The big book
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Join Date: Jan 2013
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The big book
I was reading the big book today after a long time. I highlighted a lot of important things to me and what I find confusing. One passage stuck out to me
Here it is
Most people try to live by self propulsion . Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show is forever trying to arrange the lights the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody including himself would be pleased.5 life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may be quite virtuous. He may be kind considerate patient generous even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand he may be mean egotistical selfish and dishonest. But as with most humans he is more likely to have varied traits.
If you want share what this means to you. I have been thinking on this a lot how it applies to me.
Here it is
Most people try to live by self propulsion . Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show is forever trying to arrange the lights the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way. If his arrangements would only stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show would be great. Everybody including himself would be pleased.5 life would be wonderful. In trying to make these arrangements our actor may be quite virtuous. He may be kind considerate patient generous even modest and self-sacrificing. On the other hand he may be mean egotistical selfish and dishonest. But as with most humans he is more likely to have varied traits.
If you want share what this means to you. I have been thinking on this a lot how it applies to me.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
I'm glad you're getting into your Big Book! I have always been able to relate to this passage. To me, it means that I am always trying to be in control. I'm happy when circumstances and situations go the way I want them to and discontent when they don't. Drinking was never a social activity or fun for me. From the very first time I ever had a drink, I intended to get drunk. The act of trying to escape my feelings or my circumstances through getting drunk is essentially me saying, "Things aren't going the way I want, so I'm going to get drunk."
I have to learn to accept who I am, while at the same time striving to improve myself. I'm the only person I have control over. If I'm dissatisfied, angry, or hurt by someone or something, I can only control my reaction. I can't control people or situations. For me the serenity prayer is key in this area.
But even after a few years of sobriety, I'm still not expert at this! I am currently going through a tough time with this. Progress, not perfection.
I have to learn to accept who I am, while at the same time striving to improve myself. I'm the only person I have control over. If I'm dissatisfied, angry, or hurt by someone or something, I can only control my reaction. I can't control people or situations. For me the serenity prayer is key in this area.
But even after a few years of sobriety, I'm still not expert at this! I am currently going through a tough time with this. Progress, not perfection.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
The key to understanding that passage is in the first sentence.
Most of us are good people who want the best... for ourselves, for others... who want to be happy... want things to be "right"... "Life would be wonderful" ... And we try to make that happen...
But living by self propulsion doesn't always work very well... people don't react the way we think they should, or the weather wasn't right... if only this or that happened this or that way...
AA is a spiritual program. We begin to look somewhere else, other than self... self propulsion, self centeredness, self will....
There is a lot more to this and you picked a wonderful paragraph to come to us with to discuss... Thank you!
Most of us are good people who want the best... for ourselves, for others... who want to be happy... want things to be "right"... "Life would be wonderful" ... And we try to make that happen...
But living by self propulsion doesn't always work very well... people don't react the way we think they should, or the weather wasn't right... if only this or that happened this or that way...
AA is a spiritual program. We begin to look somewhere else, other than self... self propulsion, self centeredness, self will....
There is a lot more to this and you picked a wonderful paragraph to come to us with to discuss... Thank you!
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
If I were King the world would be a different place. Guess what? I am not King and I do not try to be any more. I have a hard enough time managing myself without taking on the responsibilities of other people places and things.
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
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It addresses the whole control issue for me also. I like to do everything I possibly can to make things work out wonderfully for me and everyone else, and when people do the exact opposite of what they're supposed to, and things don't work out the way I expected (or I know they should work out) - I'm not a happy camper. I wish this were entirely lifted from me as my compulsion to drink was, but I still struggle with it, as I believe many others do. I have to say though, it keeps me on my toes. And keeps me practicing the 12 steps.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Those pages (60s) speak more truth about me than any other piece of literature with which I am familiar. It speaks of the very root of my problem. Me. Self-will run riot. Selfishness, self-centeredness. Tells me the best news that I could possibly hear. That my problems are of my own making. Thank God for that! That means I can do something about them.
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,964
I did what I needed to so that everything would work out to my liking. I manipulated, lied, cheated, stole (even if it were your time) to get my way. I self-sacrificed so that you would like me or whatever else my goal was.....I was like a child, and when I had a temper tantrum (things didn't work out to my liking), I used that as an excuse to drink, to make me feel better....that's part of my life......
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This applies to me lately because i would like to control when I get a job I like and when I can further my education. I want it on my own time. Also I want to control how people perceive me including my parents and I cant control that. I can only control my actions and my thoughts and feelings. This is something i struggle with everyday. I don't like certain things in my life and i have to accept them. Somebody told me true acceptance is when you don't judge something. I am part way there not fully. But its progress not perfection.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Des Moines IA
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It's a good image, one of the actors in a troupe believing for absolutely no rational reason that he's directing the entire production.
In a humorous/serious way it highlights how many of us try to manipulate the people and situations around us, how those efforts turn out, and how we often shift responsibility for the results.
In a humorous/serious way it highlights how many of us try to manipulate the people and situations around us, how those efforts turn out, and how we often shift responsibility for the results.
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The answer to that paragraph...And the few that follow it is on Page 62...The way I see it...We have to turn our lives over to the care and protection of our Higher Power...Or God. Self propulsion doesn't work for us....It can be fatal.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kills us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God's help.
This is the how and why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are His children. Most good ideas are simple, and this concept was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through which we passed to freedom.
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Paris, France
Posts: 79
This might be a dumb question but does AA have a distribution system for the Big Book where you can find it for free in a lot of places (Mormon-style) or should I just go buy a copy on Amazon or in a store?
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Member
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Originally Posted by GonzoTaxi 
This might be a dumb question but does AA have a distribution system for the Big Book where you can find it for free in a lot of places (Mormon-style) or should I just go buy a copy on Amazon or in a store?
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