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Young and in recovery

Old 01-18-2013, 06:12 PM
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Young and in recovery

Sometimes I miss going out and drinking and drinking all my favorite beers. I feel like the only young person in recovery though that is not true. I have no intention of returning to my old life but sometimes it is hard. I attended my first women's meeting and met a lot of young women there. I miss beer a lot sometimes but I know if I go out again I may not make it back to AA for another 20 years or I may never make it back. I'm 28 years old.
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Old 01-18-2013, 06:16 PM
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Congratulations on your decision to stop drinking.

Take some time and find new activities to get involved in. Find something you love to do or volunteer in your communiy. You will meet new sober people and have fun.
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Old 01-18-2013, 06:25 PM
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Great decision you have made to quit.
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Old 01-18-2013, 06:42 PM
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I'm a 28 year old female, too. I am bored out of my mind tonight. I tried a rosetta stone demo, not sure if I want to purchase it or not. I'm really just looking for ways to kill time at this point. I really need to make sober friends. I would go for a walk or something but it is bitterly cold. At least I won't wake up with a hang over tomorrow. Hopefully I can fall asleep somewhat early. The weekends are my biggest challenge.
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Old 01-18-2013, 06:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
Sometimes I miss going out and drinking and drinking all my favorite beers. I feel like the only young person in recovery though that is not true. I have no intention of returning to my old life but sometimes it is hard. I attended my first women's meeting and met a lot of young women there. I miss beer a lot sometimes but I know if I go out again I may not make it back to AA for another 20 years or I may never make it back. I'm 28 years old.
I knew in my heart when I was your age that I needed help but couldn't bring myself to face it. I stayed out 17 more years......

I do not recommend that you do that. Grab AA with all you got. It will be hard at first but it will save your life. I promise.

Get friends in the new group of ladies and go to meetings together, keep each other going. It is easier with peers in AA.

All the best, girl.

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Old 01-18-2013, 07:52 PM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
Sometimes I miss going out and drinking and drinking all my favorite beers. I feel like the only young person in recovery though that is not true. I have no intention of returning to my old life but sometimes it is hard. I attended my first women's meeting and met a lot of young women there. I miss beer a lot sometimes but I know if I go out again I may not make it back to AA for another 20 years or I may never make it back. I'm 28 years old.
You're not missing anything, believe me. Took me 15 years to learn that the hard way. Enjoy 28, being sober and building a wonderful life.
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Old 01-18-2013, 08:02 PM
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I was 23 years old when I put down the drink. Alcohol ruined my life. And it was only getting worse, never better. I'm now almost 52 and my life is incredibly full of experiences and joys that when drinking were not only impossible, but unimaginable. All I cared about was where my alcohol was coming from. Alcohol is a liar. The only thing you're missing is misery. To keep on drinking, for me, was missing life. Can't tell you how grateful I am that I found recovery when I did, and a moment later.
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Old 01-18-2013, 08:02 PM
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My first husband was 20 when he got sober, and that was 33 years ago, when there were a lot fewer young people in AA. He had a lot of friends who were a bit older than he was, but over the years he has sponsored a LOT of young guys because he remembers what it was like.

You will enjoy your long, happy sober life a LOT more than you would enjoy those beers, which would drag you back down into the pit you're climbing out of, and keep you there for the years you could be having fun, starting a family, having a career. You want to trade all that for a few beers?

Nah, didn't think so. Have you checked out any of the ICYPAA activities? (I think that's International Conference of Young People in AA.) They do some cool activities, and local Intergroups sometimes have retreats and social activities for younger people if that interests you.
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Old 01-18-2013, 09:02 PM
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I understand your frustration! I'm in a sober-living house on a Friday night doing someone else's chore (dishes)! lol. You've gotten some great advice so not sure I could add anything except to say- Hang in there!
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Old 01-18-2013, 09:39 PM
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I think age is totally relative. There's an 18 year old I know and love in and out of AA who considers me old. According to him, I can't understand what it's like to want to drink and hang out with my friends and be "young". I'm 29.

When I came into AA at 24, everyone perceived me as young. But I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. I felt about 80 years old and was weary of life already. I feel much younger now!

I'm sure it's very difficult if your social life has surrounded drinking, but you'll develop new parameters for your social life. You'll meet new people in AA to hang with, and you'll figure out how to still fit your friends into your life (assuming they're actually friends and not just drinking buddies). Change is always hard.
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Old 01-19-2013, 07:49 AM
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I have all these activities and groups I joined through meet up.com but my parents won't let me get out of the house after 7:30pm and it is frustrating because I so want friends but no one understands my situation. I just want to run away from my family. My mom constantly criticizes me for my weight and my dad too. My mom told me I was too needy because I want friends and that I attend too many AA meetings. She told me never to trust anyone and keep everyone at a distance. Anytime I try and discuss feelings I get called dramatic. Sorry I really do love my family but sometimes I get so frustrated with them. Im trying to find a job so I can move out soon.
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Old 01-19-2013, 08:09 AM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
Sometimes I miss going out and drinking and drinking all my favorite beers. I feel like the only young person in recovery though that is not true. I have no intention of returning to my old life but sometimes it is hard. I attended my first women's meeting and met a lot of young women there. I miss beer a lot sometimes but I know if I go out again I may not make it back to AA for another 20 years or I may never make it back. I'm 28 years old.
I am young also... Do I miss my vodka? Would be lying if I told that I don't. But I know it was killing me... I had no intention of returning also, but I did. Stay strong, do not drink again please!
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Old 01-19-2013, 08:23 AM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
I have all these activities and groups I joined through meet up.com but my parents won't let me get out of the house after 7:30pm and it is frustrating because I so want friends but no one understands my situation. I just want to run away from my family. My mom constantly criticizes me for my weight and my dad too. My mom told me I was too needy because I want friends and that I attend too many AA meetings. She told me never to trust anyone and keep everyone at a distance. Anytime I try and discuss feelings I get called dramatic. Sorry I really do love my family but sometimes I get so frustrated with them. Im trying to find a job so I can move out soon.
I was living with my parents when I quit drinking also. I had a profession, but too many student loans to be able to make it month to month on my own. They also didn't think I even had a problem with alcohol. They had never seen me drink. Ever. I always thought they were super critical, but I was also overly sensitive. Going through the process of recovery, I also learned how to grow up. I learned to see my parents as real people separate from myself. They can't give away what they don't have. They will never be people that I discuss my recovery or my emotional issues with. I am ok with that today, and I have a great relationship with them. Ultimately, my happiness, my growth as a person, and my sobriety is my own responsibility. That doesn't mean I run away and turn my back on my parents because they couldn't be the people I wanted them to be. Moving out did help me. I talk to them much more now than I ever did when I lived with them.

You will be ok. Keep working for your recovery!
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Old 01-19-2013, 08:32 AM
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Thanks I do have a better relationship with my parents today part of the reason they dont trust me is because i used to hide in my room and drink and use their money. But I slowly have their trust back today.
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Old 01-19-2013, 08:43 AM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
Thanks I do have a better relationship with my parents today part of the reason they dont trust me is because i used to hide in my room and drink and use their money.
That'll do it!
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Old 01-19-2013, 09:30 AM
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I don't blame you for chafing at a 7:30 pm curfew! OTOH, they did not have to let you stay there, so it's good that you are respecting their rules. Hope you are able to get your own place, soon--maybe you will find another young AA who needs a roommate. You never know--it might be good to ask around.
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Old 01-19-2013, 09:37 AM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
Thanks I do have a better relationship with my parents today part of the reason they dont trust me is because i used to hide in my room and drink and use their money. But I slowly have their trust back today.
Aha! The full picture emerges...ha ha. Yes, trust is something that doesn't come back overnight. We have stepped on the toes of others and they retaliated. My wife used to sniff my water bottle now and then early in my recovery (my fave place for vodka!) and there are brief flashes of that mistrust that crops up now and then. But it takes time for us to rebuild that trust through not intentions, but actions. The world judges us on our actions, and it is through them that we can slowly build back what was lost.
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Old 01-19-2013, 09:57 AM
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My brother used to not like what i was doing and keep his distance from me but now he always tells me how proud of me he is and i get to spend more time with my niece and nephew and I get along so well with my sisterinlaw now. We both accept each other now. Im going to be seeing my therapist once a month to work through my childhood issues that caused me to start drinking. Im so happy to have a new sponsor that I can trust and feel safe around.
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Old 01-19-2013, 03:31 PM
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I was always the youngest one in detox and on day programmes. I hated it - I used to curse my body and brain for breaking so early and not alowing me to have the 'fun' that everyone else was having.

I'm now grateful I got sober fairly young. I have much more of my life to look forward to, free from addiction, where I have real choices about who I am and what I do with my life.

The truth is no mater how much I wished for it to be different, the reality is, I am one of those people who can not drink, because I can not stop once I've started.

I'm lucky to be alive and grateful to be sober. I have an amazing life now. I have lots of (real) fun (not fake alcohol fun), I run my own business, I have lots of love in my life. I am free! And I can only do that by not drinking. I'm 32 now by the way, and extremely happy to be sober and in recovery, and looking forward to the rest of my life living this way. You're very, very lucky - embrace it
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Old 01-19-2013, 03:46 PM
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Originally Posted by Anoronha View Post
I have all these activities and groups I joined through meet up.com but my parents won't let me get out of the house after 7:30pm and it is frustrating because I so want friends but no one understands my situation. I just want to run away from my family. My mom constantly criticizes me for my weight and my dad too. My mom told me I was too needy because I want friends and that I attend too many AA meetings. She told me never to trust anyone and keep everyone at a distance. Anytime I try and discuss feelings I get called dramatic. Sorry I really do love my family but sometimes I get so frustrated with them. Im trying to find a job so I can move out soon.
Hold up here--your 28 years old and parents won't let you out of the house past 7:30? Um, what gives here, your an adult!

I hope you do find a job soon and your own place, because your family sounds really controlling. Tell your mom put a sock in it already and mind her own darn business, and that includes the numbers on your bathroom scale!

To be a little more empathetic towards your mom, it sounds like she's very afraid of losing her "control" over you--which may mean fear of you growing up finally and getting your own life. Don't listen to her. You are not needy, she is. Find your own friends and talk to them about your problems, because it sounds like your not getting any validation of your feelings from your family, and from the sound of it you won't any time soon. This has nothing to do with your worth as a person, and everything to do with their dysfunction.

Might I suggest a therapist to talk to?

Sometimes when other people aren't confronting their own problems and dysfunctions, they will sabotage a loved ones attempt to change and get a life for themselves.

It might seem scary to leave your comfort zone with your family, but it I think it might be healing for all involved. They will still love you when you leave.

Take care and hang in there.
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