figments

Something happened which makes me question whether I really have a drinking problem or not. I've been reflecting on this a lot lately, and had sort of come to the conclusion that I do, but then this happened...

While eating out, someone poured me a glass of wine. You know how it is, some people don't even ask, they just pour assuming you want it. So I drank it, very slowly, and a bit apprehensively. Normally I can't stop at one, and I had to drive back after. Other times I've tried this while having to drive after, it's resulted in intense frustration and getting drunk at the very next opportunity I got.

But this time something interesting (and positive) happened. I finished that one glass, and I'm not feeling that intense frustration! I don't know if it's because I drank it very, very slowly, so I never got that buzz from it – if so, this could be a good technique the next time I find myself in a similar situation. Another theory is that wine is not my usual drink of choice – I very rarely drink wine. If it'd been vodka, on the other hand, I think it would have been a lot harder to stop at one and I would have got that frustrated feeling for sure.

So maybe I'm ok to drink as long as it isn't vodka, and as long as I drink it slow enough that I don't feel the effects? I can't help but feel I'm fooling myself, but it's really very rare that I stop at one. So I thought I'd throw it in here and see what you guys make of it.

2granddaughters

As always, time will tell.

All the best.

Bob R

Boleo

I never did get a buzz from a single glass of wine. It took at least 4 - 5 glasses before I felt anything at all. Was that a positive experience for me? Not so much.

There was a time when I thought I would be safe drinking only light beer and expensive wine. Sometimes it worked for me, sometimes it ended in black-outs. At any rate, it was a phase I had to go through to come to the conclusion that I was powerless over alcohol.

MsJax

That's the thing, figments. People that don't have an alcohol problem don't analyze having one glass of wine...

zjw

yeah I thought ice beer would be better then regular for me that i'd drink less. I thought 151 would work out better then any beer maybe i'd drink less. I tried drinking top shelf type stuff thinking the cost the sophistications the elegance of it will keep me in line. Perhaps wine will do i could be a civil lad that enjoys a nice glass of chardonay with my fish. Maybe liquor only after i have a nice meal etc.. Yeah i tried all the angles. The only thing i can say is the higher the alcohol content the more drunk i got a whole lot faster out side of that i still ended up falling down **** drunk no matter what form i chose or what my original intentions where or how well thought out my strategy was.

I even crunched the numbers and figured it'd be more economical for me to pitch yeast into welches grape juice in 5 gallon batches then to purchase any form of booze. I even thought hell maybe skip the juice part and huck some water and sugar and yest togthr i could save even more money further justifying my habit.

In the end i realized i was an alcoholic

::facepalm::

awuh1

The OP reminds me of two things.

Someone said in a meeting, “Why is it that the first thought in my head after ‘maybe I’m not an alcoholic’ is ‘I think I’ll have a drink’…?

It also reminds me of the second to last paragraph on page 31. Sounds like you’re adding to the list. BIG BOOK-CHAPTER THREE P31.ASP

Dee74

well I did this many times...

I completely disregarded the times one glass of wine led to some very bad consequences, and I championed the few times over 30 years(like count on one hand times) that I had one glass and felt ok about that.

I don't want to bring you down at all, figments, but I wonder if you're not doing the same thing?

D

figments

Ha! Good point.

Don't worry about whether or not you're bringing me down - I need to hear the truth, and I appreciate directness.

I appreciate everyone else's replies too.

So I guess this was no miracle after all. I thought before that being alcoholic meant that you could NEVER stop at one drink, EVER. I guess I got that wrong. Better that I know that now than continue to fool myself into thinking I must be fine.

Thanks.

soberlicious

Sounds like a one-off. I wouldn't put much stock in it. In fact I would put zero stock in it. I could probably do it a few times, but I know for a fact it would not be the norm. I know the answer, and I'm betting you do too.
Also, the fact that you see this as a markedly "strange experience" is telling. For "normal" drinkers, what you describe would not be strange at all.

EternalQ

Honestly, since you asked, this is what I think.
I think you are already making rules and conditions...
"As long as its not vodka.."
"As long as I drink it slow.."
Now lets assume those rules work. (A huge assumption btw)
Do you want to live that way with the self monitoring and checking all the tine? Is it worth the risk? I mean you already said you don't really like wine. So why drink it when you could enjoy a beverage you like?

I am the same. I drank vodka. Wine or beer would've done nothing for me. But I know I am not addicted to VODKA. I am addicted to ALCOHOL.

I know when I would pick smoking back up I always had rules (I will only smoke when I am out for a drink. I won't buy, etc) It took varying amounts of time but I always got readdicted to cigarettes and had to endure that horrible withdrawal. Well never again. And I feel the same way about my drinking.
But I wish you the best outcome for you, of course. Let us know how it goes.
Best, EQ

Dee74

I believed that too - I *needed* to believe it, desperately...

Now I think it was just my addiction playing with me...

those few times of 'one glass', and my desire to be a normal drinker, were the big fat juicy worm that kept me on the hook...

D

pkrma

I've been there before also, so many times that I didn't think I was an alcoholic for 15 years even though I was, because every once in awhile I could easily put the stuff down after a beer or two.

But, the blackouts never go away. Even though for me I cut down on my drinking as I got deeper into my 20s, I never stopped being an alcoholic. The last time I drank was the worst blackout I ever had, that's when I realized the only way I could avoid blackouts was to stop altogether, forever.

People always say you just need to control it, learn how drink less. I tried, really, really, really hard to make that my reality. But it never stuck, and I'm sure it never will. It's all or nothing for me.

figments

Yeah, I see now that this one experience doesn't really change anything. Seems a bit silly even to think it meant something.

Thanks everyone for the replies. I only found this forum recently but I'm already glad that I did - it's been really useful.

Fernaceman

Sounds like an interesting experiment to me. I hope you're successful in whatever you decide.

Best wishes.

digderidoo

I know one guy that convinced himself that so long as he sips through a straw he would be okay, six months later he was back at the meetings. The end of my drinking I convinced myself the cheap low alcohol wine was okay, problem was after a few attempts I was drinking bottles of the stuff.

Alcohol is alcohol, whether it's found within the rye of vodka or the grapes of wine.

As someone said above time will tell.

Xune

If I chose to start moderating, I GUARANTEE I would have short term success. Right this second, I could have one single beer no problem.

Trouble is, In a month, maybe three or four...I'd be back to slamming 65 or 70 beers a week.

For you...only you know and you are free to make your own choices.

I wish you well with the choices you make.

SixStringZen

Another way to phrase it, would be obsessing on it...which it something that folks without drinking problems usually don't do....

Fernaceman

Yep, folks without drinking problems never even *have* to wonder if they are drinking too much or it's taking over their lives and thoughts.

Ptcapote

This discussion has been very helpful to me. I have done the very same thing each and every time I tried to "moderate." I am a huge wine drinker but pretty much dislike most other things. So the first time I stopped the red wine completely---made me too emotional, I told myself. Then the white wine---went down like water. I stuck to beer and an occasional mixed drink for a few months and found I could "control" it. Until it lowered my resistance enough to think, "Why not have a glass or two (bottle or three) of wine?"

Then I found that I ended up liking beer and vodka far more than I thought I did when nothing else was around and I couldn't get ahold of the wine.

It worked for me for a few months---maybe three---but in the end the same happened to me as what everyone else here is describing.

When I read that part in the AA book about switching around to try to not have to quit, it resonated immediately.

Maybe will be different for you but that was my experience. Shame too---wanted it to work so badly!

ReadyAndAble

Well... you did ask.

So I feel the need to join the choir. My personal experience is enough to make me skeptical, but I've read this story 100 times on SR. Usually people quickly realize they were kidding themselves, and hop back on the wagon. Those are the only happy endings I've ever seen.

Also, if you think about it, vodka isn't a drug. Alcohol is a drug. There's no such thing as vodkaholics, only alcoholics.