MichaelV

Perhaps i could get some insight as to how you who have remained sober have dealt with regaining your confidence and beginning to have that want to utilize your gifts and talents without supplementing it with substance abuse. I am getting my clear head back and feeling good about what i can accomplish, but one thing that is hard, especially with my artistic pursuits, is that I get that little thought of how much easier the creative process might feel if I were high right now. Social engagements as well. I'm a very understanding dude who enjoys really getting to know somebody, but I get that itch that says "oh the things I would be willing to say, how profound they might be, if I had a couple drinks". Now these are lies and delusions, and I know I can be just as potent in sobriety, or more so, actually. But, the fact remains, there is always creeping feeling of how good it felt to participate in those things while under the influence. And the lie that I am actually better at these things when I'm drunk is ever pervasive.

any thoughts? thanks

MIRecovery

How long have you been sober because things get better?

MichaelV

not long. i've had sustained periods of sobriety and during those this always was quite an issue for me

MichaelV

not long. i've had sustained periods of sobriety and during those this always was quite an issue for me

gleefan

I know what you mean about having more fun socially under the influence. We are probably a lot more interesting in social situations being sober and fully engaged with others than buzzed. Drunk or high people are notoriously considered to be self absorbed and obnoxious.

MrTumble

Take heart that there are many world renown artists that are now abstaining from booze

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...totallers.html
Perhap research a couple of those guys and see if they published how they managed the transition

paul99

I too used to get caught in the trappings of having a few drinks to create and/or enhance a state that would allow me to be more creative ("I'll have a few to break through this writer's block!") or to be more social ("I'm a bit nervous...nothing a few swigs of vodka can't help with"). The problem is that while these "windows of opportunity" seem real and useful, they are artificial. And, for an alcoholic of my type, those windows seem to get smaller and smaller, to the point that I would overshoot these windows by a country mile. I wanted so badly to get back into these pockets of creative and social genius, but I could never ever find them again. I was drinking to oblivion, and that's where things really fell apart.

The delusion, as you refer to, is that my identity is wrapped up in those moments of feeling good in my skin. But that is a false front and false ideal put up by my alcoholism and is a way of bringing me back to the bottle. The true insanity is that I kept going back, hoping to still find that magic window.

It's in sobriety that I had to find that I can be just as potent (as you described) as I was in those few times in the past, if not way more. For me, it was the fantasy of the booze soaked writing savant who scrawled out genius work under a low-level buzz that fueled the creative force. Bull. It was just another fantasy among the hundreds of other fantasies that I built up in my life.

I function at a level that I could only dream about when I was actively drinking. I come to my work and other people with my authentic self, not something my ego created. It's a joy and a gift to be able to create under those circumstances, and not worry about having to clean up the mess I made under the influence.

Let those thoughts of yours pass. They are just thoughts, not reality.

Cheers