My last bottom...
Better when never is never
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Wisconsin near Twin Cities
Posts: 1,745
My last bottom...
This morning I woke up and while I normally quietly meditate on accepting my alcoholism and decision to quit drinking, today, I had the urge to go over it in writing. I eventually was reminded of my last bottom. It wasn't my last time drinking, but it was another blatant display of my alcoholism, my current condition at the time, and a stronger indicator of my likely future. I though I would share it here. I wrote:
"Remember the last low point in XXXXXX? Beer, one right after the other. Then the wine came and I was drunk but drank it like water. XXXXX poured the glass right down the front of my shirt and I said nothing. There was no protest. I took it like a loser as the wine puddled in my crotch. I was nearly incoherent. I had to pay my bill, go through the lobby, take a taxi, walk passed the receptionist, and into my apartment almost black out drunk with my shirt and pants wet with red wine. Back at home, I threw up, spewing all over the place, crying like a baby. Luckily, xxxx and xxx were asleep, but what kind of father and husband is that? Am I? The next day, I was a miserable mess and could not work, or be a father, or a husband, or exercise… What kind of pitiful person is that?
Yes, that was an extreme and rare occurrence, but was it worth it to your dignity? What if your kids had seen you? What if a coworker had seen you? What if someone who had just interviewed you for a job had seen you? What if your sober self had seen you? What kind of person lives like that? That kind of behavior reflects a lack of maturity, a lack of self-respect, a lack of self-esteem, and a lack of purpose in life. Most of all, it reflects your alcoholism. You were not a young person making an early drinking mistake that would forever change your drinking habits. You were in your 40s and had done this before."
That was definitely one of the lowest points upon reflection. I have done worse in terms of screwing people over, but those haven't had the same emotional impact (yet?). Anyway, it is my past and part of my story. Today, I am a happily sober father and husband.
"Remember the last low point in XXXXXX? Beer, one right after the other. Then the wine came and I was drunk but drank it like water. XXXXX poured the glass right down the front of my shirt and I said nothing. There was no protest. I took it like a loser as the wine puddled in my crotch. I was nearly incoherent. I had to pay my bill, go through the lobby, take a taxi, walk passed the receptionist, and into my apartment almost black out drunk with my shirt and pants wet with red wine. Back at home, I threw up, spewing all over the place, crying like a baby. Luckily, xxxx and xxx were asleep, but what kind of father and husband is that? Am I? The next day, I was a miserable mess and could not work, or be a father, or a husband, or exercise… What kind of pitiful person is that?
Yes, that was an extreme and rare occurrence, but was it worth it to your dignity? What if your kids had seen you? What if a coworker had seen you? What if someone who had just interviewed you for a job had seen you? What if your sober self had seen you? What kind of person lives like that? That kind of behavior reflects a lack of maturity, a lack of self-respect, a lack of self-esteem, and a lack of purpose in life. Most of all, it reflects your alcoholism. You were not a young person making an early drinking mistake that would forever change your drinking habits. You were in your 40s and had done this before."
That was definitely one of the lowest points upon reflection. I have done worse in terms of screwing people over, but those haven't had the same emotional impact (yet?). Anyway, it is my past and part of my story. Today, I am a happily sober father and husband.
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