Bennko64

Hi... I'm a recovering alcoholic I have been sober 2 & 1/2 years. I could not achieve this before I attended AA. Before AA I went to an Alcohol Advice service but I could never remain sober for long. My Alcoholism went pretty low as is the case for other people much of the time. I was hospitalized about 10 times with severe withdrawals and I feel lucky to have got through it, cos I've seen others who haven't. So one would expect me to be over the moon and happy now... well certainly I am at times, but after 2 1/2 years sober it has become more and more evident that I have ADP. (addictive personality Disorder) It's not really something I've looked at because I didn't think it was that important to. But it's noticeable now that it's very much affecting my life and my recovery. Before Alcohol I used Marijuana and ecstasy excessively... and soon started drinking alcoholically aged about 17 until the age of 30. Now sober I find I still remain obsessive and I can become obsessed/addicted to things I would never expect. I have throughout time used pornography excessively, I still do to some degree, last year on twitter I also became obsessed with a porn star across the internet. I became obsessed with the idea she needed saving... I sent her 150 maybe more emails... she replied to about 5 and I remained obsessed with her for about 1 year. It scared me cause I realized how obsessed I had become with it. when things like this are going on, I don't eat very well, sometimes I just don't wash or eat at all for maybe 3 days straight, it's like eating is not a thought before the obsession I maybe going through, I can feel very ill sometimes because of it. Anyway without going on for ages... I wonder if anyone else has experienced anything similar.. I presume it's fairly common. I'm just trying to address it.. cos basically I'm tired of it, it' like my thoughts are 95% of the time directed towards an active obsession, and it's very noticeable now that it's affecting my lifestyle and my health.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Bennko

I think a lot of us can be prone to obsession, but I think for most of us it's pretty self regulating...

I must admit I've never heard of ADP...have you ever seen a therapist or counsellor about it?

D

Bennko64

Hi... My doctor has described me as having an addictive personality.. but I've never discussed it with him in much detail. The thing is I used to think I could self regulate alcohol which I couldn't and it appears I have a hard time self regulating anything that could be described as an obsession or an addiction.

Bennko64

[QUOTE=Dee74;3745650]Hi and welcome Bennko

Happy New Year.

instant

Sounds like seeing a professional may help. You did not mention what else you have going in your life, nature abhors a vacuum.

Bennko64

You mean... this mindset and behaviour is related to escapism and as a result my life is limited. Well I would agree with that 100% Escapism is easily the number 1 reason I took drugs and drank. Escape from feelings and emotions. In AA as you may well know there's a program, I certainly don't follow it exactly. I think i've tried to find an easier softer road. By switching to different things when I stopped drinking. I dunno I find it hard not to... I've always done it since I was a kid and I started playing computer games..... excessively. lol

paul99

Welcome Bennko,

You mention that your doctor diagnosed you with ADP, yet you say you never spoke about it much in detail with him/her. Perhaps a full disclosure to them or a therapist might give you a better idea of what is going on? They will need to see the full picture, as you described.

As for AA, if you're just picking out the things that work for you, that's fine, but it's not AA. Perhaps not taking the easier softer way will unearth the causes and conditions which make you prone to switching addictions. Remember alcohol isn't the problem, but the solution. You, like many of us, have simply switched solutions.

For me, I was into food, and specifically, sugar. I was fine for a while, then started to see that I was using sugar the same way I was alcohol in many ways - being secretive, bingeing, etc. So I cut that out too, and see things in a clearer way (and am healthier too!)

Hope this helps!

TheEnd

ADP is not a DSM diagnosis. I have never heard of this before. Where does that come from?

Bennko64

I haven't been diagnosed with addictive personality disorder, my doctor just described me as having an addictive personality. I just used APD to abbreviate it. I've heard of addictive personality lots of times. I don't know if it's a recognised diagnosis as in (APD) but there appears to be plenty of information about it on the net.

Bennko64

The reason I've addressed it in this thread is because I think I need to highlight the fact that there are other things I become obsessed or addicted to quite easily. Sometimes I can think... "Well it's ok I haven't had a drink today"... but the reality for me now is, I can spend days/weeks excessively doing something else, and not really living as I should. What appears to happen is when I stop doing one thing, I just switch to something else. I think addictive personality describes that better than alcoholic.

Bennko64

Thanks for the reply.... Yes... I think what I have done is use AA to get and stay sober and that's all. In fact it's dawned on me that by me not drinking in my head is a green light to do something else obsessively. I have done the first 6 steps and I did a step 4 without missing anything out. But I think I have kept at the back of mind, this kind of allowance that's it's ok to be excessive with something else as long as I don't drink. Which certainly is not written anywhere in the AA literature. I need to address it and stop pretending it's not happening.