DKFS

Well guys, I haven't been on for a few weeks because I had a heart attack recently, and while at the hospital, once I was revived, I told the doctor how much I was drinking, which was a case of beer a day, and he did some tests, turns out, I have cirrhosis of the liver and beginning stages of kidney disease. The doctor said I don't have long to live, probably 1-2 months tops he said. I decided that I'm gonna live everyday to the maxx, and by that, I'm going to get drunk everyday because basically when you get that kind of news, you need something to just forget about it. Alcohol isn't worth it but I've been drinking for years and I don't plan on stopping until I'm dead. Alcohol has defeated me, but it doesn't have to defeat you. I hope my story helps someone reading this stay sober.

deeker

[QUOTE=DKFS;3793520]Well guys, I haven't been on for a few weeks because I had a heart attack recently,



It really did. Thank you. Friend will you do this? But everyone who calls on the name of the LORD will be saved. Invite him in, Jesus. God Bless you!

Dee74

I'm really sorry to hear this DKFS - sorry to hear of your health problems and of your decision.

First off I'd get a second opinion...it would be a tragedy if you were to do the big burn out thing and your prognosis turns out not to be as bad as you've suggested.

but in any case...y'know all of us only get one shot at life...and, not to be morbid, but any of us could die, anytime....

don't you want to spend whatever time you have with those you love - and remember the experience and have them remember you, not the drunk you, but the real you?

Alcohol can only beat you if you let it, DKFS.

D

Pondlady

I'm truly sorry for your diagnosis. I hope you can find some joy each day in some simple pleasures.

jsch

I have many times wondered if I got that news what I would do. I honestly don't know if I would have the strength to stay sober. I would like to think I would live out my last days with dignity but I just don't know.

Sorry about your news. Your post did he hit me like a sack of bricks and will help me. It reminds us all how serious this is. Maybe if you stay sober you can get that message out and help others. Thanks for your post.

Pondlady

Just read your Dec. thread. Your doctor then said you had very little liver damage and overall, not much damage from excessive drinking. I'd second what Dee said, about getting a second opinion. Wouldn't you like to be present , rather than drunk, when you are with your wife and six children for whatever time you have remaining?

Veritas1

There is a man at our AA home group that had stage 4 pancreatic cancer, and they told him, he had one or two months.

He came to AA, he worked the steps, and got involved helping other men to recover.

That was about 4 years ago.

Miraculous.

I am sorry to read about your health.

That news must generate alot of fear.

Maybe it is best to try to make the most of your days at this point?

I hope you find the strength to take care of yourself.

instant

Get a second opinion

DKFS

Thanks everyone, I will get a second opinion, but even with death looming, I can't stop drinking due to I don't want to have severe withdrawl, I might as well die early if I have to go through that. My wife and kids know who I really am, and even though I have been a heavy drinker, it's never really hurt my family life, I've always been there for my kids. I will get a second opinion this week, and if my prognosis isn't as bad as I've been told, I will try and seek help, but if not, I am going to just live out the rest of my days doing what I like to do. I've done alot of drinking in my life and if you don't think it will catch up to you, please think again.

deeker

[QUOTE=DKFS;3793626]Thanks everyone, I will get a second opinion

Hi Dk , I have put you on a prayer list. DK, I was chronic too, in a psych ward for 32 day and then lost 80 pds in a nursing home for 2 mo due to depression following a seizure after withdrawal. DK please don't give up. I eventually went into detox after a suicide attempt to end it all and though I am only sober a short while I have found peace and joy like never before. I want you to feel that too. Dk, Anything is possible with God. By the way I was paralyzed in that nursing home due to atrophy from lack of movement/chronic depression in a diaper and on a feeding tube. I was at deaths door but was prayed for by some nice people at church and I was fully restored. Everyone thought I would be institutionalized for the rest of my life or dead.They really did DK. So I do believe there is always hope. Never lose hope. God Loves you! Give your family the best gift ever, Sobriety!God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow and he does still perform miracles. I am living proof. Father God I pray for a miraculous recovery for DK. IJN

hypochondriac

Did he say you have 1-2 months max if you continue to drink? Did the doctor offer an alternative to drinking yourself to death? I agree with Deeker about the peace and joy you get after getting sober. That would be worth it even for a short while. I'd expect that in your situation it would be standard to offer detox. I hope you get a second opinion.

It's sad you came to that decision. I think that is probably what I would have done too. I always thought I had done serious damage and was going to die... so I always thought it doesn't matter I can't do anything about it so I might as well carry on drinking. When I got the all clear I thought, well that's okay then I can carry on drinking. It took getting sober to see how crazy that was.

MythOfSisyphus

If I knew for a fact that I had only a couple months I'm not sure what I'd do. Maybe I'd make the same decision, that is to go back to drinking. On some level that would be enjoyable and would take the edge off. On the other hand, I'd get more living done sober. Either way, I wish you the best.

I'm sorry for the bad news, but hopefully he's wrong. Please let us know how the 2nd trip to the doc goes, if you can.

paul99

I don't know what to say. Well, I do have something to say

I am so sorry to hear that prognosis, and I am also sorry to hear about your decision to keep at the thing that is killing you. But it's your choice, of course, and it's none of my business.

But what Dee has said makes sense - check out another opinion. I certainly don't see the harm in it.

For this alcoholic, I too have wondered if I was handed a death sentence what would I do? Would I live my days out in a daze, or would I continue with my sobriety? It's a fleeting question, rhetoric at best, but it's still something that passes by now and then. I guess what I am getting at is that the joy in life I would get with the short time I had left would, for me, be more vivid if I were sober. When I drank, the days would bleed into one another...hangover, hair of the dog, another run, shakes, etc. I would sometimes forget what day of the week it was. I think if I were sober, I would be able to get the most out of each day.

You can too.

Please get that second opinion, and squeeze out everything you can out each day. You deserve it, and your family does too

Sending out love and thoughts your way.

9yearsgone

DKFS

I would get a second opinion.

Then I would sober up for my family. Show them you are strong. Let your kids know it can be done and that you dont have to succumb to alcohol even with the worst outcome staring you in the face.

Get well DKFS, hang in.

AlisonW

Please use the time, drunk or sober, to spend with your family. My dad got similiar news and made a similiar decision. But first he pushed me away, in his mind so I wouldn't have to watch him die, then drank until he was dead. When he died we were estranged, and he died alone in a nursing home. We never got to say goodbye, or to make amends. I would give anything to have one more day with him. Please don't do that to your children.
Best wishes to you.

LookingOut

Praying that you will seek God and seek recovery and get a second opinion. My father died of liver disease and kidney failure, complications of alcoholism. Because he was placed in hospice, he was not able to drink for the last few weeks. He was able to pray with our pastor. He seemed at peace and seemed to be resolved that the battle was finally over. My mom, who had divorced him due to violent outbursts, but who still loved him dearly, and I and some family members were able to spend some good time with him sober. I am so thankful to God for that time that we had.

I know from that period that the liver is a very complicated organ. It is very difficult for a doctor to accurately predict how long you have. If you get a second opinion and try to find a detox facility that can take you with your health issues, you would be surprised that they can help you detox more easily and you would be surprised how much health you may get back. All of us at AA have seen miraculous recoveries. Everything is possible with God.

Your family will appreciate having more time with you if you can just to the right thing, do the work it takes to get sober and show how much you love them and show how much you love yourself.

I am praying for your health and recovery physically, emotionally and spiritually. His peace.

wallup

I'm so sorry for your prognosis. I am glad to hear you are getting a second opinion. A family member has recently gone through some really terrible liver prognosis' and their outlook was not very good. We followed up with an expert and they said YEARS to live versus months if they started down a healthier path. I hope you get similar good news.

Zube

I would want my family to see me go out sober, not drunk.

I'd also want receive my last rights and prepare to meet my maker sober, not drunk.

I'm sorry for your situation, DKFS. And forgive me if I sound harsh, but I think that you could make a far greater impact to your family, friends, loved ones, and all readers of Sober Recovery if you left this world sober rather than drunk. Regardless of whether you have 2 months, or 2 years.

Either way, you and your family are in my prayers. I hope that you reconsider.

God Bless,
Zube

Grace2

My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family.

Definitely get a second opinion, where there's life there's hope.

I hope you reconsider your decision to drink yourself to death for your wife and childrens' sake. You may have always been a heavy drinker and you may think they know the real you, but this isn't just about you! If the worst comes to the worst say goodbye with some dignity, at least give them that.

sugarbear1

Didn't you go through withdrawal while in the hospital for the heart attack?

I'd get a second opinion, the liver has an amazing way of regenerizing itself and beginning stage of kidney disease can also be treated.....