ziv2

For the last few years or so, I was a pretty much a daily drinker. I was still very much a functioning alcoholic, luckily no trouble with the law, and still was performing very well at work. A few months ago, I just got sick of it. I told myself day after day - no more drinking, or only a few drinks. Morning after morning I would wake up and think "How the hell did I end up drinking that much?" I finally stopped a couple of months ago, and have been sober ever since (besides what I am about to share).

So I was doing very well, and was very happy to be sober. My boyfriend on the other hand, is very very deep into his alcoholism. No job, all he does is pretty much wake up, drink, pass out, wake up, drink more, pass out. He finally decided to get some help, and went into rehab less than a week ago. Ever since he has gone to rehab, I have been a stressed out wreck. I'm so scared about what is going to happen when he gets out of rehab.. will he relapse? Stay sober? And if he stays sober, what is he going to be like? Is he going to be an angry a** hole? Can I trust him? It used to be that he would constantly lie about the alcohol - at least I always knew what he was lying about when he was drinking. Will he replace those lies about alcohol with lies about other things? Will he meet some girl in rehab and cheat on me? (I know it sounds selfish, but that is one of my biggest fears about this whole ordeal)

Last night at my family Christmas party, I told myself I would not drink. I was doing well. But slowly but surely, I kept telling myself "You will feel so much better after just one drink. You are so stressed, a glass of wine will make you feel better. Just one." There was only about a glass of wine left (thank goodness) and I had one. Ughh, I know why I can't drink. Because after that glass of wine, I felt good. Once that nice feeling started to wear off, I was DESPERATE for more. I was pacing around the house, desperately trying to find more booze, despite the fact that I was 99% sure that was the last drop of alcohol in the house. Finally, once the effects of the booze wore off, I was better and stopped craving it... but OMG, I now know why I can't drink.

So, after that.. I'm even more scared that my boyfriend will break down and not be able to stay sober. If I broke down and had some alcohol, I do not see how my boyfriend is going to stay sober! He is 20x more addicted than I am! And one slip for him, will mean he won't just have a glass of wine. He will down a pint of vodka.

So all in all, I sort of just wanted to vent. I'm glad I only had one drink. I still am very much committed to sobriety, despite that one slip. But I am also an emotional wreck over my boyfriend being in rehab!!! Thanks for letting me vent everyone!

Tamerua

Hi Ziv, glad you were able to catch yourself!


As for your BF, sorry for the stress. All you can do though us have control over you and your actions.

Dee74

Ziv - I know it's hard not to worry about future things but it's pointless until you know what the future is.

I think you need to focus on you - your bf has his own journey, and you have yours.

From what I read, he's trying to do something about his problems - maybe it's time to think about what you're doing about yours?

D