New day, everyday (log)
 

Hello everyone. I've been lurking here for a while now off and on. I stop in on the days when I'm almost ready to change, I guess. To tell the truth, I think I've used some of the more serious (for lack of a better word) stories of addiction that I found here to convince myself that my own problem wasn't so bad after all. My perception that drinking isn't negatively effecting my life has thankfully began to crumble. I hide things well, I always have. I don't think any of my friends or co-workers have any idea how much I drink. The two people I have talked to about it either don't seem to believe me or just don't take me seriously. This is my main reason for posting. I feel that If I have some kind of accountability, perhaps in the form of a ongoing thread to which I could post updates, it will help me quit. I don't want to hog the forum however, so if there's a better way or if this kind of posting is bad forum form (ha), please let me know.

I drink alot every night and have for the last year or so. Activities I used to enjoy have been replaced by drinking. I rush home after work to start drinking and get annoyed if anything gets in the way. I wake up disgusted with myself, plod through the day, repeat cycle. I get panicked at the thought of not drinking or not having enough to get through the night. For about the sixth time in the last few months, I gathered all the alcohol in the house and threw it away this morning.

Tonight I intend to go to bed sober.

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Hi kevyn and welcome to SR! you have made a great decision to stop drinking :)

I encourage you to go to your Doc, and be VERY truthful with him re yourdrinking . Detoxing alone can be scarey and often dangerous , medical supervision is often a good idea .

it is also difficult to achieve and maintain sobriety alone , I personally chose AA as my method of recovery , but there are many choices , and I am sure there will be people along soon to help you with alternatives .

Drink plenty of fluids , and vitamin supplements also help

Good luck on your journey to recovery

HUGX
Lee

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Yeah, I used to go to work for the single purpose of being able to afford to drink. The more I read the stories around here, the more I see myself. And don't fool yourself though. To be sure, some of what we read here will always sound way more "hardcore" than our personal experience. I can rationalize anything if I want too. You describe a "serious" drinking habit. I like that you use the word accountability. Shows promise and awareness. Do the thread thing. It's in the right forum, as near as I can tell. If you have read a lot of these stories as you say, you'll have noticed a very common theme to those in recovery. We can't do it alone. So, on top of this thread, cut yourself a break and go sit with a bunch of alcoholics for an hour tonight. Wont cost you a dime and you might just be able to put a face to your disease. Easier to fight it when it's got a name.
Welcome Kevyn. I'm Dan, a grateful addict.

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Kevyn... I hear ya about the "hiding things well". Nobody close to me (family, friends, co-workers) has ANY idea as to the severity of my drinking... I talked to my brother a while back and he was under the impression that "I was a lightweight and just couldn't handle my booze"... Work is the same, people love hearing drunken stories etc.. My parents have no clue either.. That's why it helps to be here talking to others like us...


Stick around, and all the best !

TG28

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Hi Kevyn

My name is Mike and I am an alcoholic...at my first AA meeting they told me to identify and not compare with other peoples stories, this helped me a lot since I would no longer use the excuse that I am not as bad as so and so cuz I didn't do that! It helped me to realize that I was way more alike everybody than I was different...

Mike

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

heh Kevyn
as i kept hanging round those who were 'worse off than me' my social circle kept going down and down. Near the end, most of my bros were dead, dying or doing hard time. My disease will ALWAYS find a way to rationalize my using! Like Mike, i now look for the similarities , not the differences. I do NA/AA cause it works for me.
My life is Way Big- and i am present for all of it. Keep coming back. It works if you work it cause you're worth it!!
mackat

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

KEV. HELLO WELCOME ABOARD.STICK AROUND GET WHAT YOU NEED.LOTS OF INSITE HERE.STAY STRONG ted :wave:

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Hey Kevyn, Marty Here. Well you describe me pretty good. I never looked like a drunk. Co-workers know nothing, family knew nothing- only one that really knew was my wife - and she didn't even know how serious things were. I was very functional, as far as work went. No one knew how desperately I needed help, and I was too proud/scared to ask for it.
Glad you posted. We are not alone in dealing with this problem.

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

I made it through night one without a drink. I know the strength I got from posting here and reading your replies helped a great deal. Thank you all.

After work I kept myself busy. Among the things that had long needed to be done was taking the recyclables to the recycling dumpster. The pile of empty bottles, newspapers, ect. had gotten so large that I could only open the refrigerator about 12 inches (shameful). As I gathered the bottles I was shocked. The liquor bottles seemed to have been breeding like rabbits! Handling the empties was both a temptation and a reminder of just how much I needed to resist temptation. I kept moving. It seems that filling the void with activity is what I'll need. As expected, I slept fitfully, but It wasn't so bad. I read myself to sleep and had the fan running all night, which has always calmed me somehow.

I feel strong today. I feel good. I'm not going to drink again tonight.

Thanks again

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Hi Kevyn:)

Fantastic ! on to day 2 !

We are pulling for you

One day at a time

HUGX
lee

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Hey Kev, Great job. Filling your free time with activites is important. Getting out, going to meetings, going for a walk, working on the yard. All those things distract me from my former drinking habbits. It is just amazing how much more time there is to get stuff done.

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Night two was a success. After work I drove around town till about 7:30, went shopping and bought some stuff that I didn't really need. Little stuff, but I was aware I was substituting. When I got back to the apartment I was a little antsy. I've decided to really focus on improving my guitar and mandolin playing, so I tried to sit down with a new instructional DVD and practice. This did not go so well. MSNBUFFALO, I noticed you have a guitar (a Brian Moore?) as your avatar, do you (did you) find it difficult to play sober. I definitely associate picking up the guitar with picking up a drink, and found it hard to concentrate without one. On the other hand, when drinking I really only had about an hour before I began to get sloppy anyway. I'll try again tonight.

I feels good to feel good today!

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Kevyn,
Good on night two man! I relate on the music thing. For so long my guitars had a cup holder attached to them! Liquid inspiration and all that. Took me a while to get comfortable enough with myself to even take a guitar out of the case, much less play the darn thing. We had sort of a musicians thread going here before the Great Crash. I'm playing every day again and really working hard on getting rid of the cobwebs that months of not playing have left between my fingers. I started thinking about doing some gigs again. But playing sober is an absolute joy man!
Guitar players are cool people!

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Two days! :cheer Congradulations!!!!

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Kevyn

Good for you for two days!!!!!

Yep, it's a Brian Moore, not a custom but I like it...Ironically, my guitar playing improved from the start of not drinking...I am more of a drummer tho, and I have a similar feeling as you...for the last 12 years, drumming and drinking became so tied together. My experience was the same, I would play great for about a half hour to an hour and then become sloppy and useless...The second set here in Buffalo always started around 12:30 AM...I don't remember too many second sets...usually just sobered up a little at 4 when I was finished packing the car....

Yes it has been difficult at first but I am slowly getting back to it...I have not played with other people yet so I am not sure if my drumming in a jam or audition would be equal to what it was, but I feel more confident with my technique...and I know I will be better longer...My guitar playing has improved so much in the last almost two months of not drinking, I may actually try to put together a guitar jam before I get back to the drums...

Of course as Im sure Dan will agree, there is way more time now to spend on music....!!
keep on going...it gets better...

Dan and Kevyn, I read recently that playing a musical instrument can help repair the alcohol damage to our brains much more quickly…I should be good in about 5 years or so then!

Mike

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

KEV,GREAT JOB !I DIDNT KNOW ALL YOU GUYS PLAYED TOO.I PLAY THE MEANEST RADIO YOU EVER HEARD! :band ROCK ON SOBER DUDES. STAY STRONG ted :thumb

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Hi Kevyn and welcome!

Boy I can relate to that. No one had a clue about my drinking except my husband and daughter. My co-workers, and other family members didn't know. I hid it so I thought fairly well.

I'm glad I don't have to do it anymore because I can live sober now, one day at a time.Your going to find a great deal of support here as I did the day I arrived. It can be done, you can learn to look yourself in the mirror again, and like who you see.

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Hi kevyn

Congrats on the 2 days.

How are you doing today?

from a guitarless mootpoint

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

Good one Ted! :LMAO

Kevyn - Great job! :thumb

Re: New day, everyday (log)
 

kevyn
i luv the story bout only able to move the frig door 12" ! While i was in rehab , my girlfriend cleaned out the camper trailer i had used a s my last stop- she said she could'nt see out the windows for the empties. And i had only been there a few months!!
last nite 5 of us had a music session at my house- been a weekly thing for a ccouple months. lots of original tunes. back in rehab, i did My first public sober gig ever. was scared stiff but knew i was surrounded by love so somehow stumbled thru...
My creative chops have really taken off in sobriety- hard to relate this stuff and keep my ego right sized, but suffice to say lots of folk are wowed. As i really feared that my artist side was drug inspired, this discovery has been incredible!!
As has the rest of my life. glad you're here
mackat