Sunnybird03

I'm two weeks sober today. Two weeks ago I got my first and hopefully my last DUI. I can't explain the guilt and shame I have felt. It's been almost unbearable. I let myself down, I let my husband down and I really could have hurt or killed someone else. I was selfish and totally irresponsible. I got my butt to AA and have been trying really hard to work my first few steps and embrace it with an open mind. Things have got to change. I can't be this person anymore.

My biggest problem right now is I'm so scared of the legal consequences that are happening because of my actions. I know it's out of my hands, and I have to just take what comes. I do have a lawyer, and he seems good. I feel like I can't fully focus on recovery because I'm a nervous wreck over losing my license, having a breathalyzer in my car, losing my job, getting kicked out of my program at school...all of these are very real possibilities. Three weeks ago I would have never pictured this happening. I knew I had a problem, but I was sure getting a DUI would never happen to me. Boy was I wrong!

Any advice on how to separate recovery and personal issues? I so baldy want alcohol out of my life and feel like I can really do it. Maybe it will all just come with time?

2granddaughters

A great subject to talk to your AA sponsor and the oldtimers about. I bet a few of them have been through it.

This too shall pass.

All the best.

Bob R

MythicalUtopia

I feel for you in your story because this could have been me, and I am so thankful that somehow it wasn't, even though it should have been more than a few times. I feel that what you are asking goes with step 3 of the Twelve Steps, and until you fully complete the first 2 with your sponsor, the Third Step, "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him" can't happen.

However, there is still prayer and talking to people who have been in a similar situation. Also the Serenity Prayer and meditation are wonderful tools to focus and put your heart in a place of healing. Your Higher Power has a plan for you so now you need to follow that path with understanding and remembering that this too shall pass. All the things you mentioned above like losing your license etc. are really getting off easy when the alternative could have been you accidently killed someone while driving drunk.

Someone once told me to hold gratitude in your heart because gratitude and resentment cannot sit together in the soul. It is one or the other

I wish you the best in this hard journey you have ahead of you, but I have faith in your strength and know that you will pull through this. One day at a time

paul99

Hi sunnybird,

That happened to me. I had a charge that is still in the court system - went to court once, and another date was needed. The next day will be approx 2 years after it happened. I had my 3 1/2 yr old boy in the backseat as I drove in a blackout. In the morning. I blew lethal amounts of booze in blood. I too am lucky I didn't harm anyone. As my mother said that day, in a rage, "I could have been burying a son and a grandson".

Grace of God I call it.

You have no power right now over what the outcomes are going to be. so, sitting in the unknown will do nothing for your recovery. Like I said, it has taken me a very long time for the legal thing to go over. I did lose my wife and son and living at home for 6 months. I had no work. I was in detox and then treatment. But here's the kicker - even after the arrest, etc. I drank ONE MORE TIME. That is how powerful the illness had a hold of me. Even after all that, I needed to drink again. And that was the last one. Pathetic, actually.

But for me I needed to fully focus on my recovery. What's the downside for you on this? You have the choice now - make those changes you want to make (i.e. work the program, hit meetings, get a sponsor, etc) or just fret and fray, just waiting for alcoholism to hit you again...and it gets worse, never better.

I totally understand where you are coming from, because I have been there. What I can tell you is that you gain nothing and perhaps lose more by focusing on the problem rather than the solution. Focus on the solution and things will change for the better. That I can promise.

Be well.

Justfor1

First off, I wouldn't worry about a first time DUI case. You will probably get a fine & some community service. Your insurance may or may not find out about it since it might not be a conviction. Having said that, I'm sure getting placed in handcuffs for the first time was traumatic. I have 3 dui's and have only had 1 day of drinking in the last 18months. I stay sober because I know if I pick up a drink I will eventually end up drunk behind the wheel.

TheEnd

What's going to happen is going to happen. At this point there is nothing you can do about it, but make sure it doesn't happen again. That means focusing on your recovery. I was in your position twice and no amount of worrying is going to fix anything or make anything better. Like you said, you will just have to take things as they come. You will become stronger from this experience, but don't ever forget about this. Embrace every moment, because you don't want to find yourself in this position again.

Gravel

When I got my dui I was really sad.

The first dui will cost you a lot of cash. if your state has a special program for first time offenders with no record like PA does then you won't do any jail time. I don't know your state nor your blood alcohol level and or if you blew for them, but it wouldn't surprise me if you had to spend a day or two in jail. But you may be able to get away from jail but like I said without details, and I'm not asking for details, it's impossible to say.

I used my dui as a catalyst to stop drinking and you can to.

Take your lumps from your state, pay your fines, and move past it and learn from it. And stop partying.

nvguy

What state are you in?

Bubovski

Don't let the legal stuff dominate you to the point of having a drink to calm down.
With alcohol there are traps everywhere. The old grog props you till it drops you:...really hard! Whats D.U.I, I come from Oz...............

Sidney14

I can relate to that I had my and am so terribly ashamed of it even stills saying it my 3rd DUI 3 years ago, I was on maternity leave mind you and that says it all..........I know the feelings of guilt shame even the fact of wanting to die and everyone would be better without me crossed my mind several times, I ended up in hospital instead like you did not stay sober and drank myself into oblivion, so I was in there for 2weeks before they transferred me over to a rehab only hickup was that it was for mothers with young children and I just had given birth three weeks prior to my DUI postnatal depression galore, women had their little ones with them and I did not, I tried to tough it out invane, and transferred myself to a Drug and Alcohol rehab centre where no children were part of it it made a huge difference, but I could not have stayed sober until the court case by myself, I needed to be safe and even going to AA was not going to help me so i admire your strength in having stayed sober with all this shame hanging over you for two weeks that is great. In early recovery letting your personal problems, be it lega , family etc overshadow your recovery is not easy, only way to do it it one day or even just one hour at a time. Luckily this is only your first DUI and you did not kill anyone. Going to rehab will look good in the judges eyes......You can do it and this too shall pass....

BruceJ

I'm sure you have a lot of anxiety over the unknown outcome but, believe it or not, you will be able to look back on this and consider it a blessing.....just not as quickly as you would like
Focusing on staying sober and changing a few things about ourselves has amazing outcomes. You'll see.
All the best.

Justfor1

sunnybird, I would like to suggest getting help with the legal stuff from a lawyer who specializes in traffic and/or dui's. I had a "slick" downtown fast talking type lawyer who helped me through the process. He was a lot of money but was worth every dollar. The criminal justice system isn't about helping the dui offender. It is about punishing the dui offender. You are not a bad person & a first time dui offender is not a huge crime.

Sunnybird03

Thanks everyone! I really appreciate all the replies. I'm in Utah and blew a .177

My lawyer is good and knows what he is doing. He is honest with me and says my biggest downfall will be how high my blood alcohol level was. I'm trying really hard to stay sober, but it's going to be a lot harder than I thought. I think about drinking a lot and as pathetic as this sounds, I'm going to miss it! Things are starting to move with the legal stuff and hopefully it won't take too long. I know sobriety is the best thing for me, it's just going to be hard.

NYCDoglvr

Do you have a sponsor? It's the biggest single thing you can do to stay sober and get through this difficult time.

Justfor1

Wow. You blew almost 2X the limit. Not sure but in my state thats more penalties. But I stand by what I said & it's not the end of the world. You will drive again & live will go on. I think some folks tend to take it too seriously. I predict 10 yrs from now there will be a strong movement against texting while driving. They will be the new "horror on the highways". Hopefully, the DUI will be a wake up call. It took 3 dui's for me but I finally woke up.

Ghostly

Not pathetic at all, and a lot of people here can relate. Hopefully things work out...Good luck.

instant

After 19 months of sobriety- I have come to realise the main challenge is maintaining open acceptance, even in the face of harsh adversity.