First sober birthday in over a decade today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 5
First sober birthday in over a decade today
Today is my 26th birthday. I have 146 days sober. I started drinking when I was 13 and I would say from about 16 years old till 146 days ago was a big blur due to always being drunk. I have my parents staying for the holidays at my house so we just went out shopping and ate really good food and watched a movie. I enjoyed having a nice and sober birthday.....sure is nice not to be that blacked out ******* I used to be. My struggle today was I had plans with my best friend to hang out tonight. She invited me to go to a brewery here in town. I declined and said that's not the best place to be at when you are an ex drinker. Anyways, long story short she went with her parents and said she would come by in an hour to go get some food and rent a movie. I got a drunk call from her about three hours later complaining about how I didn't want to go out. What I am struggling with in my recovery is not the staying sober part.....it is the finding people who can have fun without drinking. I can be around people that drink but not in situations where it is just a **** show and they are drinking to get drunk. I am fine around people just enjoying a few drinks. Do I need to just cut ties with people like that? My heart tells me yes but I'm not sure. Just difficult because that is everyone that I know. Thanks for reading.
Sean
Sean
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
Happy birthday. Congrats on a good decision and on staying true to yourself.
Yep, the friend issue can be tough. I do not pretend to have a lot of answers. I think you will find some good healthy friends. the transition can seem long though. I am going through something similar. I have a tough time making good, close friends anyway even if I didn't limit them to non-problem drinkers. Things will work out though. Just have to keep ourselves sober and healthy.
Yep, the friend issue can be tough. I do not pretend to have a lot of answers. I think you will find some good healthy friends. the transition can seem long though. I am going through something similar. I have a tough time making good, close friends anyway even if I didn't limit them to non-problem drinkers. Things will work out though. Just have to keep ourselves sober and healthy.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Ca
Posts: 51
Yes, absolutely. I had to realize who really cared about me and who cared about partying. It tore me up to find that only a few really cared about my well being. Sometimes you do have to cut some ties. Some people will not understand and will not like that you don't drink. I was very worried about losing all my friends because we all drank hard. But I just stayed my sober course and it all worked out.
Two years later I have less friends but higher quality friends. It worked out for the best. Make sure you take care of yourself and health first.
Two years later I have less friends but higher quality friends. It worked out for the best. Make sure you take care of yourself and health first.
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
HI Sean - Welcome and Happy Birthday!
You're going to get different reactions from people when you identify as a sober person. Some will support you and do what they can to help you out, others will shrug their shoulders and keep doing what they're doing, some will lash out and some may just believe you're going through a phase of some kind. The thing is that you can't control their reactions. Those like your friend might feel that they are losing their friend, or at least the idea of what their friend is. If you connect only on a drinking level, then you're drinking buddies really, nothing else. And those need to fall by the wayside if you feel that it will affect your sobriety, whether they drink in front of you or because of the drama surrounding your not drinking.
You don't know what is going on in your friend's mind, but you can control what is going on with you. Your heart says you need to cut ties with certain people. You may have to. Your sobriety is the most important thing. I lost more people to my drinking than I ever did when I was sober. So for me, my sobriety comes first, and if I had to say bye or see you later to a few people, then so be it. It's not always fun, but in the long run, I am much happier, and I wish them happiness too.
You will connect with others who don't drink or don't need drink to have fun. It may not happen overnight, but if you're active in other areas of your life, then it will happen. You just have to put yourself out there. You're young, so you have a lot of road ahead of you. Just be confident and careful in who you take along the journey with you
You're going to get different reactions from people when you identify as a sober person. Some will support you and do what they can to help you out, others will shrug their shoulders and keep doing what they're doing, some will lash out and some may just believe you're going through a phase of some kind. The thing is that you can't control their reactions. Those like your friend might feel that they are losing their friend, or at least the idea of what their friend is. If you connect only on a drinking level, then you're drinking buddies really, nothing else. And those need to fall by the wayside if you feel that it will affect your sobriety, whether they drink in front of you or because of the drama surrounding your not drinking.
You don't know what is going on in your friend's mind, but you can control what is going on with you. Your heart says you need to cut ties with certain people. You may have to. Your sobriety is the most important thing. I lost more people to my drinking than I ever did when I was sober. So for me, my sobriety comes first, and if I had to say bye or see you later to a few people, then so be it. It's not always fun, but in the long run, I am much happier, and I wish them happiness too.
You will connect with others who don't drink or don't need drink to have fun. It may not happen overnight, but if you're active in other areas of your life, then it will happen. You just have to put yourself out there. You're young, so you have a lot of road ahead of you. Just be confident and careful in who you take along the journey with you
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 5
You guys all gave really great advice. Thank you, it is much appreciated. Pretty much I gave up the drinking but not the friends that I drank with. Getting ditched on my birthday made me realize that. I am kind of glad it happened now. I always assumed that if I could kick the habit that life would be perfect. Having trouble realizing that even after getting sober it still takes a lot of fight out of you. I am glad I joined this forum. I thought I had it all figured out till yesterday. I will find some sober friends! Thanks again
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