Relapsed :(
 

I relapsed over the New Year, and I feel really ashamed over my progress. It went on for 6 days non stop wine drinking madness, but it had to stop as I couldn't stop vomiting and just felt terrible. I now have detoxed and on my 5th day, all over again! I don't even know why I did it, it just happened???? I'm confused. Thank god it's over because I felt awful when I did stop, I even still feel quite crap at the moment but I am getting better. I thought I was gonna have a seizure but I didn't as I had DT's when i did stop but it didn't happen thanks to my medication, its a benzo! I am really gonna try harder this time round! I have no choice and I don't want to die, it was that descion alone that got me to stop before it did the worse damage!

Hi Jason,

Congrats on Day 5.

You aren't the only that has relapsed, many others have, including me. Pick yourself up and keep going. Try to focus on what kept you going the first time you were sober.

Awww Jason, sorry about that. Glad you're on day five already and doing okay.

You're not alone, I am just coming back from having almost FIVE YEARS!!!! And I picked up, at least I can say no damage done, but it was going to get ugly and I'm not going down that road again.

Welcome back!! :)

I also relapsed over the holidays, after having over 100 days sober, its scary just how FAST you can fall back into old routines. I'm back to several days sober and am more terrified of the power of alcohol than I even was before.

Glad you made it , sounds rough. Great you are back

At some point in our drinking careers if, we make an honest assessment, drinking isn't any fun. We're on a merry go round never going anywhere and wondering why our lives have turned to crap.

Thanks for reminding me

Trying harder is great Jason - but what if simply doing whatever you did last time leads you back to the same spot?

are you going to add anything to your programme ?

D

I encourage you to figure out how the first drink ended up in your hand, lifted up to your mouth, crossed your lips and was then swallowed, all while you were lucid, sober and conscious.

That way you'll learn from this relapse and be better able to avoid making that mistake again.

If you honestly don't know how it happened, how on earth could you possibly prevent it from happening again?

I remember People Places and Things as triggers I needed to avoid so I wouldn't relapse. I am working double on this area now.

Hi Jason! Glad you lived to tell the tale, & that you're back with determination.

Congratulations on your 5 days. The holidays are difficult. Maybe you've learned something valuable, though. Good to know you want a fresh start. You can do it this time, and never have that miserable feeling again.

Hi Jason - We've all been there, so don't beat yourself up too much. The key is "what are you going to do differently this time?"

Jason I'm glad you're sober again.

how are you doing with support? I read back your posts and see you grew up in a lot of turmoil. It's very hard to adjust to 'normal', calm life when you've been conditioned to frequent trauma/drama/adrenalin.

Towards the the last few years of my madness I gave recovery 100% & still ended up a drunk. I guess the important thing is that I kept coming back & trying. I see that is what you are doing & that is great.

Thank you for all your replies. I have thought about why I relapsed and I know it was because I was feeling lonely, depressed and just forgot the consequences of my actions, but I am hell bent on remembering the after effects from this relapse! NOT NICE, things moving around in my eye, flashes of light, palpitations and panic attacks and constant vomiting! Its been 8 days now since, I am eating more now but now have what I think is stomach ulcer? Oh well, at least thats not life threatening! I am though the worst and went to an AA meeting yesterday and need to work on the steps. It's my birthday today so I am feeling generally happier I have more energy rather then walking around like a criple and at my age! COME ON. Thanks for all your support, and my conclusion is AA meetings and CBT as well as my anti-depressants and that starts today THANK GOD! I know I have been through alot and it probably did contribute to my depression, anxiety - replapse, but Onwards and Upwards as they say!

Go Jason. Happy sober birthday. Why not make your goal next birthday to look back on a whole year sober. You can do it.

Well done Mate. It takes a lot of guts and determination. Keep up with the AA meetings and focusing on the steps. Be mindful of your mates and other triggers. I tried to quit heaps of time when I was young and single and had similar experiences (and worse) to the one you described. I'd go a couple of weeks and then invariably slip because of some minor drama or cave in to please my mates (rubber arm excuse) and get dragged down to the pub.

Well thanks for understanding, I am now doing Cognitive Behavioural Therapy in conjuntion with my medication, hope it will help the situation as I know when I feel anxious or depressed my automatic thought is alcohol. In fact after my last relapse looking at a bottle of wine makes my stomach turn, no joke! I know I have been through alot, but then so many of you guys on here have so I can't just take the "oh poor me" attitude, I have learnt that just getting on with it and having to face the fact of things that have happened in the past, they stay in the past. Now I am here, alive and sober and thats what counts to me!