Seeking help for my husband's relapses
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: San Juan, PR
Posts: 1
Seeking help for my husband's relapses
Hello, all! I'm new to SoberRecovery. I stumbled upon it while searching online about how to help my husband through his relapses.
Both my husband and I are recovering alcoholics. I got sober when I got pregnant with my first child, and that was almost 6 years ago. I haven't touched a drop since. But my husband began relapsing soon after we had our first baby, and his binge drinking led to cocaine abuse. After about a year of relapsing, he got professional help, and managed to stay sober for almost 3 years.
I have to add: My husband is a musician, so he's constantly in bars. He plays almost every night, and is surrounded by alcohol all the time.
A few months ago, he began relapsing again. At first, it was only alcohol, and his excuses were that he thought he could be a "social drinker" and that he didn't have a problem. This went on for months, with relapses taking place every 2 or 3 months. About 2 days ago, he left home (had to work), and never came back. I found out the next day that he had been drinking and doing cocaine all night.
I'm very scared, because the first time he got clean and sober, I had to put most of the effort into him going to therapy, seeing doctors, etc. We now have 2 kids, and I can't keep taking care of him.
I don't know if there's hope for him. He admitted today that he has a problem and wants to find help, but he doesn't know where to start. I've already made appointments for him to see a doctor, and I told him about nearby AA and NA meetings. I'm just worried he won't get better.
We've been together for 8 years, and I'm scared that our life will be like this forever. I don't want my kids to grow up around an unfit parent. I grew up with an alcoholic mother, and it was horrible.
Should I leave him? Should I stay? What can I do?
Sorry my post is so long. I'm just desperate.
Both my husband and I are recovering alcoholics. I got sober when I got pregnant with my first child, and that was almost 6 years ago. I haven't touched a drop since. But my husband began relapsing soon after we had our first baby, and his binge drinking led to cocaine abuse. After about a year of relapsing, he got professional help, and managed to stay sober for almost 3 years.
I have to add: My husband is a musician, so he's constantly in bars. He plays almost every night, and is surrounded by alcohol all the time.
A few months ago, he began relapsing again. At first, it was only alcohol, and his excuses were that he thought he could be a "social drinker" and that he didn't have a problem. This went on for months, with relapses taking place every 2 or 3 months. About 2 days ago, he left home (had to work), and never came back. I found out the next day that he had been drinking and doing cocaine all night.
I'm very scared, because the first time he got clean and sober, I had to put most of the effort into him going to therapy, seeing doctors, etc. We now have 2 kids, and I can't keep taking care of him.
I don't know if there's hope for him. He admitted today that he has a problem and wants to find help, but he doesn't know where to start. I've already made appointments for him to see a doctor, and I told him about nearby AA and NA meetings. I'm just worried he won't get better.
We've been together for 8 years, and I'm scared that our life will be like this forever. I don't want my kids to grow up around an unfit parent. I grew up with an alcoholic mother, and it was horrible.
Should I leave him? Should I stay? What can I do?
Sorry my post is so long. I'm just desperate.
The New Me starting 1/11/09
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: California
Posts: 678
Hi FV - sorry about your husband. Addiction is one of the hardest things for everyone involved.
A great place to start would be the Friends and Family section of SR. (scroll down from the forums home page). They can give you the best insights. Take care.
A great place to start would be the Friends and Family section of SR. (scroll down from the forums home page). They can give you the best insights. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 557
I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this difficult time. I'm glad you posted here; it's always good to be reminded that my taking a drink does not effect me alone.
My husband and I are also in recovery together. We met in the rooms of AA and have been sober the same length of time. I've often wondered what I would do if he began drinking or using drugs again. He was one of those people who struggled for 20 years to get some sobriety. I must admit that even when we married, I was deathly afraid he would relapse. Would I leave him? Would he get back into the program and get sober? How would I handle that?
I still don't know the answer to that. But lately I've been struggling with my own sobriety, thinking about drinking, wondering what HE would do if I picked up again. Maybe he and I need to have a conversation about it. All I know is that I love my husband and our daughter dearly. I would give my life for them. But I still contemplated throwing it all away for a drink. That's the insanity of alcoholism.
I wish I had some great advice for you! Maybe if you post in the Friends and Family section you'll get more replies.
My husband and I are also in recovery together. We met in the rooms of AA and have been sober the same length of time. I've often wondered what I would do if he began drinking or using drugs again. He was one of those people who struggled for 20 years to get some sobriety. I must admit that even when we married, I was deathly afraid he would relapse. Would I leave him? Would he get back into the program and get sober? How would I handle that?
I still don't know the answer to that. But lately I've been struggling with my own sobriety, thinking about drinking, wondering what HE would do if I picked up again. Maybe he and I need to have a conversation about it. All I know is that I love my husband and our daughter dearly. I would give my life for them. But I still contemplated throwing it all away for a drink. That's the insanity of alcoholism.
I wish I had some great advice for you! Maybe if you post in the Friends and Family section you'll get more replies.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
Hi Funny Valentine - welcome 
I actually think it's important we take responsibility for our own recovery.
I'm not sure why it's your job to hunt out all these options?
If your husband wants to get better, I think it's best to let him look around and find the options that he feels suit him best.
I know you want to help - you've given him some pointers on where to start....but maybe sometimes I think the best help now is standing back?
As for you, there's a lot of support for loved ones here from people who've been there
Check out our Family and Friends forums (pick whichever you feel most comfortable in):
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
I actually think it's important we take responsibility for our own recovery.
I'm not sure why it's your job to hunt out all these options?
If your husband wants to get better, I think it's best to let him look around and find the options that he feels suit him best.
I know you want to help - you've given him some pointers on where to start....but maybe sometimes I think the best help now is standing back?
As for you, there's a lot of support for loved ones here from people who've been there
Check out our Family and Friends forums (pick whichever you feel most comfortable in):
Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D
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