Tetra

Where do I start? There are so many things swirling around in my head.

I've always been a loner. I did a lot of my drinking alone.

I've been sick for the past couple of days. I went a bit mad on Saturday and had a pizza, ice cream and cookies. I should know by now that I can't eat junk food without paying the price.

My dad came up to me a few times, with glasses of water and cups of tea. I told him that I was exhausted and wanted to be alone. He said "I'm getting a bit worried about you, you spend a lot of time alone. Even when your mother and I are here, you are usually reading or in your room".

Now, I have posted here about my mother before, and we know she has issues. But I can't seem to connect with her in any way. Hmmmm...even when she's in a good mood, I am waiting for the next bomb to drop. Like last week, we were chatting, and then my brother in law called to complain about my sister, and it was like a switch had been flicked. She was ranting and screaming about her "useless children" for the next two days. She has calmed down today. It saddens me to say that I would rather be alone then having to deal with her, and that's bad, right?

I'm getting over whatever sickness I had, and I feel like a giant loser. I am 32 years old, studying a postgraduate course, living with my parents, with no job.

The house where we live is in a rural area and pretty isolated. There isn't many places to go here. I am just crossing my fingers and hoping that this won't be forever....I do want a good life of my own. But tomorrow I have to get up in front of my classmates and give a big presentation, and I'm dreading it...if I am panicking about this presentation, how am I going to cope with anything else?

escapist

Me too. I always have a party of one. No one to notice how much I drink. I still tend to stick to myself even sober. I have to keep a distance from my mother because I tend to become very self concious when I am around her. I feel comfortable here.

Xune

I'm middle aged, but can relate with regards to having a poor relationship with Mom.

My mom past a few years ago, but as a teenager and young adult we had a pretty crappy relationship. In fact, it was so bad that I was pretty much told at 19 that I had to move out...which I did and I was glad for it.

Living in a rural area certainly makes it more challenging to get out and about if you don't have a car or can reasonably cycle anywhere. However, when you're feeling isoloated and alone, why not post on SR or join the chat room?

Bubovski

Hi Tetra.
Nothing wrong with being a bit of a loner.
"Hell is other people" Sartre. Including himself?
I'm more people oriented than I used to be.
Often used to drink alone. I see drinking as the
real issue whether alone or in company.