FreddyBear

Well, to make a long story short, I'm very introverted and at the age of 31 have no family of my own and no friends. However, I have developed a serious drinking problems by downing ridiculous amounts of beer every day, at home, alone.

I'm on day 23 now, and starting to argue with myself. Here's what my mind tells me:

- what do I have to loose? I'm unable to live happily due to absence of social life, which is caused by severe social anxiety. I have nobody to talk to, to confide in and my head is going to explode.

- I'm unable to form relationships with females, at all. It never goes beyond "official" stage, and never will.

- What is the point to care about this all, if I'm going to live a miserable life and be dead in maximum of 40 years, with no one to acknowledge my existence and remember me?

I've stopped because my depression became very bad due to my benders. But sobriety doesn't get better as many here are talking about. In fact, it's getting worse each day, and I have to really battle my cravings. It's my third attempt to quit, but it seems it's only a matter of time when I'd be back in "business". I try to improve my life - going to fitness club, skiing a lot, working hard and succeed in my business, attempt to socialize, but the latter is a total failure. I feel like I'm doomed.

How can one manage this sobriety thing if there is no real motivation to live, and no one around?

Dee74

I think a lot of us make the mistake of assuming that because our life is a certain way today it will always be that way.

That's not true - it's certainly not true once we move out from under the cloud of addiction....the parameters really do change then - but we need to make that leap of faith first...and stick with it for a while and probably do a little bit of trudging...

real change is never overnight, and I believe it takes more than 30 days Freddie...to be honest I think you really need to give things 90 days or even more to really evaluate sobriety.

It's tough sometimes, sure...but really no tougher than the drinking life we had IMO.

The good news is there is always support....I didn't have any real life support to speak of either - but it's not a dealbreaker.

There's an amazing amount of support around.

I had SR. Other people use recovery groups like AA or SMART or similar organisations.

Simialrly, if you feel anxious or depressed to the point where your life is adversely affected then maybe you need to consult your Dr, Freddie?

D

Johno1967

I think only you can answer that.
Also ask yourself:
- Am I an alcoholic?
- Am I depressed?
- What am I going to do about it?
Getting sober is easy, its the transition that's difficult, the getting though each day. The change in perception that comes with not drinking. The cravings and mood swings, the depression and loneliness. Doing it alone is virtually impossible and truly a hard slog.
Given enough time a lot of people would go back to the "refuge" of alcohol knowing that they will regret it.
There are so many recovery options, even for introverts like us. I felt like I was sitting in my underwear at my first AA meeting and I was really awkward. I was asked to share and I introduced myself and told them it was the first time I'd ever verbalized the words "I'm an alcoholic" to anyone.The room filled with cheers and claps. Its an understatement to say I felt welcome. Speaking in a room full of sympathetic people will also build confidence.
Whatever your ideas or preconceptions are about AA it might be a great place to meet people and make friends.

hamabi

Only an opinion but mine is that continued drinking will place you at a different decision point. One where it isn't a choice between doing a lot of work to have a great life vs. drinking and feeling miserable. You've to this point decided on the latter choice. The occasional temporary stretches of not drinking and feeling horrible aren't any useful choice at all, as you know.

When the physical issues begin and the choices become drinking and feeling miserable and suffering degrading hospital visits and becoming unable to funtion outside your four walls and continual warnings from caring medical professionals that you're dying from drink vs doing a lot of work to have a great life; then you have the opportunity to make another choice.

We always can make a new choice until we can't.

Fandy

Freddy congrats on your 3+ weeks
Please don't stop trying to overcome feeling awkward socially....as a woman, i'm telling you that we have all been there too. You have so many more options to have a real life when you are sober.

Tamerua

Can I ask a question? Have you tried a meeting or would you be willing? I am extremely shy, like... You know that term "painfully shy"? That's me. But when I go to a meeting, I am forced to talk to people, phone numbers are put into my hand, people ask me to sit with them, etc so it takes all of the pain of meeting people out of the equation for me.

Just a thought, because you're right. Without support and feeling lonely, I could see saying what is the point. Although... Not hating yourself is the best reason.

Best of luck.

pkrma

Freddy, I can relate to you quite a bit my friend. You say you quit because your depression got too bad- I think that suggests that at that point you must have had some small sliver of hope for a better life. That little bit of hope, that comes from a real place in your mind and you’ve got to grasp onto it and use it to motivate yourself to work hard at rebuilding your life from the ground up.

40 years may be all you have left, but 40 years is actually a long time. I think about this often for myself. When I am old and near death, I know I'll look back on my life, and I really hope I won't feel like I wasted it. I know every day, every experience I have and every action I make is just part of a big story which will be the story of my life. At the end, I want to be able to look back and say I tried my hardest to accomplish all the things I wanted to accomplish, and that I made the best possible effort to live a good, moral life, treating people with respect and dignity, and making sure the choices I made benefit the people around me as much as myself.

Well, I know I won’t be able to live the kind of life I want to live if I continue to drink. And it’s not easy to live that kind of life even if I don’t drink. It takes a tremendous amount of motivation and effort. But right now I feel like I’m truly doing my best. The last two (sober) months has probably been the first period in my life that I know I’ll look back on and say I have no regrets.

My signature is no excuses, no regrets. Freddy, I just want to let you know that I think no matter how hard it is for you, there is truly no excuse to waste your life. Even if you feel insignificant, I promise you, you’re not. Life is an opportunity, it’s not automatically good, you need to overcome a lot of obstacles to do good things in this world, but I’m sure that in the end, it’s worth it.

I’m also a shy person with social anxiety. I got some counseling to help me when I was having panic attacks, and the professional help I got in that area was invaluable. Even though I only had one session, it changed my life. Just knowing that social anxiety is common and that the treatment is to accept it and learn how to tolerate it, not to try to make it go away, that really was a turning point for me. Eventually it was part of what made me realize that I needed to get sober. There is no shame in seeking help, and it certainly can’t hurt.

brazzaville

Dear FreddyBear

Another thing to consider is that as human beings, we all change to a greater or lesser extent whether we drink or not. The fact that you are not in a relationship now by no means indicates it will never happen. There are plenty of people looking for relationships, and plenty who are in relationships that are not making them happy. There will be girls out there who would be very happy to be in a relationship with you...if you continue not drinking there will be more chances for these changes in your life to happen.
I'm on day 31 now and reading these posts makes me realise that my own challenges and anxieties will not necessarily disappear as soon as I'd like them to. However, this morning I woke up and was happy once again not to be hungover and sick. Every morning this happens makes me realise how important it is for me not to drink.
Keep up the good work - day 23 is fantastic!! 23 days of your body repairing itself - 23 days with no hangover - you are definitely going in the right direction towards a much better future!
All the best
Brazzaville

hypochondriac

That's me too FreddyBear, exactly! Except I'm a girl (woman/spinster/I may consider becoming a cat lady...).

There is some glimmer of hope somewhere... but it doesn't happen without a bit more sobriety. Staying sober was a constant battle for me for months and then when it got easier I was able to start seeing some positives. Believe when I say that it is the alcohol that is making you feel that way.

It sounds like you're still fighting it a bit too, have you looked into recovery methods at all?

Btw, you have us to confide in and your head isn't actually going to explode. I found reminding myself of that always helped x

sugarbear1

I was shy, too. I found out my shyness was self-centeredness. If I were always thinking about what others thought of me, if I felt odd in a group, then that was part of my self-centereness and selfishness. Selfishess. Wow! Who would have thought! I found out other things working on my 5th step. I also found out I wasn't alone in this kind of thinking.

Humans are flawed, but we all have our strengths and weaknesses.

Introversion, yes, I still enjoy being alone and I get energized by this. Today, I know humans do need other people in their lives. I need other people in my life. I'm not less than, I'm not more than; I am just me, and I'm okay with that.

I've sat in rooms full of people who have social anxiety and a drinking problem, and somehow, we all learn how to be social beings. The coolest thing is to watch people grow in these places, to see people blossom!

When sobriety gets worse, than it's a sign of my alcoholism: I can't live comfortably in my own skin without drinking and I need a new solution. I found it in the 12 steps of recovery.

You are very young at 31, do you really want to live alone for another 31, 41, 51, or 61+ years? That's a very long time to deprive other people of your humor, your time, your love.....You are worthy of staying stopped and there is a way out, if you choose to get into action and do something about it!

Sobriety is action.

I wish you well on your sober journey. May you find a design for living where you can find your authentic self and serenity.

With love & hugs,

FreddyBear

Wow, thanks a lot for support and kind words. You all made me through this day. AA meetings were suggested here, but I can't see myself opening the door and entereing a room full of strangers. I think eye to eye talk will work better for me, but not sure what kind of specialist I should seek - psychologist or psychiatrist. Haven't ever been to psych doctors and not sure what exactly to say when they ask why I came.

Dee suggested it to be at least 90 days to start feeling some changes... oh my. That's a lot, never went dry for so long since age of 15. I can't wait until my abstinence transforms to sobriety, because fighting the cravings on daily basis is exhausting.

hypochondriac

Have a look into AVRT Freddy, and Urge surfing. You don't wanna be fighting any cravings! x

mytime66

Hello Freddybear. Time sober will help build your confidence. I to am a shy guy but I refuse to allow it to limit me anymore. Mentioned above about how others will welcome you with open arms and hearts at a meeting, they will and do. You have to accept the invite. Force yourself you will enjoy the result. Good luck and remember you're not alone you have all of us here.

sugarbear1

I don't suggest AA unless my gut is telling me something.....I know AA will be there when you decide it might be an option.

If you can't stay stopped, it'll be there! Plus there are social events and there's a young people's group, which includes your age!

When the pain of not drinking and the pain while drinking are strong, there is another way.

Why not find an addiction therapist?

If you require medication, then you can seek a psychiatrist or medical doctor.

Fandy

Freddy, my psych. doctor was a very nice woman who got caught in traffic a lot and told me her dog was too needy.....everyone is human.