T1234

And, near the end of November my mother suddenly passed away. Tonight (12/21) I bought some beer. I drank 4 ounces of beer from one bottle and stopped. (I measured the remaining liquid) - And, I have got rid of it.

One of my buddies who has been a alcoholic and still is was helping me get rid of stuff in the house and his ways started to wear off on me.

Just wanted to get it out somewhere.

Thanks.

robgt350

good for you. sorry to hear you lost your mother, a sad day indeed.

AnotherPaul

Very sorry for your loss.

Sounds like you came to the edge of the cliff and backed away. Well done.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss T1234

are you doing anything for your recovery right now - sounds like you could use some support?

D

T1234

Thanks all. Dee, just trying to stay busy. Now that my buddy is gone (was here off and on a few days this week and stayed over one night, and he was drinking the whole time) and the house is cleaned out... I feel that I should be OK. The desire was never really there... truly... I dropped him off and on the way back just started driving around thinking... and ended up at a liquor store.. hesitation when I got home... opened one... sniffed it and sipped it (4 oz worth) and by that time I was here on the site.

I don't want it anymore. I never truly wanted it. It was just stupid and a waste of money. I'm on the way out to get more soda (which I had been out of) and snacks.

Is there anything else I should be doing?

Thanks.

T1234

Well, it is the next morning and I feel remorse about the 4 ounces of beer. According to my calculations I consumed 1.832% alcohol. I definitely have no desire to repeat this same action again. I didn't get a buzz, drunk or feel much of anything.

Out of it all, I got annoyed about how my mouth felt after drinking the 4 ounces. Sticky with that scent that made me brush my teeth right away. I don't know if I truly am an alcoholic (it is easier to tell myself that I am)- I knew that when I drank, I drank too much (in my mind) 5-7 beers in a sitting to feel bad the next day, so that is why I stopped to begin with.

I'm not trying to rationalize my way into drinking again, rather just thinking that I did stop at the 4 ounces and got rid of the rest and that the desire and craving to have a drink was not there.... it was more of a shock response to the sudden death of my mother... which is no excuse, but it happened and I will move forward.

That said, for some type of insurance and peace of mind... If you have any tips or advice to maybe help me make sure I stay on track sharing them would be welcome.

Thanks for listening.

Dee74

I can't speak for you, but I think if I was to have a drink again, considering all the damage I did to myself and others drinking and all I'd achieved in my sobriety, then I'd have no doubt I was an alcoholic.

I find support invaluable...and I also find it important to maintain my recovery...how to best do that for you is really up to you T1234.

D

T1234

Thanks, Dee. Well, I just got home from a 6+ hour holiday gathering at a relatives. Most were drinking. A few (me included) were not. It did not bother me whatsoever. I drank my soda and ate food and visited. Getting ready for bedtime now. What has worked best for me is just staying busy and not drinking. The combination of my old drinking buddy helping me clean house and the sudden death of my mother both together just caught me off guard. I hope that I'm over it. I think that I am. I feel that I am. I will stay on guard from now on.

Thanks for all your comments.

FeelingGreat

T1234 - I have the greatest respect for you. If I got as far as actually drinking, I don't think I could stop.
You have taken this episode as a confirmation of your sobriety, and it has made you stronger. Happy Christmas.

Adillac

Sorry to hear about your loss. Can't imagine. Congrats on staying stopped. Keep it up.

foodie1

Sorry for your loss T, do you have any sober friends to be around f2f? I'm in awe of your ability to stop the drink! You obviously value yourself and your sobriety. Take care of you.

desserts

Good job stopping before it got out of hand. sorry for your loss

sunrise1

Sorry to hear of your loss. And- I'm glad that if you did drink you immediately recognized the bad idea, and took steps to make sure it didn't go further.

Make sure you have a support system and USE it. Personally- I LOVE AA for the support I have 24 hours a day 365 a year, given and received freely and with understanding from someone in the same boat.

You may find something else that works better for you. Awesome. As long as you actually USE it and don't just PLAN to use it then slack off.

Best to you and Merry Everything.

T1234

Well, it is January 05th and never crossed my mind again. I don't want to say that my error in judgment was good or needed... but, it has sort of reinforced in my mind what could have and what would have happened if I had drank more than that 4 ounces that one day.

Not interested. Just thought I'd follow-up and then say 'hi!'

Thanks.

Sasha4

I just wanted to add that I have massive amounts of respect for you.

You suffered such a loss AND you managed to stop a potential binge in its track.

You did good.
I'm not sure I could do so good.
I hope your proud of yourself.

I also think that your friend is a friend indeed. It might have been easy for him to drink with you or encourage you that a few drinks were okay, but he kept you going, he was for there for you.
I hope he stays in your life, I wish I had a friend like that.

xxxx