mmare2010

I'm just over 9 months sober. There have been a lot of improvements in my mental functioning. Overall though I'm not happy. I guess I thought I'd get a lot more work done, find a relationship, and possibly be happier. I think my overall happiness is lower then it was when I was drinking.

I'm not going to go back to drinking because that's a dead end as well and towards the end it wasn't working very well. I lost the ability to get drunk and enjoy it.

I have a lot going for me and I manage to maintain my responsibilities to the bear minimum so there's no urgent concern. I exercise each day, I eat right most days.

I guess I just wonder if this is normal. I'm depressed, relatively bitter, bored, don't enjoy life and don't connect with people. I feel worthless and no fun. I've gone to meetings, I force myself to go do things, but I generally don't feel good about the results. I haven't found any friends. Part of this is where I live, part of this is probably just who I am. Maybe my expectations going into this were askew.

suki44883

Sobriety isn't a magic bullet. It doesn't make the rest of your life a bed of roses. If you think you are depressed, then see your doctor; he/she can help. It is very common to feel this way after quitting drinking.

If you regularly attend AA meetings, why not go out for coffee or dinner afterward with one or two people from there? Do you have a sponsor? Are you working the steps? The program of AA is not meetings, it is working the steps. The most important thing is to keep on keeping on. Life isn't static, it changes all the time. If you keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing the next right thing, your life will improve. Hang in there. We're here to support you.

Fernaceman

If you focus on everything with a negative attitude, and not saying you are, but of course everything is going to suck. I know if I start putting expectations on things, I am usually let down and disappointed because it will never play up to my perfectionist mentality. Keep at it, like you said, the alternative is probably a lot bleaker future in the long run. You probably are making progress, but just can't see it. Go easy on yourself, as is well if you are sober. THAT's something to be proud of.

CAPTAINZING2000

coming to in jail cells sucks even worse. That's where my drinking had taken me. Every day, I get to walk the streets a free man 6 foot above ground is a great day. It's a change of attitude without being held captive any longer from alcohol.

Xune

Not for me.

Sobriety is glorious and true freedom.

Being a slave to the bottle, now that sucks.

A shame you feel the way you do. Maybe talk to a Doctor about how you find no joy in life?

jsch

Thanks for your honesty. I feel similar many times in sobriety as you described. It is normal. As an ex drinker we are used to feeling only two states- excitement and depression. I am working on finding a middle ground. Some keys to this are lowering expectations, accepting things as they are not as I think they should be, meditation, mindfulness-being present, gratitude and humility. It seems to help over time but it is a slow process for me. I have to constantly remind myself of these things and have compassion for myself when I don't. When you do things one way for so long it takes a long time to learn new ways.
I am two years now and I still feel down for stretches but I know that it's normal and it will pass.

2granddaughters

Your post is exactly why I attend AA meetings regularly.

I seldom think about drinking but I often think/believe that the world sucks. Regular meeting attendance adjusts my attitudes.

All the best.

Bob R

Mark75

Yea, and I had the T-shirt too....

Well, I had some work to do so I could get out of that mind set... And something you said, I identified with:

And yea, I had that mindset at 9 months...

My solution was to work that resentment... Yep, resentment, big time.

You may be going to meetings, are you working the steps? Have you thoroughly inventoried this resentment? I found relief, maybe you can too!!

Leadfoot

It's perfectly normal. When I got sober I had visions of the sun always shining on me and cartoon bluebirds landing on my shoulder. It never happened. Naturally I was a little disillusioned when I found that life happens whether you're drinking or not. Actually I was downright depressed and outright suicidal. That was after I quit drinking. I wanted what I wanted and I wanted it right now. Well, somethings came to me and some things I had to go get. Please be patient. 2granddaughters couldn't have said it better. I learned how to live sober in AA. Before that I couldn't function without alcohol. Take away the alcohol and I can't function. A.A is where I learned how.

Caldus

mmare2010, I feel a lot like you right now (although I'm only about 5 months sober myself). I've embraced that I have a huge drinking problem and really cannot face the bottle again. On the other hand, I'm just not really into AA and not really wanting what it offers either. I didn't expect everything to be great when I got sober.

I do miss the feeling knowing I will be drunk in a few hours but I'm also greatly aware of the alcohol problem I have and how serious it is. I think as addicts we are always expecting or seeking that next 'high' in life whatever it may be. We just have to be patient and realize that we are doing probably the hardest possible thing in life and that is to change our daily habits and belief systems so that we remain sober and clean. This stuff really does take time and we have to let it run its course for however long it may take. Hopefully you will start to find something else in life that gives you some sort of 'high'. I wish you the best in your journey in sobriety!

tomsteve

acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. when i am disturbed, it is because i find some person, place, thing or situation- some fact of my life- unacceptable to me, and i can find no serenity until i accept that person,place,thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at that moment. until i accept life completely on lifes terms, i cannot be happy.i need to cncentrate no so much on what needs to be changed in the world as what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.
shakespere said,"all the worlds a stage, all the men and women merely players. he forgot to mention i was the chief critic. when i complain about people( myself included),places, and things, im complaining about Gods work. im saying i know better than God.

DarkDays

Think I felt like this at about 9 months. Stick with it , I am starting to feel real content and good at 12 months.

TheEnd

Consider talking to a therapist, it will give you an outlet and mental clarity. I know it did for me.

mfanch

I am so grateful that I am happy, joyous, and free in my sobriety. My life is amazing today. I quit drinking for long periods, but life was dull, boring, and pointless. After 5 years or so each time I quit, I always went back to the bottle.

Then I found the 12 Steps of AA. Talk about FREE. I am a free woman! And life is GOOOOOD.

hypochondriac

I think I am at the same stage as you Mmare, but I tend to think that if I am not happy sober then I am doing it wrong and then I try and see what I can do to fix it. Or fix me really. I think drinking covered up a lot of bad head stuff and I struggle to find motivation to do anything. I definitely functioned better when I was drinking but I wasn't really functioning then... I figure it will improve the more I work at it. Part of my problem is that I just want everything to be fixed immediately, I think I probably wrote a post similar to yours at a few weeks sober Keep at it and see what you can add to make you happier x

AliceTW

Thank you for this thread, and those who have replied. I spent 5 months sober and couldn't handle the anger and boredom and the fact that life didn't suddenly turn into a movie for me. I remember saying to my mum before I quit that time "Imagine everything in life that you hate about yourself and all you have to do to fix it is one thing". Wow, talk about high expectations!!!

So yes, I relapsed quietly, but quickly, and got to new lows almost immediately from when I started again (as seems to happen). I'm sober again now (2 weeks today). I regret the relapse, but more-so I regret the things I did during the relapse.

Thanks again for the posts, personally I'm going into sobriety with more realistic expectations of life after the bottle, but am excited to see what 1 + years of sobriety brings.

Good luck. Don't relapse like I did, it wasn't worth it. All the anger and boredom was still there, but I just hid it with the alcohol, it didn't go away.

LadyinBC

People also go thru a grieving process when quitting. It is like losing a good friend as bad as that sounds. Alcohol had beern such a big part of my life that I couldn't imagine not having it anymore.

Some days are better than others. There are days when I want to drink and wish I could have just one and think oh why me! Why did this happen to me!

yeahgr8

I always got to that point in my sobriety, where people would tell me i am doing fine and things will get better (as if by magic?!). If you're depressed as hell and are thinking what's the point in any of this crap then it doesn't really help to be told it'll get better because then there will come a point where that promise doesn't come true and that's when i always went back to what seemed a better time.

It took me going to AA and following their suggestions, i.e. actually doing work to change myself and going to an addiction counselor. At the very least you might consider counselling before the inevitable happens.

instant

Boredom, bitterness and improving your ability to realate socially are all things you can address with positive action.

Tippingpoint

Correction... YOUR sobriety sucks.

I quite enjoy mine, thank you.