time for a big change
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: California
Posts: 24
time for a big change
Greetings, all! I've been reading so many threads here over the last week and it's been extremely helpful, informative, and encouraging.
I'm on my 6th day today - this is the FIRST time I've tried to get sober in close to 25 years of daily drinking. I'd say the last 15 years have been the most drinking, though, vodka drinks for the most part, and for the last several years I even made 3pm the time I could start drinking each day, in a stupid fake excuse to make me think I had some sort of control over it. See, I can wait until 3pm before drinking, so there's no real problem - lol. The previous year around the holidays, I considered trying to stop as a New Year's resolution, but I put that off because I had just bought a whole bunch of bottles of vodka at Rite-Aid as they were on sale ($5 off) and I would always stock up during a sale. So I couldn't waste those!!! Anyway, a whole 'nother year passes of boozing, and here we are. I was really just sick of drinking this time, as I know NY resolutions hardly ever work. But I was just sick of my life this go round. Most days, I'd sit at the computer drinking until it was time to take the dog out at 10pm and then just stumble into bed afterwards. The booze wasn't even making me feel good anymore after the initial buzz, which would last about a minute. I found my mood swings going way out-of-whack, too, and became more aggravated with small things. Plus I felt like crap. I'm 51, but in good shape otherwise - 5'5" - 120 lbs., so I've been able to ward off many of the outward physical looks of the alcohol, although I always knew my insides were being destroyed. My face, though, looks horrible - the baggy dark eyes have been with me for at least 5 years now - some days it's OK, but most not - and it makes me look really horrible. I have been prone to wearing sunglasses almost everywhere, even inside when visiting friends, outside when it's dark and rainy, etc. What kind of living is that?!?! I've been so ashamed of my disgusting looking face that I'm basically hiding it as much as possible, even hating looking in the mirror. I used to be a relatively good looking guy, but that's all changed, and my physical self-esteem has taken a big hit. So I would just drown that out more with more alcohol. Anyway, I am just so sick of this way of life. I did drink Dec. 31, but I decided on Jan. 1 that that was my final night of this poison. I'm no spring chicken anymore, but I want to enjoy my later years in a much better way than this last decade or two (which was mostly a blur when I try to remember it). I know cold turkey is not recommended, but I went for it, watching for signs of serious aftereffects in which case I'd try the taper off method.
Thankfully, I haven't had too many withdrawal symptoms yet. The one I've noticed is that I have become very itchy on parts of my body, usually in the early evenings, but Benadryl helped that. The cravings aren't that bad for me, but the habit breaking of my routine is the hard part. 3pm comes around and now I don't have that crutch to get me through the night. This forum has helped me spend a couple of hours daily during that period so thanks again! One big positive is my sleep is so much more restful. I dream vividly and wake up feeling rested, something I haven't felt in many, many years. I used to wake up and feel worn down and miserable, pulling myself out of bed to face another horrible day of boozing. My face actually started looking worse (eyes even puffier) the second-third day, but I'm thinking that's a detox reaction as the toxins purge out through my face. It looks a little better today. It's not all about vanity, but it would be nice if someday I can walk into a room without sunglasses and not be so embarrassed about my looks. I'm only 6 days in, but I do feel confident even though I do hear that voice from the vodka from time-to-time saying "come back to me." I try to just change my thoughts quickly and it's worked so far. Drinking tons of water and that sort of thing. I really want this. The hardest part is losing the routine, and that IS hard, but I am feeling somewhat better mentally already, although I know there is a long road ahead.
Good luck to everyone out there. Reading all your earlier threads has been really helpful and encouraging. I'll update in a week or so, or earlier if I get into a bad spot and need help from all of you. Thanks for listening...
I'm on my 6th day today - this is the FIRST time I've tried to get sober in close to 25 years of daily drinking. I'd say the last 15 years have been the most drinking, though, vodka drinks for the most part, and for the last several years I even made 3pm the time I could start drinking each day, in a stupid fake excuse to make me think I had some sort of control over it. See, I can wait until 3pm before drinking, so there's no real problem - lol. The previous year around the holidays, I considered trying to stop as a New Year's resolution, but I put that off because I had just bought a whole bunch of bottles of vodka at Rite-Aid as they were on sale ($5 off) and I would always stock up during a sale. So I couldn't waste those!!! Anyway, a whole 'nother year passes of boozing, and here we are. I was really just sick of drinking this time, as I know NY resolutions hardly ever work. But I was just sick of my life this go round. Most days, I'd sit at the computer drinking until it was time to take the dog out at 10pm and then just stumble into bed afterwards. The booze wasn't even making me feel good anymore after the initial buzz, which would last about a minute. I found my mood swings going way out-of-whack, too, and became more aggravated with small things. Plus I felt like crap. I'm 51, but in good shape otherwise - 5'5" - 120 lbs., so I've been able to ward off many of the outward physical looks of the alcohol, although I always knew my insides were being destroyed. My face, though, looks horrible - the baggy dark eyes have been with me for at least 5 years now - some days it's OK, but most not - and it makes me look really horrible. I have been prone to wearing sunglasses almost everywhere, even inside when visiting friends, outside when it's dark and rainy, etc. What kind of living is that?!?! I've been so ashamed of my disgusting looking face that I'm basically hiding it as much as possible, even hating looking in the mirror. I used to be a relatively good looking guy, but that's all changed, and my physical self-esteem has taken a big hit. So I would just drown that out more with more alcohol. Anyway, I am just so sick of this way of life. I did drink Dec. 31, but I decided on Jan. 1 that that was my final night of this poison. I'm no spring chicken anymore, but I want to enjoy my later years in a much better way than this last decade or two (which was mostly a blur when I try to remember it). I know cold turkey is not recommended, but I went for it, watching for signs of serious aftereffects in which case I'd try the taper off method.
Thankfully, I haven't had too many withdrawal symptoms yet. The one I've noticed is that I have become very itchy on parts of my body, usually in the early evenings, but Benadryl helped that. The cravings aren't that bad for me, but the habit breaking of my routine is the hard part. 3pm comes around and now I don't have that crutch to get me through the night. This forum has helped me spend a couple of hours daily during that period so thanks again! One big positive is my sleep is so much more restful. I dream vividly and wake up feeling rested, something I haven't felt in many, many years. I used to wake up and feel worn down and miserable, pulling myself out of bed to face another horrible day of boozing. My face actually started looking worse (eyes even puffier) the second-third day, but I'm thinking that's a detox reaction as the toxins purge out through my face. It looks a little better today. It's not all about vanity, but it would be nice if someday I can walk into a room without sunglasses and not be so embarrassed about my looks. I'm only 6 days in, but I do feel confident even though I do hear that voice from the vodka from time-to-time saying "come back to me." I try to just change my thoughts quickly and it's worked so far. Drinking tons of water and that sort of thing. I really want this. The hardest part is losing the routine, and that IS hard, but I am feeling somewhat better mentally already, although I know there is a long road ahead.
Good luck to everyone out there. Reading all your earlier threads has been really helpful and encouraging. I'll update in a week or so, or earlier if I get into a bad spot and need help from all of you. Thanks for listening...
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome iamnoone. Congratulations on your 6 days! That's fantastic.
I'd been drinking 30 yrs. when I came crawling in here. I never dreamed a forum would help me, but when I found I wasn't alone it took all my anxiety away. I gathered the courage to stop, and to actually feel happy about it - rather than sorry for myself. I don't know why I thought I'd be missing out - drinking didn't do a thing for me in the end but make me miserable. Like you, my looks had suffered too. Everything got better.
Glad to have you with us. Keep on reading and posting. You're doing great.
I'd been drinking 30 yrs. when I came crawling in here. I never dreamed a forum would help me, but when I found I wasn't alone it took all my anxiety away. I gathered the courage to stop, and to actually feel happy about it - rather than sorry for myself. I don't know why I thought I'd be missing out - drinking didn't do a thing for me in the end but make me miserable. Like you, my looks had suffered too. Everything got better.
Glad to have you with us. Keep on reading and posting. You're doing great.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Central Valley
Posts: 131
I turn 51 tomorrow - I am so feeling where you are at. I stopped on Dec 15 a few weeks ago. Working, 'maintaining' normalcy or so I thought. I don't think I 'looked' like a big drinker. Got up early, showered, did my hair, put on make up. I didn't miss days from drinking, or show up late.
With the support of my husband, we both stopped at the same time. Mostly because a recent visit with my Dr for a check up and subsequent labs turned up with liver enzymes 3X the normal levels. He wasn't freaked out, but I was. I came clean about my drinking and he offered some anti anxiety drugs but I refused and told he I wanted to try quitting.
My withdrawal was a bit like yours, the itching at night, fitful sleeping and when my drinking 'witching hour' came - mine was around 6 on weekdays and 4 on weekends and 'pinches' during the day leaving me in a buzzed state pretty much the whole weekend.
I am fit looking for my age too, 5'3 126 lbs. I actually lost weight a bit after stopping the extra 600-800 calories I wasn't consuming in boxed wine.
It was hard thinking of 'stuff' to take the place of my husband and I sitting and watching TV till 'last man standing' every night. Luckily I have other interests like cooking and reading that are more satisfying when done sober.
My puffy face and bloodshot eyes are appearing much better and I was surprised that it only took a couple of weeks to be noticeable. It probably didn't hurt that I started taking better care of my skin at night rather than sleeping in goopy make up because I was to shi$faced to feel like taking it off.
I was experiencing profound anxiety especially with the prospect of driving on the highway, over bridges etc. That has improved 90% since stopping the drinking.
I did stop for about 7 months about 3 years ago. I got sucked back into thinking I could go back to being a 'casual' drinker.
It might sound like BS, but it does get better and better every day. I feel fortunate for my husband's support as well as a close few friends who even knew how bad things were.
Good luck - feel free to send me a private message any time!
With the support of my husband, we both stopped at the same time. Mostly because a recent visit with my Dr for a check up and subsequent labs turned up with liver enzymes 3X the normal levels. He wasn't freaked out, but I was. I came clean about my drinking and he offered some anti anxiety drugs but I refused and told he I wanted to try quitting.
My withdrawal was a bit like yours, the itching at night, fitful sleeping and when my drinking 'witching hour' came - mine was around 6 on weekdays and 4 on weekends and 'pinches' during the day leaving me in a buzzed state pretty much the whole weekend.
I am fit looking for my age too, 5'3 126 lbs. I actually lost weight a bit after stopping the extra 600-800 calories I wasn't consuming in boxed wine.
It was hard thinking of 'stuff' to take the place of my husband and I sitting and watching TV till 'last man standing' every night. Luckily I have other interests like cooking and reading that are more satisfying when done sober.
My puffy face and bloodshot eyes are appearing much better and I was surprised that it only took a couple of weeks to be noticeable. It probably didn't hurt that I started taking better care of my skin at night rather than sleeping in goopy make up because I was to shi$faced to feel like taking it off.
I was experiencing profound anxiety especially with the prospect of driving on the highway, over bridges etc. That has improved 90% since stopping the drinking.
I did stop for about 7 months about 3 years ago. I got sucked back into thinking I could go back to being a 'casual' drinker.
It might sound like BS, but it does get better and better every day. I feel fortunate for my husband's support as well as a close few friends who even knew how bad things were.
Good luck - feel free to send me a private message any time!
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