caboblanco

I went to a new AA meeting last night I sat down next to a guy that was there with his kid. He introduced himself and seemed friendly enough. When the donation basket came around he even offered to pay my dollar but i told him no thanks. When the meeting was about to end he told me he wanted to talk to me in private after the meeting. After we put away the chairs he told me to come in this room where he was cleaning the coffee pots. He told me that he believes that I sat next to him for a reason. Like God put me there. He said guys like you and me need to hang together. He went on to tell me that he was out of work and didn't drive. He basically wanted me to give him my phone number so he could get rides to meetings or anywhere else he wanted to go. He was really trying hard to get my phone number. Somehow I got out of it by saying I had his number already, which I did, and that I would call him on Monday. That was a lie. I don't want to have someone mooching off me that I just met. I can never go to this meeting again. This guy was very persistant and forcefull like a used car salesman. I think he also wanted help looking after his kid, but I'm only assuming that. This is not the first time something like this happened to me at a meeting. has anyone else had a similar experience?

LexieCat

Does sound like he was trying to take advantage of you. You will occasionally run into people like that at meetings. I don't know that you have to "never go to that meeting again." He may well turn up at another meeting, or someone else similarly annoying will.

These are the situations where it really helps to have a sponsor. Your sponsor can help you think through the best response for these situations. They happen. They may well happen again. It's OK to tell someone like that that you appreciate his concern about you, and that you are sorry, but you can't give him a ride. If he needs a ride he should be talking to the regulars at the meeting, not hitting up the newcomer. They probably have gotten fed up with it, too.

Sponsors are also built-in buffers for these kinds of awkward situations. It's easy to say, "Thanks for asking, but it's something I need to discuss with my sponsor." Gives you the breathing room to avoid being cornered into something you don't want to do or feel you maybe shouldn't do.

2granddaughters

What did your sponsor say about this ?

If he was cleaning coffee pots then the oldtimers know him.. what did the oldtimers say about him?

All the best.

Bob R

paul99

Sounds a bit forceful and a bit inappropriate. Imposing oneself on others isn't what we normally do, but perhaps he was just feeling that you truly were meant to be a meeting riding buddy. I can't imagine what he must be thinking or feeling to feel the need to find a chauffeur at a meeting, but I know it's out of my control. But what I can do is control my own reaction, and you certainly did there.

It would be different if you were the one offering, but that's not the situation. I like Lexie's advice about using a sponsor when it comes to awkward situations like this. I would use the "let me think about it" line often when I wasn't sure what direction to take.

Justfor1

I would of simply said, "No, I'm sorry I just don't have the time". I have watched a few "bad apples" over my years in the program. Professional moochers that want everything from rides daily, food, shelter, cigarettes ect...I would watch how people act before & after the meeting. Thankfully, the majority of AA members are good people.

tomsteve

i suggest goin back to the meeting and when this guy is there to bring up during the meeting the experience and ask for suggestions on how to apply the steps to the problem. IMO, not bringing it up to the group in some way is enabling him to do it to someone else.

KissMyTiara

Just because he was there doesn't make him AA. There are lots of vagrants and felons and not nice people that go to AA and NA to find people that will "help them out". A place to find people that are in a bad place that they can "help".

AA is not always a great place....lots of leeches there. Look for old timers.