MIRecovery

Interesting. In another post you asked who went to AA and did not. If you look through the responses the vast majority of people that put together significant sobriety had done it through AA and your counselor is suggesting it.

Maybe he knows something you do not.

freshstart57

There are at least two that show almost the same result. The first is most commonly cited:
Most people quit or learn to moderate on their own. The NIAAA’s 2001–2002 National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions interviewed over 43,000 people. Using the criteria for alcohol dependence found in the DSM-IV, they found: "About 75 percent of persons who recover from alcohol dependence do so without seeking any kind of help, including specialty alcohol (rehab) programs and AA."
Another is from the Harvard Medical School (The Harvard Mental Health Letter, Volume 12, Number 4, October 1995, page 3):
'One recent study found that 80% of all alcoholics who recover for a year or more do so on their own, some after being unsuccessfully treated. When a group of these self-treated alcoholics was interviewed, 57% said they simply decided that alcohol was bad for them. Twenty-nine percent said health problems, frightening experiences, accidents, or blackouts persuaded them to quit. Others used such phrases as "Things were building up" or "I was sick and tired of it." Support from a husband or wife was important in sustaining the resolution.'

Mark75

Freshstart57...

I throwing a flag in this thread, and doing so quite deliberately...

Why would ANYONE here on SR who essentially KNOWS NOTHING about this particular case... cast doubt and get involved with the treatment plan of a professional working with his patient.

Sorry... but in this case... A professional therapist laying out a treatment plan with his patient... when we get involved in that and second guess the professionals advice... we, then, are giving medical advice... are we not? And getting into a all of this, in this thread, with this individual in early recovery... is it appropriate?

Perhaps we could have another thread and discuss this in general terms? And those, I enjoy.

freshstart57

You raise a good point, Mark, and we both understand that we do not dispense medical advice here. This therapist's recommendation could be based on an informed opinion rather than ignorance, and we would hope that is indeed the case.

As I suggested in my post, either of two conditions exist, and my experience with those who share that opinion fortunately isn't relevant. Tetra can determine by talking to her therapist which one is actually the case.

Mark75

Awesome... Yea, I think there are therapists who truly understand AA and it's alternatives and what works best when... When I was in treatment, it was 12 step based, but I was introduced to Taoism, AVRT, CBT, Mindfullness, all that...

Thanks for taking my post in the spirit it was intended. I do believe that some therapists have strong biases and we cannot know going in what they are, if they are not divulged up front.

MIRecovery

My rehab was not 12 step based but the couselor was very convinced that a support network of sober people was essiential. He recommended AA just because the infrastructure was in place and tailor made to someone in early recovery

soberlicious

Well, maybe I misread, but I understood Tetra to be saying that she feels unable to voice herself and it is causing her a great deal of frustration and pain. Whether her therapist is "right" or "wrong" really doesn't matter, as there won't be much dialogue on it until Tetra is able to voice her concerns and honestly share feelings confidently.

Tetra

Thank you all for taking time to reply. I think I could have phrased the above better. What I meant to say is that my therapist is not wrong, and what I really wanted to say to him is "thank you for your opinion and I will take it on board and think about it". But I couldn't bring myself to say that. Instead I could feel tears in my eyes.

As regards my mother, she never mentions AA to me at all, and I have absolutely no intention of discussing anything with her at the moment. She is an extremely cruel and vicious woman and appearances mean everything to her. Yes, I realize that she is in a lot of pain, but I don't know if I can take it much longer. Here is the story: My older sister (a doctor) was my mothers pride and joy. She met a man about 10 years ago, and fell for his charms. He is a good bit older than her, and when we first met him, he told us he was Italian, but we later found out he was Romanian. Romanian people are not liked here, in Ireland, much like the Irish in England in the 1960s. He pursued her for over a year, even followed her to Australia. As he didn't have a visa, they would not let him in to Australia, and he spent 3 weeks in prison before being deported back to Ireland. I remember when I was 22, I was walking home from work one day, and I arrived home to be greeted by my mother in floods of tears, whereupon she informed me that my sister was marrying this man. My parents begged her not to get married, but she told us she was getting married with or without us. I am well aware of how much this hurt my parents. So...we all took out loans and booked flights to Romania for the wedding. My mothers behaviour that week was appalling. I recall that my brother in laws cousin was a writer for some local paper, my mother was extremely concerned that news of the wedding might be in the paper, and that "we would be a laughingstock in front of everybody" and she cried the whole time. I cannot emphasize how much my mother hates my brother in law, she even quit her teaching job because she said she couldn't bear the shame that her 3 children had brought her. My sister sees a psychiatrist now as well. Everyday I get the spiel that we are an embarassment to her and she wishes we had never been born. She has no hobbies, she hardly leaves the house in case she might meet people who would ask about "her mental children". She cooks and watches TV, that's all. Even tonight, I came home from a 12 hour day in college, my parents were just back from a funeral, and she was screaming at myself and dad that everyone else's children are brilliant, and her children "are the laughingstock of the 7 parishes". Every day it's the same ding dong. I have been in therapy, on and off for 4 years trying to deal with this.

I read something recently about how people treat others is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves. So when my mum is screaming at me, I know that it's not about me, and I know that she is really suffering and I am working on myself, and trying not to take it to heart.

Thank you all for letting me get some things off my chest. I was feeling horrible when I first got home, but I feel a bit lighter now, and I know I have to move out, and I will be very soon.

TrixMixer

Hi Tetra,

I went to AA twice, did not like it told my counselor it made me very uncomfortable, and I was able to quit . Everyone is different, you have to do what is comfortable for you, as long as it does not put your sobriety in jeopardy.

It would be good to at least try it, ya never know it may work for you.

Your Mother sounds like she has her own issues, but you have lived with her long enough to know what is coming. Work around it or maybe look to live with another family member if you can't afford your own place.

The really beautiful thing about this , Tetra, is when you get through the journey to a sober life you will have the strength and courage to deal with anything. You will truly know yourself.
Do whatever it takes to keep your focus on your sobriety.
Post here often and vent when needed that is what we are here for.

Stay Strong/Stay Sober
TrixMixer

LexieCat

You sound to me like a very self-possessed young lady (and I mean that in a good way) under trying circumstances.

Just be careful of the tendency to reject suggestions for the purpose of asserting yourself. I'm not saying that is what you are doing, and maybe I'm just projecting my own personality on you. I know that I always had a tendency to have to do things MY way, regardless of the wisdom of what other people suggested, simply because it WAS "my" way.

Looks like you have some good insight into yourself and other people, and that will serve you well in the future.

I hope you will try AA, but that's because I personally honestly believe it's the best thing going. You might be fine getting sober and staying that way on your own, but it seems sometimes like people who go to all the work of inventing their own recovery wind up reinventing the wheel. I have respect for the results of their efforts--the ones who get well--but in my old age I've learned that sometimes it's good to follow in the footsteps of those who have already figured it out.