Young and in recovery
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by janiebluebird 
I also agree that 7:30 is a bit early. Sometimes too many restrictions make things worse.
Why does she even have a curfew in the first place? If she's not going out and getting drunk and coming home at four o'clock in the morning, why does she need a curfew? Doesn't she have a key to the front door? Am I missing something here?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Swamps Of Jersey
Posts: 7
I'm 34...but I've kept my youthful beauty and innocence. 
Joking...but I do understand everyone's frustrations. I feel like I'm in some weird middle age of sobriety...not young, not old, you know? Seems like everyone in the rooms I attend is either 10 years younger than me...or 15 years older. Not that age really matters of course...I'm just saying...it feels odd as far as figuring out what sober "activies" I feel like doing...playing Call Of Duty or playing Pinochle.
Joking...but I do understand everyone's frustrations. I feel like I'm in some weird middle age of sobriety...not young, not old, you know? Seems like everyone in the rooms I attend is either 10 years younger than me...or 15 years older. Not that age really matters of course...I'm just saying...it feels odd as far as figuring out what sober "activies" I feel like doing...playing Call Of Duty or playing Pinochle.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3,065
I was 31 when I first for clean. Although I now still grieve for those days, I know that if I hadn't of stopped then, i would have died from an od or at the very least be in a very bad way. Much, much more damage would have been done...I have done enough damage using and shrinking for just a few months now at 34, I'd hate to think where id be without all those years in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
Whether her curfew is fair or not isn't the point. She is living with them, at the age of 28, and should abide by their rules. Part of sobriety is learning to grow up and accept the consequences of our actions. I think it sounds like she's trying to do that.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Gal220
Whether her curfew is fair or not isn't the point. She is living with them, at the age of 28, and should abide by their rules. Part of sobriety is learning to grow up and accept the consequences of our actions. I think it sounds like she's trying to do that.
She is an ADULT, and they are treating her like a CHILD, which she is not. It doesn't matter to me whether it's "their house." If I go to visit or stay with my mother, she doesn't require me to come home at a certain hour, and the few expectations she has are based on consideration, such as "please replace something if you use it"--because I am a GROWN UP.
And believe you me, If she did, I'd go stay in a homeless shelter if that was my only other option, because I have boundaries for crying out loud! At least at a shelter they don't criticize your weight and the curfew is at 10:00.
Furthermore, her mother is actively trying to sabotage her confidence and her sobriety, by criticizing her weight, telling her she "goes to many A.A meetings" and is to "needy for friends," when the girl is trying to stay sober and is lonely for friends!!! No wonder she's struggling!
The whole "curfew" thing would be one thing if they were truly in her corner, (and the curfew was more reasonable for an adult) but their behavior and attitudes sounds to me like it's controlling and not SUPPORTIVE, which I personally believe will end up undermining her sobriety, not helping it.
The title of her post says "Young and in recovery" so I expected her to be 19 or so, not 28. She's almost 30 years old! The relationship she has with her family doesn't sound HEALTHY!!!
How on earth can she learn to "grow up" if they are treating her like a child?!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
Originally Posted by Gforce23
I'm sorry, I'm not here to pick a fight, so I hope it doesn't come across like that, but I completely and totally disagree with this reasoning.
She is an ADULT, and they are treating her like a CHILD, which she is not. It doesn't matter to me whether it's "their house." If I go to visit or stay with my mother, she doesn't require me to come home at a certain hour, and the few expectations she has are based on consideration, such as "please replace something if you use it"--because I am a GROWN UP.
And believe you me, If she did, I'd go stay in a homeless shelter if that was my only other option, because I have boundaries for crying out loud! At least at a shelter they don't criticize your weight and the curfew is at 10:00.
Furthermore, her mother is actively trying to sabotage her confidence and her sobriety, by criticizing her weight, telling her she "goes to many A.A meetings" and is to "needy for friends," when the girl is trying to stay sober and is lonely for friends!!! No wonder she's struggling!
The whole "curfew" thing would be one thing if they were truly in her corner, (and the curfew was more reasonable for an adult) but their behavior and attitudes sounds to me like it's controlling and not SUPPORTIVE, which I personally believe will end up undermining her sobriety, not helping it.
The title of her post says "Young and in recovery" so I expected her to be 19 or so, not 28. She's almost 30 years old! The relationship she has with her family doesn't sound HEALTHY!!!
How on earth can she learn to "grow up" if they are treating her like a child?!
She is an ADULT, and they are treating her like a CHILD, which she is not. It doesn't matter to me whether it's "their house." If I go to visit or stay with my mother, she doesn't require me to come home at a certain hour, and the few expectations she has are based on consideration, such as "please replace something if you use it"--because I am a GROWN UP.
And believe you me, If she did, I'd go stay in a homeless shelter if that was my only other option, because I have boundaries for crying out loud! At least at a shelter they don't criticize your weight and the curfew is at 10:00.
Furthermore, her mother is actively trying to sabotage her confidence and her sobriety, by criticizing her weight, telling her she "goes to many A.A meetings" and is to "needy for friends," when the girl is trying to stay sober and is lonely for friends!!! No wonder she's struggling!
The whole "curfew" thing would be one thing if they were truly in her corner, (and the curfew was more reasonable for an adult) but their behavior and attitudes sounds to me like it's controlling and not SUPPORTIVE, which I personally believe will end up undermining her sobriety, not helping it.
The title of her post says "Young and in recovery" so I expected her to be 19 or so, not 28. She's almost 30 years old! The relationship she has with her family doesn't sound HEALTHY!!!
How on earth can she learn to "grow up" if they are treating her like a child?!
It sounds like she's trying to grow up, though. She said she can't move out right now because of financial reasons. If her situation was so intolerable to her, she would find a way. She obviously gets more benefit from relying on her parents than detriment. She is plenty old enough to be self-sufficient and independent. I give her kudos for starting to do that. She's seeking solutions, and it sounds like she's on her way!
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
With all due respect, the OP's relationship with their family is her own. I don't see how speculation on motives and making declarative statements about intentions will help the OP. Personal experiences in this area may be more helpful, rather than blanket statements on people we don't know.
Just my opinion.
Just my opinion.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
If I may return to the original questions that started this thread.
Anoronha? Congratulations on your sober time, that is awesome. Congratulations as well for your wisdom, courage and will power in making a better life for yourself in spite of all the challenges you have mentioned and this nasty disease we all share.
Out here we have meetings that are called "Young People". Officially they are a part of AA, but the young-uns are all "poly-addicted" so they talk about _all_ the chemicals you can think of. They go out for dinner after the meet, they have picnics on the weekends, retreats up in the mountains.
There is one around the corner from my apartment, and when I go I am _way_ the oldest person in the room. They welcome me just the same, never once have they made me feel different or unwanted simply because I am old enough to be their grand-pa.
One of the things I love about recovery is that it's not about where we have been, or how long we were there, or anything to do with what we did or did not do. At the meets I go to the focus is on today. Who we are right now, what we are doing with our lives at this moment in order to become the people we want to be. That is what makes us equal.
Anoronha, congratulations again, and well done. And thank you for not thinking I am too old to listen to your share and learn from your experience.
Mike
Moderator, SR
Anoronha? Congratulations on your sober time, that is awesome. Congratulations as well for your wisdom, courage and will power in making a better life for yourself in spite of all the challenges you have mentioned and this nasty disease we all share.
Out here we have meetings that are called "Young People". Officially they are a part of AA, but the young-uns are all "poly-addicted" so they talk about _all_ the chemicals you can think of. They go out for dinner after the meet, they have picnics on the weekends, retreats up in the mountains.
There is one around the corner from my apartment, and when I go I am _way_ the oldest person in the room. They welcome me just the same, never once have they made me feel different or unwanted simply because I am old enough to be their grand-pa.
One of the things I love about recovery is that it's not about where we have been, or how long we were there, or anything to do with what we did or did not do. At the meets I go to the focus is on today. Who we are right now, what we are doing with our lives at this moment in order to become the people we want to be. That is what makes us equal.
Anoronha, congratulations again, and well done. And thank you for not thinking I am too old to listen to your share and learn from your experience.
Mike
Moderator, SR
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by paul99
With all due respect, the OP's relationship with their family is her own. I don't see how speculation on motives and making declarative statements about intentions will help the OP. Personal experiences in this area may be more helpful, rather than blanket statements on people we don't know.
Just my opinion.
Just my opinion.
I Personally think that parents insisting on a 7:30 curfew for their adult daughter is a "red flag" that needed pointing out. However, I'm not going to keep going here, because it's becoming un-constructive-- Hopefully she can decide on the validity (or lack their of,) of my statements, and whether they have any value or truth for her in her situation for herself.
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