No Offense but Sobriety Sucks
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Aussie
Posts: 79
Man I feel exactly the same, check out some of my older posts lol
. I'm more isolated now than when I was drinking, I'm almost 6 months sober and my life has changed for the better. I think I just miss the days prob 10 years ago (I'm 31 now). I'm in the gym everyday, I'm a personal trainer, I surf, I do martial arts, cycling etc... But all I really feel like doing is going to night clubs and getting wasted (which I know I can't do anymore
).
Anyway goodluck, PM me if you want to chat more, I think we have alot in common!!!
Shaun.
. I'm more isolated now than when I was drinking, I'm almost 6 months sober and my life has changed for the better. I think I just miss the days prob 10 years ago (I'm 31 now). I'm in the gym everyday, I'm a personal trainer, I surf, I do martial arts, cycling etc... But all I really feel like doing is going to night clubs and getting wasted (which I know I can't do anymore
).Anyway goodluck, PM me if you want to chat more, I think we have alot in common!!!
Shaun.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 442
Hi mare, I'm going through the same. Now about 3 months sober and having new feelings to deal with.
For instance, when I drank I never felt lonely, if needing people I would go to the bar, get drunk and find someone to talk with. On the other hand, I didn't want someone bothering me all the time or getting too close, I presume also an effect of my drinking.
Now, after being sober, I find I want some company but have no friends. I have mostly shunned work mates in the past and my relationships with opposite sex tended to be mostly ruined. so now im all bored and lonely. Not a feeling i am well equipped to deal with.
However, i dont want to go back to the booze, its the booze tgat got me here.
Someone here said the otherday that as drunks we had becone accustomed to jumping from one wave crest to the next, and that as drunks we never needed to experience lifes troughs. To me, that seems a very useful analogy, in so much that as sober people we now experience the downsides that motivate other normal people to go and build their lives.
Effectively our pain killer or choice (booze) has allowed us to see the world in a perverted context, now we are just experiencing the norm and along with the consequences of us ignoring normal life for such a long time.
Btw, many here talk about AA, just so you know, many of us are also not AA, in my case i dont believe in god. So don't feel like you have no options if you are not inclined to AA also.
For instance, when I drank I never felt lonely, if needing people I would go to the bar, get drunk and find someone to talk with. On the other hand, I didn't want someone bothering me all the time or getting too close, I presume also an effect of my drinking.
Now, after being sober, I find I want some company but have no friends. I have mostly shunned work mates in the past and my relationships with opposite sex tended to be mostly ruined. so now im all bored and lonely. Not a feeling i am well equipped to deal with.
However, i dont want to go back to the booze, its the booze tgat got me here.
Someone here said the otherday that as drunks we had becone accustomed to jumping from one wave crest to the next, and that as drunks we never needed to experience lifes troughs. To me, that seems a very useful analogy, in so much that as sober people we now experience the downsides that motivate other normal people to go and build their lives.
Effectively our pain killer or choice (booze) has allowed us to see the world in a perverted context, now we are just experiencing the norm and along with the consequences of us ignoring normal life for such a long time.
Btw, many here talk about AA, just so you know, many of us are also not AA, in my case i dont believe in god. So don't feel like you have no options if you are not inclined to AA also.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Wales, UK
Posts: 70
You're not alone. When I became sober, I expected life to be wonderful. I thought it would solve everything but I was wrong. I had been drinking for a reason, trying to block things out of my life but day by day I worked on myself - sought counselling and started to open up more than ever before. It's still a trial but I'm slowly getting better each day. Depression can be dealt with.
Life Health Prosperity
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: Louisana
Posts: 6,752
Mmare, my expectations were askew when I decided to get sober, but 2 years 7 months later, my sobriety is far more important than being happy. 9 months sober? You are FANTASTIC. Congratulations. 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
If you could invent a pill that would give everyone peace of mind and happiness you'd be the richest person on the planet. Those things are an innate part of all of us, they just get lost somehow, somewhere along the way. Try this experiment, think of a time when you were happy and full of joy, could be anything, maybe when you were a little kid opening Christmas presents, birth of a child, wedding day or whatever. Now try to recapture those feelings, feel them in the pit of your stomach and with every fiber of your being, imagine that a pure white light flowed thru your body and filled you with that same happiness and joy. Did you feel anything?
If you can recapture those feelings then why is it you would think you can't learn to again find happiness in most things? No one lives in a constant state of bliss, but the more you try to bring about those feelings and transfer them to the stuff of daily life the more they'll take root. There are tons of imagery techniques you can use to generate those feelings. Think of it as excersing the happiness muscles and make it part of your daily workout.
If you can recapture those feelings then why is it you would think you can't learn to again find happiness in most things? No one lives in a constant state of bliss, but the more you try to bring about those feelings and transfer them to the stuff of daily life the more they'll take root. There are tons of imagery techniques you can use to generate those feelings. Think of it as excersing the happiness muscles and make it part of your daily workout.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 92
I'm kind of feeling the same in the sense it hasn't lived up to the expectations I had. I'm nearly 6 months sober and since leaving rehab 3 weeks ago I feel so apathetic. What am I meant to do on a Friday or Saturday night? I used to go to a club and hang out with not particularly close friends and we'd all drink and take drugs. Now I'm sober that doesn't really appeal and to be honest they bore me. I also get the feeling a lot of them don't like the fact I've sorted my **** out because it makes them look at their substance use. I want to be around my good friends but they are all the types to go to bed early so we normally meet in the day or early evening. This leaves me bored and feeling boring in the evening. I'd love to be able to go and dance at a club but I just don't have the confidence without being so drunk that any movements I make are unlikely to be classified as dancing.
If I was going to advice you (and myself at the same time) I would say fill your time as much as possible. I know for me I was much happier and less bored when I was struggling to fit everything in my timetable (volunteering, seeing friends, appointments, the gym). I think it is a period of adjustment and patience is the only option.
If I was going to advice you (and myself at the same time) I would say fill your time as much as possible. I know for me I was much happier and less bored when I was struggling to fit everything in my timetable (volunteering, seeing friends, appointments, the gym). I think it is a period of adjustment and patience is the only option.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
Ending up in the ER, babbling like an idiot, questioning my own sanity...now THAT sucked! And that's exactly where my drinking took me.
I was lucky, I realized early on that my sober life is what I make it. I wouldn't go back to drinking for anything.
I was lucky, I realized early on that my sober life is what I make it. I wouldn't go back to drinking for anything.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 79
I just finished a blog post with the phrase "sobriety doesn't suck," then I come here and see a thread with the opposite title, so I had to post...
As always, I can only speak for myself, but to me there's no question: Sobriety doesn't suck.
Here's what sucks: Social anxiety sucks. Boredom sucks. Depression sucks. Hopelessness sucks... I could go on.
Personally, these things about life that suck, they are a big part of why I used turn to the bottle. Because alcohol, no question, it dulls the senses, and it also makes boring things exciting. But the only reason it does that is because it kills your sense of reality.
Being sober doesn't make the sucky things in life go away, and in fact it makes you more aware of them then you'd otherwise be if you were still drunk.
Once you have the clarity to see how sucky life can be, which is something that inevitably comes with being sober, you realize that its hard work to achieve contentment with life. Sobriety is just a very small part of having a satisfying life, there's a heck of lot more to overcome, especially since so many of us alcoholics have underlying psychological disorders that make it hard for us to function socially without alcohol.
It's a challenge, but it's not impossible, to make life not suck so much. There's always gonna be things about life that suck, but the harder you work on improving your life, the less it sucks. I guess that's point, just to minimize the suckiness. Sobriety helps, but it's not all there is to it, at least for me.
As always, I can only speak for myself, but to me there's no question: Sobriety doesn't suck.
Here's what sucks: Social anxiety sucks. Boredom sucks. Depression sucks. Hopelessness sucks... I could go on.
Personally, these things about life that suck, they are a big part of why I used turn to the bottle. Because alcohol, no question, it dulls the senses, and it also makes boring things exciting. But the only reason it does that is because it kills your sense of reality.
Being sober doesn't make the sucky things in life go away, and in fact it makes you more aware of them then you'd otherwise be if you were still drunk.
Once you have the clarity to see how sucky life can be, which is something that inevitably comes with being sober, you realize that its hard work to achieve contentment with life. Sobriety is just a very small part of having a satisfying life, there's a heck of lot more to overcome, especially since so many of us alcoholics have underlying psychological disorders that make it hard for us to function socially without alcohol.
It's a challenge, but it's not impossible, to make life not suck so much. There's always gonna be things about life that suck, but the harder you work on improving your life, the less it sucks. I guess that's point, just to minimize the suckiness. Sobriety helps, but it's not all there is to it, at least for me.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 26
Agree much with previous post.
There seem to be a mix up between sobriety and life.
Many of us started drinking partly because life was boring. Of course nothing will have changed when we sober up. All the years went by, maybe we dont have a drivers license, maybe we dont have a family anymore, we may have lower self esteem and so on. But mostly the good stuff may have gone.
That said, to me you sound a bit depressed, if so maybe go and see a doctor. I'm sure he can help.
But its up to ourselves to put something meaningful into this fantastic thing called LIFE.
There seem to be a mix up between sobriety and life.
Many of us started drinking partly because life was boring. Of course nothing will have changed when we sober up. All the years went by, maybe we dont have a drivers license, maybe we dont have a family anymore, we may have lower self esteem and so on. But mostly the good stuff may have gone.
That said, to me you sound a bit depressed, if so maybe go and see a doctor. I'm sure he can help.
But its up to ourselves to put something meaningful into this fantastic thing called LIFE.
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
When we are actively drinking or using drugs, we become accustomed to the "high life" in the "fast lane." We become used to everything and anything being exciting, chaotic or not. So when we drop back down to normalcy, so to speak, everything seems dull and boring. But it's just our perception of it. We aren't low, nor are we high. We are just being.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by pkrma 
I just finished a blog post with the phrase "sobriety doesn't suck," then I come here and see a thread with the opposite title, so I had to post...
As always, I can only speak for myself, but to me there's no question: Sobriety doesn't suck.
Here's what sucks: Social anxiety sucks. Boredom sucks. Depression sucks. Hopelessness sucks... I could go on.
Personally, these things about life that suck, they are a big part of why I used turn to the bottle. Because alcohol, no question, it dulls the senses, and it also makes boring things exciting. But the only reason it does that is because it kills your sense of reality.
Being sober doesn't make the sucky things in life go away, and in fact it makes you more aware of them then you'd otherwise be if you were still drunk.
Once you have the clarity to see how sucky life can be, which is something that inevitably comes with being sober, you realize that its hard work to achieve contentment with life. Sobriety is just a very small part of having a satisfying life, there's a heck of lot more to overcome, especially since so many of us alcoholics have underlying psychological disorders that make it hard for us to function socially without alcohol.
It's a challenge, but it's not impossible, to make life not suck so much. There's always gonna be things about life that suck, but the harder you work on improving your life, the less it sucks. I guess that's point, just to minimize the suckiness. Sobriety helps, but it's not all there is to it, at least for me.
As always, I can only speak for myself, but to me there's no question: Sobriety doesn't suck.
Here's what sucks: Social anxiety sucks. Boredom sucks. Depression sucks. Hopelessness sucks... I could go on.
Personally, these things about life that suck, they are a big part of why I used turn to the bottle. Because alcohol, no question, it dulls the senses, and it also makes boring things exciting. But the only reason it does that is because it kills your sense of reality.
Being sober doesn't make the sucky things in life go away, and in fact it makes you more aware of them then you'd otherwise be if you were still drunk.
Once you have the clarity to see how sucky life can be, which is something that inevitably comes with being sober, you realize that its hard work to achieve contentment with life. Sobriety is just a very small part of having a satisfying life, there's a heck of lot more to overcome, especially since so many of us alcoholics have underlying psychological disorders that make it hard for us to function socially without alcohol.
It's a challenge, but it's not impossible, to make life not suck so much. There's always gonna be things about life that suck, but the harder you work on improving your life, the less it sucks. I guess that's point, just to minimize the suckiness. Sobriety helps, but it's not all there is to it, at least for me.
Great post PKRMA......so much so I think a thank you was not enough, and for those thinking SOBRIETY SUCKS, I suggest you keep re-reading this post! IMOO it is 100% right on the mark!
Thanks PKRMA!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Central Valley
Posts: 131
I am sorry you seem to feel worse and not better. Sober or not. I am clean a few days over a month and feel so much better. On the surface, things have not changed much. Husband who also stopped drinking 'with' me, for me and is 100% supportive. Dumb job with hopes that things will change (recruited and sold a 'bill of goods' that's not panning out) I'm giving it another 6 months while keeping my eyes peeled for something else.
I already have many hobbies and interests which are getting much more of my focus due to not drinking. There seems not to be enough hours in the day to devote to all of them and that pesky 40 hour work week is getting in the way.
My house is cleaner, I look and feel better and I feel better about things to come.
I can't speak for you or anyone else. I just hope things get better for you. Yes, I miss the "Oh boy, it's 6:00 and time for wine!" or 12:00 on the weekends. But those urges are fading each day to the point I don't even think about it.
Give yourself a 'project' something that seems dumb but will get you out of the house. Take a shower, get cleaned up and go find a shop or store that carries better teas or other beverage that you can have instead of a 'nightcap' than regular grocery stores do.
Good Luck to you!
I already have many hobbies and interests which are getting much more of my focus due to not drinking. There seems not to be enough hours in the day to devote to all of them and that pesky 40 hour work week is getting in the way.
My house is cleaner, I look and feel better and I feel better about things to come.
I can't speak for you or anyone else. I just hope things get better for you. Yes, I miss the "Oh boy, it's 6:00 and time for wine!" or 12:00 on the weekends. But those urges are fading each day to the point I don't even think about it.
Give yourself a 'project' something that seems dumb but will get you out of the house. Take a shower, get cleaned up and go find a shop or store that carries better teas or other beverage that you can have instead of a 'nightcap' than regular grocery stores do.
Good Luck to you!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: London
Posts: 299
mmare10, have you thought about having a chat with a therapist or a counsellor? I'm just asking as some of what you write reminds me of how I've felt. I struggle a lot with depression, social anxiety and childhood issues. At times I feel like there is an invisible force field between me and others.
When drinking I felt dead inside despite looking fully functional. I had one good friend who told me to stop, no-one else really got it.
I've hobbies, a good job but the above is what gives me issues. I'm working on it, and it's better than drinking (by far) but I figure that after decades of drinking (which only fuelled it all) that it will take some time.
I do go to AA but I need other stuff too, that includes therapy. I may consider medication if what I'm doing now doesn't help.
Above may not be relevant but thought I'd mention in case it is as you mention some stuff similar to how I feel at times.
Figure out a plan. Pkrma is right, it may be a challenge but it can be done. One step at a time.
When drinking I felt dead inside despite looking fully functional. I had one good friend who told me to stop, no-one else really got it.
I've hobbies, a good job but the above is what gives me issues. I'm working on it, and it's better than drinking (by far) but I figure that after decades of drinking (which only fuelled it all) that it will take some time.
I do go to AA but I need other stuff too, that includes therapy. I may consider medication if what I'm doing now doesn't help.
Above may not be relevant but thought I'd mention in case it is as you mention some stuff similar to how I feel at times.
Figure out a plan. Pkrma is right, it may be a challenge but it can be done. One step at a time.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
Yeah, my first year in pretty much sucked. Especially when I saw how well I thought others were doing. My sponsor consistantly had to remind me to count my blessing. It started with not being arrested since I stopped drinking, no more trips to the nut house. No more waking up in strange places, and on from there. It will get better.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Ontario
Posts: 806
Originally Posted by mmare2010
I'm just over 9 months sober. There have been a lot of improvements in my mental functioning. Overall though I'm not happy. I guess I thought I'd get a lot more work done, find a relationship, and possibly be happier. I think my overall happiness is lower then it was when I was drinking.
I'm not going to go back to drinking because that's a dead end as well and towards the end it wasn't working very well. I lost the ability to get drunk and enjoy it.
I have a lot going for me and I manage to maintain my responsibilities to the bear minimum so there's no urgent concern. I exercise each day, I eat right most days.
I guess I just wonder if this is normal. I'm depressed, relatively bitter, bored, don't enjoy life and don't connect with people. I feel worthless and no fun. I've gone to meetings, I force myself to go do things, but I generally don't feel good about the results. I haven't found any friends. Part of this is where I live, part of this is probably just who I am. Maybe my expectations going into this were askew.
I'm not going to go back to drinking because that's a dead end as well and towards the end it wasn't working very well. I lost the ability to get drunk and enjoy it.
I have a lot going for me and I manage to maintain my responsibilities to the bear minimum so there's no urgent concern. I exercise each day, I eat right most days.
I guess I just wonder if this is normal. I'm depressed, relatively bitter, bored, don't enjoy life and don't connect with people. I feel worthless and no fun. I've gone to meetings, I force myself to go do things, but I generally don't feel good about the results. I haven't found any friends. Part of this is where I live, part of this is probably just who I am. Maybe my expectations going into this were askew.
Taking pride in our daily tasks will help to better our self-esteem.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 29
Hi mmare2010, I can understand what you are relating to. One thing I'm relying on is not to expect anything and I won't be disappointed. I've read a lot on "post acute withdrawal syndrome" and it was interesting. I wish you the best, this to shall pass.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Calif
Posts: 757
i thought i posted here on this topic but i will do again.
i think sobriety does suck at times, but for me i think that is still not finding good coping abilities to fill the void where i once drank. at times i know i miss drinking but at the same time i know i cannot return to that life.
i think sobriety does suck at times, but for me i think that is still not finding good coping abilities to fill the void where i once drank. at times i know i miss drinking but at the same time i know i cannot return to that life.
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