ProteusXR

Hey everybody! This is my first post on SR forums. I've been trolling around these threads for awhile now, reading about other's experiences, and figured I would make an account. I'm twenty two years old and have been sober for seven months.

Recently, I've noticed myself having nostalgic thoughts, not only about drinking, but more so about the chaos of the lifestyle I was living. I don't really know how to explain it, but there is some bizarre part of my mind that is addicted to the pink cloud that comes after a few months of turmoil. The constant moving from state to state, and meeting new people that come and go, it all has some weird sort of gravitation. Anyways, I know that these thoughts are present when I start becoming restless. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks. Much love.

Dee74

Hi Proteus - I think a lot of us found the chaos and drama of that life was every bit as intoxicating and alluring as the drugs we used.

For me, I was well past ready to embrace the quiet life and peace, so I'm not sure what advice I have for those who still crave chaos...

but, like you, I look forward to hearing what others have to say

D

2granddaughters

In AA's "The Doctor's Opinion" the alcoholic is described thusly:

"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are restless, irritable and discontented, unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery."

Would this apply to you?

All the best.

Bob R

Caldus

Hey ProteusXR,

I'm also addicted to the chaotic lifestyle that is usually attached to the drinking. I never went out to bars but I'm addicted to the "what gives" attitude when you are out there drinking with friends or alone. It's as addicting as the drink itself. The idea of living a sober life without this stuff is sometimes a daunting task for me, but I need to learn to focus on how to stay sober for today only. I can always drink tomorrow, but today I need to worry about how to stay sober today.

I know that when I'm out there drinking, I completely lose control of the quantity of drinking and the actions I inflict on myself and others. Even if I try to minimize it all in my head because I drink alone 99% of the time, I know it's still very dangerous and it has very serious ramifications down the road.

Hang in there and stay strong with the sobriety. I also would like to hear others talk about how they dealt with this issue.

MrsKing

I was 2 years older than you when I quit drinking. Between the ages of 18 and 24 my life revolved around bars, clubs, parties, gigs, holidays centred around drinking, etc. My life was one big party. After I got married, my husband wanted us to settle down but I didn't want to stop drinking. I went out of my way to continue that lifestyle, but because I had nobody left to continue it with, I got drunk on my own and managed to create ridiculous amounts of drama and chaos. It was such a horrible way to live. I still don't know why I needed that feeling of craziness - I think I felt like it was part of who I was, part of my identity - that if I gave it all up then I was giving up some precious part of myself. It didn't take long for me to realise how ugly it all was. It all became clear after one night, and since then I've been VERY happy to avoid any drama, conflict, chaos and craziness. I just want peace.

You're lucky that you didn't get to the point where your drama and chaos and all that stuff came back to bite you in the butt... I'm glad you quit whilst you were ahead.

It's very easy to romanticise alcohol. I find myself looking back on moments in my life where I was 'happy' and 'carefree' and 'loving life' and for a moment I think of how exciting and fun it all was... then I realise that really, I was just on the beginning of the horrible journey that would land me in hospital, ruin relationships, embarrass myself horrifically and in a position where I wanted myself dead.

If I ever catch myself missing that 'fun' in any way, I remind myself of the real truth.