Tetra

In spite of all my plans, today wasn't a great day. I came home from my jog, to be told by my dad that my aunt had called and there was a death in the family - my great aunt. The funeral is arranged for next Wednesday, so other family members have time to get here. This has brought up all sorts of emotions. I'm going to be brutally honest now, I have mixed feelings. In my opinion, the woman was a horrible old battleaxe, and I'm not going to start spouting on about what a wonderful woman she was now she's dead, because the truth is, she wasn't. She was cold and mean-spirited. The thought of having to deal with extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins,) and nosy neighbours from the village next Wednesday is doing my head in. I feel like skipping the whole thing altogether, by saying I have a very important lecture that I can't miss. If anyone has any advice, I would appreciate it.

Also today, the washing machine just exploded or something. I've just spent the last hour ankle deep in suds and water, with a mop and a bucket. I have been sober for over a year, but I would LOVE a glass of wine right now. Instead, I'm on the couch with my version of comfort food - a peanut butter and jam sandwich and a glass of milk. I am also planning on cracking open a tub of Ben and Jerry's Phish food after this. I feel very guilty...for thinking about wine, and for thinking badly of a 90 year old woman. RIP Mrs L - I hope you are happier now, wherever you are, and please make an effort to get along with the others down there!!

miko67

Tetra U make me laugh. My heads not in best of places to start givin out advice but ill just spout some **** coz im Scottish n ur Irish and we got a gd bond like that.
You've had a tough few weeks I think I should applause your spirit because a weaker soul would have broke. I broke at Christmas couldn't deal with people and expectations. Had a funeral too in Jan but I got past that but I tell ye im questioning my existance sometimes.
But I know soon its gonny be sunny, its not gonny be as tough as this, this is a rocky patch im sure we R on to brighter things and it'll be better soon. If not well at least we gave it a good shot. Yeah my head is pickled everyones doing my head in, I don't know who I am sometimes and feel right angry but im gritting my teeth through this. Hope U can get through it too..

Xune

Funerals...are for the living.

You are under no obligation to speak positively of your great Aunt, but what would be gained of speaking negatively to family about her?

You also shouldn't feel bad about having honest thoughts, even if they're not positive about someone who is dead.

Everyone dies one day...even jerks.

I think about drinking everyday. It's what you do with the thoughts that matters, not the thoughts themselves.

Adillac

No need to feel guilty about the little wine thought. I think about punching my housemate quite frequently- doesn't mean I really want to, or will.

I was just talking to an AA friend today about avoiding a social engagement tonight. He thought that maybe not avoiding this situation would be good for me. I find that sometimes it just simplifies my life a wee bit if I just follow through with something or "show up". Hope that helps.