell someone to **** off your out of patience. Setting healthy boundaries is probably wiser. And maybe I should leave it alone and with time it will resolve. Rather then me picking at an old wound.

zjw

SugarBear I spend a lot of time reflecting on this and trying to help others. I've got many healthy habits now as well etc.. I've really come a long way since I sobered up.