letuslove

My mom is an alcoholic and has been diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver. I thought she has been sober for a year now, but we had a very honest conversation the other day and turns out she still drinks everyday. She told me she doesn't drink to get drunk anymore, but to function. She has a couple of drinks a day just enough so she still has alcohol in her system. She said that if she does not do this, her body becomes shaky, and she said it is almost like she is dying. I asked her if it is just her going through withdrawals (which she has gone through severe withdrawals before) but she says its different. She and her friends have all done research and they seem to believe this is true. They all believe she is so physically dependent on alcohol that she can't live without it in her body. I have never heard of this before, and although it seems convincing, I am still unsure. What do you think about this?

coraltint

I'm sorry to hear about your mom's condition. She needs to go to a doctor, maybe the emergency room. I'm guessing the research that she & her friends did involved Google, and you can find whatever answer you want on the internet.

Alcoholism is progressive, it makes sense that the withdrawals are worse this time. I hope she will go get help....are you going to Alanon for yourself?

Dee74

I've no doubt she believes it but it's not true.

I was like your mom - same symptoms, same behavior...I was the real definition of the functioning alcoholic....

but I stopped drinking for a variety of reasons in 2007.

It was really rough but I got through it (I recommend a Dr's input to anyone reading)

I haven't had a drink in almost 6 years.
Not bad for someone who drank all day everyday.

So yeah...it's entirely possible to quit even at your moms stage - but like all of us it's down to whether she wants to, letuslove.

D

awuh1

Ask to see the "research". In all likelihood you will not see it. If produced there will be little chance it is credible. The best place for your mother to get honest is with her doctor, though I doubt she has been.

Forward12

There are many people that the alcohol has them in such a death grip, they will keep drinking no matter what and can not funtion without it.

Most of the time it's just people giving up and letting the alcohol kill them, rather than to fight back and have the strength to find sobriety.

freshstart57

I think there is a degree of truth in what your Mom believes. The short term withdrawals from alcohol can be accompanied by some pretty brutal symptoms, and they can indeed be life threatening. Where she and her friends are wrong is in believing that there is no life for her without drinking, because there most certainly is. The proof is here in the thousands of accounts of success and triumph over alcohol.

Get her to a Dr., someone who will listen to her and tell her what is best for her. I wish you well.

MIRecovery

I had become physically dependent on alcohol and had to drink to prevent severe withdrawl symptoms.

At my bottom I accidentally did not drink enough and withdrew which was a very dangerous situation.

In your mothers case she needs to quit drinking completely but under a doctors supervision, develop a sobriety plan, start the process of recovery and remain sober.

Ohio1

It might feel "permanent" but it just takes time and frankly it is difficult to get that kind of time sober to realize that the dependence is not permanent. On top of that if someone does not want to get sober they simply will not and then they will rationalize with things like "I'm permanently dependent on alcohol". I would suggest al-anon/alateen depending on how old you are.

This is a pretty complex dynamic between an alcoholic and the family which is what the al-anon programs address. No one here can know the depths of the situation you and your mom are dealing with but I can tell you with certainty that any human that is alive can detox with medical help and does not physically need alcohol to survive. Staying sober, or feeling good for that matter is a different story and it may take months for a person who was drinking a lot to feel good again.

paul99

Certainly there is a chemical addiction with alcohol, and it is very dangerous to detox when we remove the alcohol from someone who drinks very heavily and very long. But the notion that she has not choice and has to drink may seem very real to her. But as freshstart states, there is life without drinking, even though we don't see it when we are in it.

awuh1

I found this today and thought of your thead.

"This characteristic of not wanting to recover is all too familiar to anyone who has tried to help alcoholic sufferers. Yet any profound inner force carries its opposite side, a reversus, which if moved carries the person concerned in a direction completely opposite to the course previously followed. The desire not to get well carries its opposite desire which is just as deep to get well. Once this opposite is moved to function an inner conflict begins which formerly did not exist since the desire for fatality was not challenged, and once this conflict has started the will to live emerges triumphant for it is the nature of things that most living organisms instinctively desire to live"
Frederick Walker

letuslove

I can't thank you guys enough for your replies and help through this conflict. I am so grateful for this forum!! I figured that was true, I am afraid that she has convinced herself that this is true. How do I go about asking her to detox in the hospital??


awuh1 - that really hit home for me. Such a wonderful find. I will be using that in the future!!!

Bennko64

I used to think exactly the same thing when I has drinking, there is some truth in it, it's dangerous to just stop drinking cold turkey if someone has become heavily dependant on alcohol. But the problem is that this thought to an alcoholic can become the reason we carry on drinking. The truth is becoming dependant on alcohol is a reason to stop, not a reason to carry on. I never used to think like that when I was dependant because of fear, the fear of stopping was intense, When I was shaking I would think I need to get a drink or I might die. Alcoholism does it, makes us think like that, it's a backwards lie, just like many other things alcoholism can make us believe. The truth is we need to get off it safely.... It has to be done through a doctor with medication. Once we get on the medication and off the drink, were safe. It's the drinking that's dangerous not the stopping.

Bennko64

First thing is to get her to see a doctor, it doesn't matter if she's had a drink go anyway, or ask her to call a doctor on the phone. It's scary the thought of stopping, she won't want to... but instinct will say there's something wrong. Ask her not what her head is saying... ask her what her heart say's. Deep down she will know she needs to stop... maybe she'll go if you say you will go to the doctors her.

Dee74

Unless you want to go through the courts, any detox would have to be your mothers choice, I think.

You could always tell her how concerned you are and just ask her, letuslove?
There's no guarantee at all she'll agree, but you could try.

D

LadyinBC

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. As a parent to a 26 year old I didn't really think about what my drinking was doing to her. I guess I figured being she didn't live at home it didn't affect her. I was so wrong it did. I hope you can get some help for your mom.