kmdakota1

I've been drinking now for allmost 6 years. I usually have anywhere from 4-5 glasses of wine everynight. It's controlling my life now and it's all i look forward to in the evenings after my wife and kids are in bed. My kids are beautiful, ages 17 months and 3 years old. The guilt has gotten the best of me, what would my girls think of me if they knew or understood. My wife knows I drink wine but she thinks it's only a glass or two, I wish it was! Last night i decided to only have 2 glasses. It was all i had and when that became i reality i hit the liquor cabinet and made a strong vodka and coke. It was not even close to the buzz i'm used to but it was relaxing. I went for a shower and went to bed. Slept about 2 hours in very peaceful relaxing sleep. After 2 hours I heard my wife sobbing on her side of the bed and i rolled over to her and asked her what was wrong. She said my oldest daughter was standing in the doorway and i told her no she wasn't. But i looked again and she was there. She got on the bed and I went to comfort her and got close to her she became demonic and crawled away on her hands and feet like a spider would, my wife would not look, just crying. I looked up at the ceiling then back to my wife and she wasn't there. I realized I must have just woken up or had some freakish vision while I was awake. None of it was real of course but OMG and HOLY Sh*%. I finally fell back to sleep for a bit but then got awake because I heard my wife out in the living room doing vaious things as to almost purposely wake me. Sat up in bed and she was not even at home, she was at work. I started praying to God that anything evil that may be present to leave and my skin was raised with goose bumps. I have HUGE goosebumps now just talking about it. Was something there or was this all my head playing games with me from the lack of alcohol i'm used to having in me at bedtime. I'm scared to stop now as this was the realest thing i've ever experienced. Was almost like an out of body experience, like a sedated type of surgery half in and out of conciousness with something with supernatural presence. PLEASE tell me it's just REM and it will go away. I don't drink all day long. I function just fine without it, but find myself becoming very depressed by the thought of not having it at night. Biggest side affect so far of not drinking was irritability. We went on vacation this past summer and i din't drink for 3 nights and experienced the same kind of sleeplessness but not that powerful kind of "dreams". I almost alway NEVER remeber my dreams but i remember this to the last detail, like i was supposed to see it

exauhsted

Dreams are a mystery to me I wish I could help or even understand what they mean.

I have awful dreams and scare everyone in the house with my moans. Funny how they can effect your whole day sometimes. I don’t even know how alcohol plays into it but I’m sure it does I hope someone else on here can enlighten us. Hope it gets better for you.

edited to add: I also pray alot after my dreams and try to run off the bad guys.

CharlieNoogan

Well I can't tell you whether there is a demonic presence in your home, but many, myself included, consider addiction to be the work of the devil.

What you saw was obviously part of your dream. I know that when I was drinking I rarely had dreams, or if I did I never remembered them. I'm fairly certain there is literature out there about how being intoxicated inhibits REM sleep. When I would quit drinking for a few days I too would experience insomnia and interrupted sleep. When I did fall asleep I would have very vivid dreams or nightmares that would startle me awake at times.

I am on day 11 myself and my ability to fall asleep more easily is getting better. Oddly enough, I have not been having vivid dreams this go-round. I am willing to bet that you went to bed slightly anxious because you had not had your usual dose of alcohol. That anxiety was most likely projected into your dream.

More important than analyzing your dreams, is your drinking problem. You said it is controlling your life meaning you feel powerless over alcohol. Best to stop now before any serious consequences like losing your wife and daughter result. I'd say be honest with your wife and ask for support, stop drinking or taper off the alcohol, and get yourself to AA meetings before things get out of hand.

Good luck my friend.

kmdakota1

I don't immediately feel that their is a demonic presence. there is no reason why their would be. My wife and I don't practice religion right now but both come from religious backgrounds. I also was taught that alchohol,tobacco, etc were the work of the devil and i worry about my triumph over addiction once he finds out, well, he already knows! It seems that only people who are trying to quit have experienced this type of dreaming. I am very scared now. I am not powerless over alcohol outside of my home. We can go anywhere to eat, go to any picnic where they're plenty of alcohol and I won't have a single urge, AT ALL! I only want it when i go home after work and on the evenings during the weekends. I can wake up and I don't even want it, but I count down the hours till the evening until I get it. I'm a closet drinker I guess. One sure tell sign of alcohol problems. I'm starting to have health issues, the biggest one being my stomach and constant bloat and discomfort with reflux. I'm get angry with my kids very easily and my marriage really isn't great at all but I'm not going to say that's all my fault. It was after all part of the reason I discovered the alcohol fueled buzz that put me to sleep comfortably after crying my eyes out because i just wondered when divorce would be coming. Was tired of such a cold and careless wife who had no interest in me or my touch or anything that had to do with us anymore! Then, whoops, she got pregnant and after that we really got backk onto track with our marriage for the baby. then i got laid off for a year and finally got this job I hate but pays what we need. the only thing that got me through was knowing when i got home it would all go away. While the job itself is going better, i still hate it and see huge depression coming my way when i stop drinking.

Charlienoogan, you are right about going to bed with anxiety. I was worried about getting enough sleep and also about how I was going to "pass out" while listening to the wife suck the walls in with her snoring!

paul99

You mention a lot of things here to which I relate - secretive drinking, health problems, short to anger, marital woes, job woes, depression. It's a prescription for the progression of alcoholism. I would never pronounce anyone an alcoholic, but what I can say is that looking at where you are, I was there. I was not a morning drinker. I could abstain for a few days if needed. I drank only wine. I was still in decent shape. But (and you knew there was a "but" here), it started to progress. I couldn't wait for the end of the day to get my fix, so I started having nips at work. I found my tolerance increasing, and so I switched from wine to vodka. I found I couldn't string more than 1 or 2 days alcohol free. Then I found myself drinking more, having worse sleep, feeling pain around my liver and kidneys, having worse and worse withdrawals and hangovers. Then I discovered morning drinking would help the shakes. Then is was non-stop. I blamed everyone for my drinking ("If you had my life, you would drink too" was my mantra), was annoyed all the time and had no access to my emotions other than anger.

I am not saying this will happen to you, but it certainly can happen to you. A cursory glance around these boards and reading people's stories will show you that I am far from unique. And you too. We all have a common problem.

You don't mention if you want to stop. If you do, there are programs of recovery available. AA was where I not only stopped drinking, but learned to live a life that brings me peace, joy and a feeling of usefulness. My perception and reaction to things is completely different than it was while I was drinking. It has nothing to do with putting down the bottle, because I would still be angry and upset while abstaining. But it has to do with forgiveness (mostly self-forgiveness), acceptance, desire to change, and bringing into my life a power greater than myself that would guide and direct my thinking and actions. I am useful now. I am content now. I don't have the nightmares I used to have. I don't hate my wife. I am patient with the kids. I find the good in my job.

This is my experience only. Everyone has their own.

I look forward in hearing yours