I fell into booze again
 

My story seems not so important when I jsut got done reading some other post here. Mine is more like I am whining about things.

I got drunk sat and sun and said more stupid stuff to my women, well X women. She laid the law down and told me to get lost.

Somehow alcohol won that battle. The battle was either the alcohol goes and she stays or the alcohol stays and she goes. I let the alcohol win and I'm emotionally distraught.

The helplessness I feel after a train wreck like this is pitiful. I can understand losing a women to because you can't get along with her or whatever. But when I am sober we get along great.

How can alcohol make me so mean to someone I love? I don't understand that.

I need to get sober NOW and fast. not to win her back though because she ain't coming emotionally back to me again. But I need to do it for myself. And i need time to heal from my love scars that I caused myself.

I know I am crying like a wimp here about this but it really hurts when alcohol destroys a relationship.

I'm gonna amiss my baby. Thanks for nothing alcohol.

I'm sorry you are in anguish. Perhaps this is the spur that will lead to your recovery and a productive, love-filled, sober life.

Sorry to hear that you've lost a relationship. Alcohol takes so very much from us, and it never gets better.

One thing you are right about is that you have to do this for yourself. I hope that this is what turns the tide.

Alcohol only wins if we let it.

So don`t let it.

Accept, understand and know that alcohol is no longer an option. Ever.

Resolve to make this the last day one that you will ever have to go through.

Funny how relationships, even important ones, take a back seat to booze. It sounds like you are developing a mental foundation and determined to kick alcohol to the curb. I look forward to hearing about your pursuit and success ahead.

Ok, so you are ready for sobriety, what is your PLAN going to be? Lots of resources on SR to help you with that! :)

Alcohol has caused me so many, many regrets. Its funny how we can so easily block out the damage it causes us. Don't let it fool you again.

I remember getting drunk and burning bridges. Now I am sober and building them

Alcohol does what it does to us and that is not going to change. Sorry about your situation, and I am hopeful that you can take steps to improve things. Hang in there.

Thanks all.

These last few months or so I have worked diligently to figure out a way to be able to handle my alcohol like so called 'normal drinkers.' On paper I know what I would have to do, that is limit the intake to a few then stop. But in reality it owns me and it dictates to me how many I drink with that lovely euforia.

So I'm drunk and in a good mood(figuratively speaking). Now I have to figure a way to stay in the good mood. But eventually I have no control over my mood and don't even realize what is exactly happening. BOOM disaster strikes usually from me assuming someone meant something they never did. Depression and loneliness set in and my automatic knee jerk protection circuits kick in to protect my vulnerability. So I become often a belligerent drunk using insults to make me feel independent of the need for anyone.

I do have to do this for myself. I remember a month or so ago here I said i was going to do it for my girlfriend. After a month of sobriety I decided to go drinking because I wasn't going to let nobody dictate my life. I got tired of having that feeling like someone was watching me and i had to do something for someone. So to all the people who said you need to do it for yourself you was right.

But then there is the discussion of how can I make a fool of myself, repent of all my drinking and shake my head in shame, and then a month later do it all over again. This I have no answer for. Unfortunately shame and embarrassment come with the territory. You mess with fire long enough you will get burned.

Have a good night

Hi Gravel. Glad you came here to talk about what happened.

I did the same sort of thing for years. Kept insisting drinking could be fun if I just used willpower to control it. Tried to bring back the fun times, before it began destroying my life. There was no going back, though. Once the line is crossed from social to alcoholic drinking you have no choice but to stop all together. Dangerous and unpredictable things will happen each time we pick up. I'm sorry for your pain. I hope you'll remember how you feel today - not to hang your head in shame, but to learn from it and try again. We know you can do it.

Thank you for sharing, Gravel. I can relate to that awful feeling of remorse. I was in the same situation.

You guys have showed me there is a solution. You were right. My relationships improved dramatically and today I am don't have that stuck, wtf am I doing feeling.

Thank God there is a way out for all of us!

when the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality, when i could no longer stand the person i had become, when i was at the point of desperation, i walked into AA. i kept goin, got a big book, did what the big bok and the people at the meetings suggested i do, and slowly but surely, all of the promises in the big book came true.
And we have ceased fighting anything or anyone - even alcohol. For by this time sanity will have returned. We will seldom be interested in liquor. If tempted, we recoil from it as from a hot flame. We react sanely and normally, and we will find that this has happened automatically. We will see that our new attitude toward liquor has been given us without any thought or effort on our part. It just comes! That is the miracle of it. We are not fighting it, neither are we avoiding temptation. We feel as though we had been placed in a position of neutrality - safe and protected. We have not even sworn off. Instead, the problem has been removed. It does not exist for us. We are neither cocky nor are we afraid. That is our experience.


thats justa few of em.