Another new person
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Gauteng
Posts: 18
Another new person
Hi all,
Another new person here.
I have been reading through many of the stories here on Sober Recovery and I can see many parts of myself in many of the stories here.
Started my drinking at 15 in high school during the holidays but managed to control it then obviously due to finances (rather lack of at that age).
From 18 is when the serious drinking started due to getting a job as a barman, now in hindsight that job was not the best idea. Spent many hours there working and partying at the same time.
Managed to have a car accident during this period too ,luckily only my car, while drunk. And as it was only my car, I managed to sort it out without the police being involved.
After the barman position I worked for family in a day job and everything was going so well or so I thought. Was regularly spending weekends drunk but hey I didn’t have a drinking problem because during the week I had a good paying job and was sober (obvious denial).
Was during this period that I had another car accident, again while drunk (should have started noticing a trend), this time with another vehicle (whose driver was also drunk). This time the police were involved and both of us were arrested for DUI. Spent the rest of the night in prison (10hours too long still)
Here I was 23 years old and my father and mother were at the police station watching their son being detained and as I was still drunk and didn’t want them to witness this I was lashing out at my mother (that still haunts my thoughts, putting them through that). I don’t think my parents slept that night. My father spent all morning arranging my bail. I also had a lot of explaining to do to the family members who I was working for as this happened on a weekday and couldn’t make it to work.
That did sort of wake me up for a while as I “had learnt my lesson” and was going to stop/or at the very least moderate my drinking. As many here know, that worked for a while until the bottle had me convinced again that I am good and can control it whenever I want.
The next downward spiral had started.
I still also had to answer to the courts still for the DUI, which as it was a first offence I got a suspended sentence for 5 years. 2 days after the court hearing I managed to get a new job as the relationship at work was strained.
Again I had an awesome job and managed to move out and live on my own. Which gave me now a chance to drink daily after work as I didn’t have to answer to anyone (the moderating obviously hadn’t worked).
But still I wouldn’t admit I had a problem. I had yet another car accident probably about 3 years after my last accident after a 40 hour bender I fell asleep briefly behind the wheel, jerked myself awake and carried on driving. A hit and run to now while drunk. Thank goodness I didn’t hurt anyone as the owner only traced me the next day. He didn’t want to involve the police thank goodness for me (my guardian angel was working overtime).
By this time I was controlling my drinking during the week (had progressed to drinking work days too), but come most weekends it was a full on binge. Due to the binge drinking the blackouts were starting to become more and more frequent and longer. Now that is scary stuff, the amount of time I have spent worrying over what I have done while in a blackout is just insane.
On the 17th November I had another blackout scare as I realized I went partying on my own (had never really done it alone, this time I was just wanting another drink, always 1 more you know). I must have lost at least 6-8 hours again after the party due to a black out. And I woke up outside the bar in my car (I suppose thank goodness I didn’t drive immediately home and did sleep in the car). This same night another friend at the same party had managed to also roll his car.
I think I have realized now that things have to change. It could have easily been me again that rolled my vehicle and I am not sure how many more chances I have to cheat death.
That is when I discovered this site and have managed to totally give up alcohol since my first day sober 18th November 2012 and still going strong.
You all rock here and have been a major inspiration.
Sorry didn’t realize how long this had become but it has also helped putting it into words.
Keep strong everyone and thanks for all your inspiring stories.
Another new person here.
I have been reading through many of the stories here on Sober Recovery and I can see many parts of myself in many of the stories here.
Started my drinking at 15 in high school during the holidays but managed to control it then obviously due to finances (rather lack of at that age).
From 18 is when the serious drinking started due to getting a job as a barman, now in hindsight that job was not the best idea. Spent many hours there working and partying at the same time.
Managed to have a car accident during this period too ,luckily only my car, while drunk. And as it was only my car, I managed to sort it out without the police being involved.
After the barman position I worked for family in a day job and everything was going so well or so I thought. Was regularly spending weekends drunk but hey I didn’t have a drinking problem because during the week I had a good paying job and was sober (obvious denial).
Was during this period that I had another car accident, again while drunk (should have started noticing a trend), this time with another vehicle (whose driver was also drunk). This time the police were involved and both of us were arrested for DUI. Spent the rest of the night in prison (10hours too long still)
Here I was 23 years old and my father and mother were at the police station watching their son being detained and as I was still drunk and didn’t want them to witness this I was lashing out at my mother (that still haunts my thoughts, putting them through that). I don’t think my parents slept that night. My father spent all morning arranging my bail. I also had a lot of explaining to do to the family members who I was working for as this happened on a weekday and couldn’t make it to work.
That did sort of wake me up for a while as I “had learnt my lesson” and was going to stop/or at the very least moderate my drinking. As many here know, that worked for a while until the bottle had me convinced again that I am good and can control it whenever I want.
The next downward spiral had started.
I still also had to answer to the courts still for the DUI, which as it was a first offence I got a suspended sentence for 5 years. 2 days after the court hearing I managed to get a new job as the relationship at work was strained.
Again I had an awesome job and managed to move out and live on my own. Which gave me now a chance to drink daily after work as I didn’t have to answer to anyone (the moderating obviously hadn’t worked).
But still I wouldn’t admit I had a problem. I had yet another car accident probably about 3 years after my last accident after a 40 hour bender I fell asleep briefly behind the wheel, jerked myself awake and carried on driving. A hit and run to now while drunk. Thank goodness I didn’t hurt anyone as the owner only traced me the next day. He didn’t want to involve the police thank goodness for me (my guardian angel was working overtime).
By this time I was controlling my drinking during the week (had progressed to drinking work days too), but come most weekends it was a full on binge. Due to the binge drinking the blackouts were starting to become more and more frequent and longer. Now that is scary stuff, the amount of time I have spent worrying over what I have done while in a blackout is just insane.
On the 17th November I had another blackout scare as I realized I went partying on my own (had never really done it alone, this time I was just wanting another drink, always 1 more you know). I must have lost at least 6-8 hours again after the party due to a black out. And I woke up outside the bar in my car (I suppose thank goodness I didn’t drive immediately home and did sleep in the car). This same night another friend at the same party had managed to also roll his car.
I think I have realized now that things have to change. It could have easily been me again that rolled my vehicle and I am not sure how many more chances I have to cheat death.
That is when I discovered this site and have managed to totally give up alcohol since my first day sober 18th November 2012 and still going strong.
You all rock here and have been a major inspiration.
Sorry didn’t realize how long this had become but it has also helped putting it into words.
Keep strong everyone and thanks for all your inspiring stories.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Gauteng
Posts: 18
Thanks Instant
It hasn't always been easy over the last month, but I have got through it. It does get better everyday though.
I think my one main issue though at the moment is letting go of my own regret and to stop beating myself up for all the wasted time and all the things I did while drunk. Many of them were terrible and hurt a lot of people who loved me. Many of those same people are still in my life and have forgiven me, I think I am struggling myself to let go of the hurt I caused. Myself and them.
Thanks D, I hope to be around here for a very very long time to come.
It hasn't always been easy over the last month, but I have got through it. It does get better everyday though.
I think my one main issue though at the moment is letting go of my own regret and to stop beating myself up for all the wasted time and all the things I did while drunk. Many of them were terrible and hurt a lot of people who loved me. Many of those same people are still in my life and have forgiven me, I think I am struggling myself to let go of the hurt I caused. Myself and them.
Thanks D, I hope to be around here for a very very long time to come.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome to the family samestories. My story is frighteningly similar. I'm much older - went on into my 50's trying to manage it, with disastrous results.
You are very self aware and honest about everything. You can see the scary pattern, and know it can't continue. If there was a way to moderate, you would have found it by now. I wasted many years insisting I could just use willpower. I also wasted time spent feeling guilty about past events that I could never undo. Remembering what happened is valuable to a point, but you must let it go and forgive yourself so you can begin to heal. Remorse and regret always led me back to drinking again to cope. Please try to look forward to a new day - we know you can do it.
You are very self aware and honest about everything. You can see the scary pattern, and know it can't continue. If there was a way to moderate, you would have found it by now. I wasted many years insisting I could just use willpower. I also wasted time spent feeling guilty about past events that I could never undo. Remembering what happened is valuable to a point, but you must let it go and forgive yourself so you can begin to heal. Remorse and regret always led me back to drinking again to cope. Please try to look forward to a new day - we know you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR samestories 
I had a lot of feelings of regret when I first quit too, but it doesn't help to focus on that now. Guilt is a bugger for leading us back to drinking. Try and focus on positive stuff for now. All those other feelings will be easier to deal with in time.
Glad you're here x
I had a lot of feelings of regret when I first quit too, but it doesn't help to focus on that now. Guilt is a bugger for leading us back to drinking. Try and focus on positive stuff for now. All those other feelings will be easier to deal with in time.
Glad you're here x
Trudger of Happy Destiny
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Hey there, welcome to SR.
I can relate a lot to your story, especially the part about always wanting ONE more drink (which for me always turned into who knows, blackout drunk for sure).
Bottom line is when I started drinking I couldn't stop, and when I wasn't drinking I was constantly thinking about it (obsessing). I was also, for lack of a better word, an a**hole when not drinking (and come to think about it, WHILE drinking, too, LOL). I was restless, irritable, and discontent with life. Alcohol was my problem AND solution to the problem.
Then I found and realized things weren't going to get better on their own. Kudos to you for stopping on your own, that's huge. For myself, though, I needed something to fill the void that alcohol once helped with. A recovery program was the answer for me. It has given me the answers I was looking for in alcohol.
What next steps do you have planned for YOUR recovery? Action is important and crucial here.
I can relate a lot to your story, especially the part about always wanting ONE more drink (which for me always turned into who knows, blackout drunk for sure).
Bottom line is when I started drinking I couldn't stop, and when I wasn't drinking I was constantly thinking about it (obsessing). I was also, for lack of a better word, an a**hole when not drinking (and come to think about it, WHILE drinking, too, LOL). I was restless, irritable, and discontent with life. Alcohol was my problem AND solution to the problem.
Then I found and realized things weren't going to get better on their own. Kudos to you for stopping on your own, that's huge. For myself, though, I needed something to fill the void that alcohol once helped with. A recovery program was the answer for me. It has given me the answers I was looking for in alcohol.
What next steps do you have planned for YOUR recovery? Action is important and crucial here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Gauteng
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Hevyn 
Welcome to the family samestories. My story is frighteningly similar. I'm much older - went on into my 50's trying to manage it, with disastrous results.
You are very self aware and honest about everything. You can see the scary pattern, and know it can't continue. If there was a way to moderate, you would have found it by now. I wasted many years insisting I could just use willpower. I also wasted time spent feeling guilty about past events that I could never undo. Remembering what happened is valuable to a point, but you must let it go and forgive yourself so you can begin to heal. Remorse and regret always led me back to drinking again to cope. Please try to look forward to a new day - we know you can do it.
You are very self aware and honest about everything. You can see the scary pattern, and know it can't continue. If there was a way to moderate, you would have found it by now. I wasted many years insisting I could just use willpower. I also wasted time spent feeling guilty about past events that I could never undo. Remembering what happened is valuable to a point, but you must let it go and forgive yourself so you can begin to heal. Remorse and regret always led me back to drinking again to cope. Please try to look forward to a new day - we know you can do it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Gauteng
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by hypochondriac
Welcome to SR samestories
I had a lot of feelings of regret when I first quit too, but it doesn't help to focus on that now. Guilt is a bugger for leading us back to drinking. Try and focus on positive stuff for now. All those other feelings will be easier to deal with in time.
Glad you're here x
I had a lot of feelings of regret when I first quit too, but it doesn't help to focus on that now. Guilt is a bugger for leading us back to drinking. Try and focus on positive stuff for now. All those other feelings will be easier to deal with in time.
Glad you're here x
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Gauteng
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by Fernaceman
Hey there, welcome to SR.
I can relate a lot to your story, especially the part about always wanting ONE more drink (which for me always turned into who knows, blackout drunk for sure).
Bottom line is when I started drinking I couldn't stop, and when I wasn't drinking I was constantly thinking about it (obsessing). I was also, for lack of a better word, an a**hole when not drinking (and come to think about it, WHILE drinking, too, LOL). I was restless, irritable, and discontent with life. Alcohol was my problem AND solution to the problem.
Then I found and realized things weren't going to get better on their own. Kudos to you for stopping on your own, that's huge. For myself, though, I needed something to fill the void that alcohol once helped with. A recovery program was the answer for me. It has given me the answers I was looking for in alcohol.
What next steps do you have planned for YOUR recovery? Action is important and crucial here.
I can relate a lot to your story, especially the part about always wanting ONE more drink (which for me always turned into who knows, blackout drunk for sure).
Bottom line is when I started drinking I couldn't stop, and when I wasn't drinking I was constantly thinking about it (obsessing). I was also, for lack of a better word, an a**hole when not drinking (and come to think about it, WHILE drinking, too, LOL). I was restless, irritable, and discontent with life. Alcohol was my problem AND solution to the problem.
Then I found and realized things weren't going to get better on their own. Kudos to you for stopping on your own, that's huge. For myself, though, I needed something to fill the void that alcohol once helped with. A recovery program was the answer for me. It has given me the answers I was looking for in alcohol.
What next steps do you have planned for YOUR recovery? Action is important and crucial here.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Gauteng
Posts: 18
Originally Posted by ZombieAttack
Samestories; looks like we both gave up alcohol on the exact same day!
Well done us!
Well done us!
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