Admiral

Had a glass of whiskey and a beer at a friends house, I got buzzed but I definitely didn't get drunk. I guess I don't know how to feel about it... It had been five months, I obsessed about the day count in the past, I went for long walks and wished the days would go by faster so I could just get on the other side of that hill and get some serious time under my belt. I got that serious time, I doubled my old record, and now this. I had fun at my friends but didn't really enjoy the buzz, I was even offered another beer but turned it down, that endless need for more just wasn't there.

This isn't to say I believe in moderation, I don't want to drink anymore, I just don't understand this obsession. It sucked, there wasn't anything good about it at all, it's like anticipating a present on Christmas and finding coal in the box, I find it baffling that I had so many long nights, fighting the urge to go to the liquor store over this...

least

You can't undo the past so try to move past it. Forgive yourself and learn from it, then move forward again. I too relapsed many times until I finally got it right. All I can tell you is "don't give up"!! :ghug3

instant

It happens- learn from it what you can

moderation was never sustained for me- no matter how much I wanted it

in the end life is easier sober- it's less complicated- I think with the passing of time I have got more comfortable being a non drinker- I have no desire to "fit in" anymore when people are drinking. I avoid "pressure" situations, where there is a substantial drinking peer group

Dee74

It almost sounds counter intuitive when you're in it I know but the way to beat the obsession, the way to let the obsession die is to not feed it.

I had to be sober a few months, and if I'm honest working on myself and working diligently on being happy sober before I felt my old alcoholic way of thinking and my old worldview slip away.

I'm glad you're back - stick with it Admiral

D

Joe Nerv

For those of us who consider the diseas of alcohol to be cunning, baffling, and powerful... it sounds like this can be an excellent setup to get you right back to where you were when you decided you didn't want to drink anymore. For me that would lead to my being convinced this wasn't the problem I thought it was after all, which would lead to me doing it again, which would take me down the same road I came to that brought to a sober place in the first place. Hopefully you can look it as not being worth it any more and decide not to want to take the chance of repeating your past, doing it all over again, and more than likely winding up in even a worse space than where you started. Takes a lot of desire to stay sober. That comes from lots of pain for most. Other, luckier people can make a decision before before they destroy themselves and everything in their path. Seems like you still have the power to make that choice. Best of luck.

soberlicious

yeah...like reuniting with an Ex...you missed them until you were with them again...and then, "Oh yeah...I forgot you suck and that's why you're an Ex..."

Now you know.

Music

This statement reminded me of one of my first AA meetings when I leaned over to my sponsor who had pointed out a guy with 20 years and said, "I sure wish I had 20 years." His response was, "you only get 20 years by living one day at a time." I focused in on what you said about the other side of the hill. I don't think an alcoholic ever stops climbing that hill. If he does, what happened to you, happens to him. The only way to be on the downside is through growing older and realizing that life is getting shorter, but in sobriety, the top of the hill is still in front of us. I've been sober a long time compared to some. When I look behind me the distance I've climbed is long enough to not want to do it again. That doesn't mean I haven't made some mistakes along the way. It just means that I sure as hell don't want to climb it again. I believe when a person does what you did, he just got tired of climbing. Maybe not consciously, but there's something about drinking that still appeals to you. Like others have said. Learn from this but don't let it stop you from starting that hike up the hill once again. Just remember that the failure isn't in the fall, it's in not getting up and pushing forward.

TheEnd

I understand where you are coming from with this, but I don't believe it is necessarily true. At least for me, I'm not climbing the hill anymore. It doesn't mean I will not travel father, because sobriety is a journey not a destination. But I'm not fighting the battle anymore. I have no desire to drink and it does not register in my thought pattern, so I do not feel like I am climbing any sort of hill. I think this is what the OP is referring to. The place where you no longer think about drinking and that can only be achieved by continuous sobriety.

Gravel

Admiral,

Walk on thin ice at this point is my advice. I am only speaking from my experience. Because you handled it so easily and didn't even like it be careful the next time it's presented cause that same friend will pour you another, and another and another.

I'm just saying. Once that alcohol hits my lips after a month sober, or three months or even two years where i was it's like letting the flood gates open and in do time(matter of weeks) I began to test myself to see if i could handling more. Then I ended up blacked out all over again.

Be careful at this point.

Admiral

There are several things to consider. First of all I had a good distance to drive home, and the roads were icy. I knew there was no way I was going to risk a DUI so I turned it down. I also felt really scared and ashamed the whole time, I drank the whiskey, took the beer and thought "What am I doing? How am I going to deal with this tomorrow?".

There's no way I'm going to start drinking again, I just felt I had to throw it out there.

Hevyn

Hi Admiral. I know what you mean - the thrill is definitely gone. It'll never take us where we want to go - not ever again. I'm happy you were able to turn down more drinks. I doubt I would've been able to.

TrixMixer

Hi Admiral,

Is this a true friend or a drinking buddy friend. If it is a drinking buddy , I would advise you to decline any invitations from him . Sometimes you have to cut old ties in order to not set off triggers

Now if this is a dear friend--he should be told about your sobriety, and should not even think twice about asking you if you want a drink. Temptation is everywhere when you quit drinking, best to limit the outlets for that temptation. In my opinion anyway.