Do all of you believe moderation is impossible
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Do all of you believe moderation is impossible
I keep hearing from people on here and in the real world that moderation for an alcoholic is impossible. The thing is that I know a few people that were heavy binge drinkers in their younger years and now drink moderately. two drinks max a night. Some drink less then once a week. They were able to do it. Is it different for older heavy drinkers then younger ones that haven't been drinking that many years? Do you think telling yourself you can never touch a drink again might actually make you go out and drink heavily because of the pressure?
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
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I know I can't drink in moderation.
Maybe those heavy drinkers weren't alcoholics?
Maybe I was just unlucky or not strong enough to do what they do?
I kinda doubt it tho.
A lot of times those friends are actually 'friends of a friend' too - we have no real idea how much they keep to the 2 drinks a night thing or in what shape their body and minds are.
Here's a first hand anecdote for you tho...
I had a friend who gave up drinking in his early 20s - he was the wildman of the group.
He gave it up before he killed himself or someone else.
about 20 years later he decided to drink again...started off with one or two, got bit heavier, but for about a year he went ok - no real dramas...
but then the wheels came off...the weekend parties became every night ones again....he lost his job, his home, his little farm that he's dreamt of ever since he was a kid, and his wife and kids...
He's stopped drinking again.
D
Maybe those heavy drinkers weren't alcoholics?
Maybe I was just unlucky or not strong enough to do what they do?
I kinda doubt it tho.
A lot of times those friends are actually 'friends of a friend' too - we have no real idea how much they keep to the 2 drinks a night thing or in what shape their body and minds are.
Here's a first hand anecdote for you tho...
I had a friend who gave up drinking in his early 20s - he was the wildman of the group.
He gave it up before he killed himself or someone else.
about 20 years later he decided to drink again...started off with one or two, got bit heavier, but for about a year he went ok - no real dramas...
but then the wheels came off...the weekend parties became every night ones again....he lost his job, his home, his little farm that he's dreamt of ever since he was a kid, and his wife and kids...
He's stopped drinking again.
D
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Wales UK
Posts: 859
Yes.
I spoke one to a psychiatrist friend who told me he knew lots who tell him "two glasses no more" and they all have strong partners who live containing the drink,, once the partner goes all hell breaks out.
Apparently your brain once used to high levels of alcohol will remember those large amounts and just expect them again.
I never did the couple so I can't see how it would work for me.
John
I spoke one to a psychiatrist friend who told me he knew lots who tell him "two glasses no more" and they all have strong partners who live containing the drink,, once the partner goes all hell breaks out.
Apparently your brain once used to high levels of alcohol will remember those large amounts and just expect them again.
I never did the couple so I can't see how it would work for me.
John
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Originally Posted by caboblanco 
I keep hearing from people on here and in the real world that moderation for an alcoholic is impossible. The thing is that I know a few people that were heavy binge drinkers in their younger years and now drink moderately. two drinks max a night. Some drink less then once a week. They were able to do it. Is it different for older heavy drinkers then younger ones that haven't been drinking that many years?
Originally Posted by caboblanco
Do you think telling yourself you can never touch a drink again might actually make you go out and drink heavily because of the pressure?
stepping on my way...
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 1,079
This alcoholic can NOT drink period and even more can not drink in moderation, EVER!
I rode on that merry go round for over a year and a half trying to convince myself I could one day.
Glad I jumped off cause I think my attempts at moderation would have killed me or sent me to the looney bin.
I never wanna sign up for that ride through H&&& AGAIN!
I rode on that merry go round for over a year and a half trying to convince myself I could one day.
Glad I jumped off cause I think my attempts at moderation would have killed me or sent me to the looney bin.
I never wanna sign up for that ride through H&&& AGAIN!
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: eastern USA
Posts: 23
Moderation does not work for me, at least not the countless times I have tried it. I always wind up right back to where I was, or worse than I was. I might be able to do it for a short while, but it never lasts.
The plain truth is, I can not drink in moderation, the same is true of most alcoholics.
The plain truth is, I can not drink in moderation, the same is true of most alcoholics.
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Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
Nope.
If we are controlling our drinking we are not enjoying it and if we are enjoying it, we are not in control.
There is a massive difference between an alcoholic and a heavy drinker.
I drank with heavy drinkers, they have stopped and moderated without effort as life has picked up more responsibilities.
The alcoholics either don't pick up responsibilities, or fail miserably as time goes on to manage their lives.
The second point about increasing drinking is something I can definitely identify with.
That was part of my stopping.
I drank more and more toward the end of my drinking.
The obsession became all consuming until I finally quit.
The more I tried to quit, the more obsessed I became.
I had so many "last hurrahs", it was ridiculous.
If we are controlling our drinking we are not enjoying it and if we are enjoying it, we are not in control.
There is a massive difference between an alcoholic and a heavy drinker.
I drank with heavy drinkers, they have stopped and moderated without effort as life has picked up more responsibilities.
The alcoholics either don't pick up responsibilities, or fail miserably as time goes on to manage their lives.
The second point about increasing drinking is something I can definitely identify with.
That was part of my stopping.
I drank more and more toward the end of my drinking.
The obsession became all consuming until I finally quit.
The more I tried to quit, the more obsessed I became.
I had so many "last hurrahs", it was ridiculous.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
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There are some people who party and binge-drink when they are young and then just sort of mature out of it. They settle down and when the wild partying goes, so does the drinking. They never became dependent on it, and it was merely blowing off steam, not something essential to survival.
I think the vast, vast majority of people who develop drinking problems to the point that they need help are better off quitting than trying to learn to moderate. I say that as someone who spent four and a half years in Moderation Management trying to do that. In all my time there (it's mostly an online support group), I know a handful of people who learned to modify their drinking habits on a long term basis. There are many like me, who could control their drinking for discrete periods of time but always went back to drinking abusively within a short time.
I found moderation to be basically "drinkus interruptus"--I was never satisfied if I was drinking moderately, and if I was drinking the way I wanted to I was not moderate. It was exhausting and demoralizing to count drinks and all I ever did was to look forward to being able to drink. My addiction became much worse over that period of time.
And I know many others who had the same experience. I still participate in a group over at MM for people who have chosen to abstain from drinking permanently. We gave up on the moderation mission, and are much happier now. We have some who are in AA, some who are in other recovery programs, and some who have successfully and happily quit without a formal program.
I think the vast, vast majority of people who develop drinking problems to the point that they need help are better off quitting than trying to learn to moderate. I say that as someone who spent four and a half years in Moderation Management trying to do that. In all my time there (it's mostly an online support group), I know a handful of people who learned to modify their drinking habits on a long term basis. There are many like me, who could control their drinking for discrete periods of time but always went back to drinking abusively within a short time.
I found moderation to be basically "drinkus interruptus"--I was never satisfied if I was drinking moderately, and if I was drinking the way I wanted to I was not moderate. It was exhausting and demoralizing to count drinks and all I ever did was to look forward to being able to drink. My addiction became much worse over that period of time.
And I know many others who had the same experience. I still participate in a group over at MM for people who have chosen to abstain from drinking permanently. We gave up on the moderation mission, and are much happier now. We have some who are in AA, some who are in other recovery programs, and some who have successfully and happily quit without a formal program.
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
I think that everyone with a drinking problem thinks about moderation. I think that thought is a sign it should NOT be attempted. And if you do, for goodness sake please be very honest with yourself about it.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
True. I should have added that I think almost every alcoholic has to at least ATTEMPT moderation, if only to convince him/herself it is not an option. I certainly don't recommend the EXTENDED experiment I undertook. I was kidding myself the whole time that I was "doing something" about my drinking.
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can't figure out if i'm an alcoholic or a heavy drinker. some of you are telling me there is a difference. might as well treat it as i am an alcoholic for now. If I would go by shear amount of alcohol consumed anybody would say i'm an alcoholic. I never felt I "needed" a drink though. I just didn't care.
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
I think the vast, vast majority of people who develop drinking problems to the point that they need help are better off quitting than trying to learn to moderate. I say that as someone who spent four and a half years in Moderation Management trying to do that. In all my time there (it's mostly an online support group), I know a handful of people who learned to modify their drinking habits on a long term basis. There are many like me, who could control their drinking for discrete periods of time but always went back to drinking abusively within a short time.
I found moderation to be basically "drinkus interruptus"--I was never satisfied if I was drinking moderately, and if I was drinking the way I wanted to I was not moderate. It was exhausting and demoralizing to count drinks and all I ever did was to look forward to being able to drink. My addiction became much worse over that period of time.
I found moderation to be basically "drinkus interruptus"--I was never satisfied if I was drinking moderately, and if I was drinking the way I wanted to I was not moderate. It was exhausting and demoralizing to count drinks and all I ever did was to look forward to being able to drink. My addiction became much worse over that period of time.
However, this is not to say that you shouldn't try it. Why? Well, if I didn't try it, I wouldn't have known it wasn't an option.
You know drinking alcohol is funny in a way. There are so many things that we can't do as people, some people can't do back flips, swim 20 miles, juggle 5 balls, etc.... Yet, we don't care that we can't do these things and they don't consume our thought patterns, like being able to drink does. To me the fact that you have to consider moderation management, proabably means drinking is not for you.
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