What are you doing for your recovery????
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I did research a little on tanf payments in Alabama. It was easier to get these payments years ago. Since one of the children is under the age of 5, it appears she would need 20 hours of work, not the 30. There was also something in there that they would use vocational training for these hours, but there was a limit on that for one year, so I wasn't sure if the schooling lasted more than one year, then she couldn't use that one, or they would limit payments to a year.
Do you think it would benefit you if you were able to talk about the stress you are going through now, perhaps that would help you with the drinking?
Do you think it would benefit you if you were able to talk about the stress you are going through now, perhaps that would help you with the drinking?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: roller coaster, AL
Posts: 297
Do you think it would benefit you if you were able to talk about the stress you are going through now, perhaps that would help you with the drinking?
That's what I'm saying..if I could just talk it all out I "think" it would be better, but who am I to say.I really think it's out of control at this point. I just don't want to admit that.
Like you said ..you did research and found out different ..I just need to know if I'm being played ,if I'm sacraficing all this ..for lies. All I have to go on is what I am told,although I did look into the TANF and found that it was 30 hours but that has been awhile back and things change daily with our government.....
Oh and the youngest is from a different dad..yea go figure that one!!!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Is the youngest receiving child support? If yes, they might not count the age of that one, then it would be 30 hours instead of the 20 hours.
Drinking each night is being out of control. I know that because I did that also. I got nothing done, except to convince myself that nothing will get better.
I'm so glad to hear that your daughter is doing so well in nursing school. How much longer before she graduates?
Drinking each night is being out of control. I know that because I did that also. I got nothing done, except to convince myself that nothing will get better.
I'm so glad to hear that your daughter is doing so well in nursing school. How much longer before she graduates?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
[/B]
edited and bolded by Trix for space
So here’s the deal if I said ok I’m working on me and I can’t work on you anymore, I’d have 4 grandchildren and a daughter on the street tonight with no place to go. I took them in and it was my decision so yes I have to honor that. I will not kick them to t
I am sacrificing my life with my husband ( who now has had to take a job driving a truck over the road). I have no car anymore because she needs it to get back and forth to school. All the extra money we have goes to gas and feeding these children. We are doing this for them.
Everything that was a part of me is nonexistent at this time I have nothing left of me and yet I am willing to give it .
I just understand that my drinking is out of control and I have to get a handle on it now before I really am no help to anyone.
Yes I ramble on in tears……It really doesn’t matter right now if you think I’m foolish or stupid or selfish I need so to release this and I know that if I can I will get where I need to be . Dear Exhausted,
No wonder you are exhausted! You have taken on quit a lot, but you love your daughter and grandchildren. Any mother who loved their child would do the same thing. Your problem is being COMPOUNDED though because of your drinking. The more you drink the more of a burden you become to your husband, daughter, and how can you take care of your grandbabies if you are drunk?
You say all your money goes to gas and food for the babies, but you are not being honest with yourself, it is also going toward a growing addiction to alcohol. That money you take for alcohol would be additional money for your household. So in some way that should start your motivation to stop.
You may think you are not helping your daughter because of your drinking, but you are allowing her to be with you instead of live in dangerous living conditions for her and her children. She is able to go to school (if I may ask what kind of school is she attending), and I suppose you watch the children. That is helping her. So give yourself credit for being a very good mother, and not being selfish.
IMOO I worry that the children could be at risk when your drinking, and that money your household could used is being wasted on your addiction.
If you were to resolve these 2 issues how would that be selfish of you with regards to your family? If you were to take stock of your addiction and get it under control and get sober that would NOT be selfish at all, it would be the one unselfish thing you and you alone could do.
I am a great believer in finding stregnth to get sober out of the love of someone or something more important to you than your drinking. Your daughter, her children, and your husband have to be that motivation.
You can only LOSE yourself if you continue on this distructive path. If you do not stop this drinking now then you SURELY will lose yourself and be of no use to anyone.
You are a loving mother, grandmother , and wife--let that love you feel for someone other than yourself be your motivation, Please. Start today, take it minute by minute, day by day and clean out your system so that alcohol will not be something your body needs any longer. You are at the tipping point of falling into the black hole, pull back before it is too late. You can do it, you have great strength in the love you have for your family.
Use this forum as a daily diary if need be , we are here for you. We do not judge, we all were where you are at one time, so we know it can be done.
We care a great deal about you and your situation, that is why this forum was started, use it---Please.:ghug3
Sincerely,
TrixMixer
Originally Posted by exauhsted 
edited and bolded by Trix for space
So here’s the deal if I said ok I’m working on me and I can’t work on you anymore, I’d have 4 grandchildren and a daughter on the street tonight with no place to go. I took them in and it was my decision so yes I have to honor that. I will not kick them to t
I am sacrificing my life with my husband ( who now has had to take a job driving a truck over the road). I have no car anymore because she needs it to get back and forth to school. All the extra money we have goes to gas and feeding these children. We are doing this for them.
Everything that was a part of me is nonexistent at this time I have nothing left of me and yet I am willing to give it .
I just understand that my drinking is out of control and I have to get a handle on it now before I really am no help to anyone.
Yes I ramble on in tears……It really doesn’t matter right now if you think I’m foolish or stupid or selfish I need so to release this and I know that if I can I will get where I need to be .
No wonder you are exhausted! You have taken on quit a lot, but you love your daughter and grandchildren. Any mother who loved their child would do the same thing. Your problem is being COMPOUNDED though because of your drinking. The more you drink the more of a burden you become to your husband, daughter, and how can you take care of your grandbabies if you are drunk?
You say all your money goes to gas and food for the babies, but you are not being honest with yourself, it is also going toward a growing addiction to alcohol. That money you take for alcohol would be additional money for your household. So in some way that should start your motivation to stop.
You may think you are not helping your daughter because of your drinking, but you are allowing her to be with you instead of live in dangerous living conditions for her and her children. She is able to go to school (if I may ask what kind of school is she attending), and I suppose you watch the children. That is helping her. So give yourself credit for being a very good mother, and not being selfish.
IMOO I worry that the children could be at risk when your drinking, and that money your household could used is being wasted on your addiction.
If you were to resolve these 2 issues how would that be selfish of you with regards to your family? If you were to take stock of your addiction and get it under control and get sober that would NOT be selfish at all, it would be the one unselfish thing you and you alone could do.
I am a great believer in finding stregnth to get sober out of the love of someone or something more important to you than your drinking. Your daughter, her children, and your husband have to be that motivation.
You can only LOSE yourself if you continue on this distructive path. If you do not stop this drinking now then you SURELY will lose yourself and be of no use to anyone.
You are a loving mother, grandmother , and wife--let that love you feel for someone other than yourself be your motivation, Please. Start today, take it minute by minute, day by day and clean out your system so that alcohol will not be something your body needs any longer. You are at the tipping point of falling into the black hole, pull back before it is too late. You can do it, you have great strength in the love you have for your family.
Use this forum as a daily diary if need be , we are here for you. We do not judge, we all were where you are at one time, so we know it can be done.
We care a great deal about you and your situation, that is why this forum was started, use it---Please.:ghug3
Sincerely,
TrixMixer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: roller coaster, AL
Posts: 297
Thank You all .I really got to go to bed now I'll be back....Just got to say I don't drink until they are down for the night with daughter but I will address money wise tommorrow.
Sorry I got to lay my head down.......
Sorry I got to lay my head down.......
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: roller coaster, AL
Posts: 297
No wonder you are exhausted! You have taken on quit a lot, but you love your daughter and grandchildren. Any mother who loved their child would do the same thing. Your problem is being COMPOUNDED though because of your drinking. The more you drink the more of a burden you become to your husband, daughter, and how can you take care of your grandbabies if you are drunk?
You are right I do feel it is compounded because of my drinking but trust me I am not a burden to anyone and I never ever drink when I am the responsible party. See I got this down pat I don’t need a drink until about 6:00pm and I can even put it off if I need to but around 6 I start needing it. I get the shakes and all kinds of anxiety. Before I go to bed I’ve had at least 5 or 6 beers every night and sometimes more depending on how late I want to stay up. But you can bet next morning I’m up and doing what needs to be done. I’m functional at this point. I just see it progressing. 5 or 6 beers may not be much to some folks and I thank God that I don’t drink the strong stuff. I also know what effect it has on ME. We all have our own tolerance level. IMO
You say all your money goes to gas and food for the babies, but you are not being honest with yourself, it is also going toward a growing addiction to alcohol. That money you take for alcohol would be additional money for your household. So in some way that should start your motivation to stop.
You are right I do know that if I took my beer money and handed it over to them they would have more gas money to run the road in my car and even go see a movie or something so this is where I suppose I am being selfish and that is a whole other realization for me at this point. I am justifying my drinking by telling myself that this is MY time this is for me when it really is the destruction of ME.
You may think you are not helping your daughter because of your drinking, but you are allowing her to be with you instead of live in dangerous living conditions for her and her children. She is able to go to school (if I may ask what kind of school is she attending), and I suppose you watch the children. That is helping her. So give yourself credit for being a very good mother, and not being selfish.
IMOO I worry that the children could be at risk when your drinking, and that money your household could used is being wasted on your addiction.
If you were to resolve these 2 issues how would that be selfish of you with regards to your family? If you were to take stock of your addiction and get it under control and get sober that would NOT be selfish at all, it would be the one unselfish thing you and you alone could do.
If you were to resolve these 2 issues how would that be selfish of you with regards to your family? If you were to take stock of your addiction and get it under control and get sober that would NOT be selfish at all, it would be the one unselfish thing you and you alone could do.
I am a great believer in finding stregnth to get sober out of the love of someone or something more important to you than your drinking. Your daughter, her children, and your husband have to be that motivation.
You can only LOSE yourself if you continue on this distructive path. If you do not stop this drinking now then you SURELY will lose yourself and be of no use to anyone.
You are a loving mother, grandmother , and wife--let that love you feel for someone other than yourself be your motivation, Please. Start today, take it minute by minute, day by day and clean out your system so that alcohol will not be something your body needs any longer. You are at the tipping point of falling into the black hole, pull back before it is too late. You can do it, you have great strength in the love you have for your family.
You can only LOSE yourself if you continue on this distructive path. If you do not stop this drinking now then you SURELY will lose yourself and be of no use to anyone.
You are a loving mother, grandmother , and wife--let that love you feel for someone other than yourself be your motivation, Please. Start today, take it minute by minute, day by day and clean out your system so that alcohol will not be something your body needs any longer. You are at the tipping point of falling into the black hole, pull back before it is too late. You can do it, you have great strength in the love you have for your family.
Use this forum as a daily diary if need be , we are here for you. We do not judge, we all were where you are at one time, so we know it can be done.
We care a great deal about you and your situation, that is why this forum was started, use it---Please.
We care a great deal about you and your situation, that is why this forum was started, use it---Please.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Dear Exhausted,
Thank you for taking the time to address some of my questions (I did not realize how invasive I was) until you broke it down for me. For that I apologize!
I assure you I only wanted to understand your situation. I must admit I had a totally different picture of you than I do now.
You have helped me understand you are a person who cares deeply about those around her and try's to FIX everything to make things better. I understand that because I am very much like that myself.Perhaps you don't need AA at all but a couselor or doctor to help you get through this without feeling so ALONE. Perhaps you are simply depressed, and with all you have on your plate, that is certainly understandable. Your doctor may be able to help you with this, even with antidepressents. You may find you do not even NEED the beer?
IMOO you are feeling very isolated and alone. You are trying to hold things together and fell you are the only one that can do this. The alcohol allows you to let go a bit, and takes away some of the heaviness you have in your quest to "make it all better".
You can come here everyday and the wonderful people here will be there for you, but I believe you need someone you trust for some one on one me time.
I am afraid for you that you will "lose yourself to alcohol" if you do not see a professional. I know your daughter has the car, but surely there must be ONE day YOU come first and make arrangement with her to work out the car thing.
May you begin to find some peace in SR and in your heart. My prayers are with youand may your family have a Wonderful Holiday season together.
May 2013 be a better year for all.:ghug3
Sincerely,
TrixMixer
Thank you for taking the time to address some of my questions (I did not realize how invasive I was) until you broke it down for me. For that I apologize!
I assure you I only wanted to understand your situation. I must admit I had a totally different picture of you than I do now.
You have helped me understand you are a person who cares deeply about those around her and try's to FIX everything to make things better. I understand that because I am very much like that myself.Perhaps you don't need AA at all but a couselor or doctor to help you get through this without feeling so ALONE. Perhaps you are simply depressed, and with all you have on your plate, that is certainly understandable. Your doctor may be able to help you with this, even with antidepressents. You may find you do not even NEED the beer?
IMOO you are feeling very isolated and alone. You are trying to hold things together and fell you are the only one that can do this. The alcohol allows you to let go a bit, and takes away some of the heaviness you have in your quest to "make it all better".
You can come here everyday and the wonderful people here will be there for you, but I believe you need someone you trust for some one on one me time.
I am afraid for you that you will "lose yourself to alcohol" if you do not see a professional. I know your daughter has the car, but surely there must be ONE day YOU come first and make arrangement with her to work out the car thing.
May you begin to find some peace in SR and in your heart. My prayers are with youand may your family have a Wonderful Holiday season together.
May 2013 be a better year for all.:ghug3
Sincerely,
TrixMixer
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: roller coaster, AL
Posts: 297
Originally Posted by TrixMixer
Dear Exhausted,
Thank you for taking the time to address some of my questions (I did not realize how invasive I was) until you broke it down for me. For that I apologize!
I assure you I only wanted to understand your situation. I must admit I had a totally different picture of you than I do now.
You have helped me understand you are a person who cares deeply about those around her and try's to FIX everything to make things better. I understand that because I am very much like that myself.Perhaps you don't need AA at all but a couselor or doctor to help you get through this without feeling so ALONE. Perhaps you are simply depressed, and with all you have on your plate, that is certainly understandable. Your doctor may be able to help you with this, even with antidepressents. You may find you do not even NEED the beer?
IMOO you are feeling very isolated and alone. You are trying to hold things together and fell you are the only one that can do this. The alcohol allows you to let go a bit, and takes away some of the heaviness you have in your quest to "make it all better".
You can come here everyday and the wonderful people here will be there for you, but I believe you need someone you trust for some one on one me time.
I am afraid for you that you will "lose yourself to alcohol" if you do not see a professional. I know your daughter has the car, but surely there must be ONE day YOU come first and make arrangement with her to work out the car thing.
May you begin to find some peace in SR and in your heart. My prayers are with youand may your family have a Wonderful Holiday season together.
May 2013 be a better year for all.:ghug3
Sincerely,
TrixMixer
Thank you for taking the time to address some of my questions (I did not realize how invasive I was) until you broke it down for me. For that I apologize!
I assure you I only wanted to understand your situation. I must admit I had a totally different picture of you than I do now.
You have helped me understand you are a person who cares deeply about those around her and try's to FIX everything to make things better. I understand that because I am very much like that myself.Perhaps you don't need AA at all but a couselor or doctor to help you get through this without feeling so ALONE. Perhaps you are simply depressed, and with all you have on your plate, that is certainly understandable. Your doctor may be able to help you with this, even with antidepressents. You may find you do not even NEED the beer?
IMOO you are feeling very isolated and alone. You are trying to hold things together and fell you are the only one that can do this. The alcohol allows you to let go a bit, and takes away some of the heaviness you have in your quest to "make it all better".
You can come here everyday and the wonderful people here will be there for you, but I believe you need someone you trust for some one on one me time.
I am afraid for you that you will "lose yourself to alcohol" if you do not see a professional. I know your daughter has the car, but surely there must be ONE day YOU come first and make arrangement with her to work out the car thing.
May you begin to find some peace in SR and in your heart. My prayers are with youand may your family have a Wonderful Holiday season together.
May 2013 be a better year for all.:ghug3
Sincerely,
TrixMixer
I am so looking forward to a new year and hoping I have the courage to start anew.
Working it all out in my head now to begin with a better begining. *sigh*
Not invasive at all I think that's what I need,not feeling it invasive but just caring..Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Exaushted,
I want to tell you a little bit about me. You see, even though I can understand what you are going through, we aren't or didn't go through the same thing. We do have two things in common though. The wanting to fix things and make things better, and the progression of alcoholism.
First --- the wanting to fix things part...... I was in an abusive relationship, there was no way to fix that, but I tried and tried for years. You see, my ex is an alcoholic, but I am pretty sure he also has bipolar. I was seeing some of this in my son also. So I think for at least the last 8 years before I left, that I was just trying to get my ex to see this, so that I could help my son. Figured if I could get my ex to see that he had a problem, then if my son did need any mental health attention, he would find it easier to go to get the help. So the main reason I stayed in an abusive relationship was to try to help my son.
What happened to me....... Well the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, so to speak..... My father was an alcoholic...... (guess I had that gene in me, but also will not blame my dad, it was me) I couldn't cope or deal with the relationship that I was in, and I started to drink, (not that I didn't drink before) but now I was drinking lots. I couldn't deal with the situation I was in, very shortened version, he was extremely verbal and emotionally abusive, would run away from home for up to 2 - 3 months at a time, was also on occassion physically abusive.
So I started to drink daily. At first it was only 4 beers a day, then 6, then 10, and sometimes as much as 18. This was everyday. Did it do anything? or solve anything?
No, it didn't, I was getting as bad as he was. Was it helping my son? No, now he had 2 drunk parents.
Even after I left my ex, I still drank. It was easy to do. I moved into a house that my friends owned that would be their primary home in 2 years. I was alone almost all the time. I did take care of their father for them, but that was during the day.
I would go back to their house after taking care of their father, and all of my past demons would surface again, and I would drink. Who would know? I was alone. No one to watch me, can't say that they wouldn't care, they did. But I lied and lied, and didn't drink a lot in front of them. They only came up on the weekends then.
Then they finally did move up permenantly. So, oh wow, what was I to do now? I was forced to moderate, but also found ways of sneaking an extra case of beer into my room, when they weren't home, so that I could have my own stash.
Then my divorce went through, and I got 50% of the assets and alimony. I bought my own house. Guess what? Now I didn't have to hide my beer anymore, except for when I had visitors.
Can you see how it progresses?
I left a lot out, but this is your thread.
You did a really good thing for your daughter. You are feeling overwhelmed, and I can really understand that. You are numbing yourself each night to get rid of that feeling, and trying to just connect to yourself. Understand that also. I also needed my "me" time. I was using that "me" time every single day. I was having my pity party, every single day. I wasn't doing anything at all to enjoy life. I was counting seconds, and minutes to when I could return to the "pity party" of my own making.
I later found out, once I put down the beer, that the best times of my life, was the things that I was doing prior to picking up that beer. It was the things that I was trying to escape from and counting the minutes till I could return to my own private hell.
I loved taking care of my friends father, I loved when my friends came up for the weekend, I loved doing things with them, and their son who has autism. I was destroying all of that. I was making up excuses for not doing the things that I enjoyed the most, so that I could drink.
And what did that do for me? I was making myself miserable !!!!!! That's all it did....
I want to tell you a little bit about me. You see, even though I can understand what you are going through, we aren't or didn't go through the same thing. We do have two things in common though. The wanting to fix things and make things better, and the progression of alcoholism.
First --- the wanting to fix things part...... I was in an abusive relationship, there was no way to fix that, but I tried and tried for years. You see, my ex is an alcoholic, but I am pretty sure he also has bipolar. I was seeing some of this in my son also. So I think for at least the last 8 years before I left, that I was just trying to get my ex to see this, so that I could help my son. Figured if I could get my ex to see that he had a problem, then if my son did need any mental health attention, he would find it easier to go to get the help. So the main reason I stayed in an abusive relationship was to try to help my son.
What happened to me....... Well the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, so to speak..... My father was an alcoholic...... (guess I had that gene in me, but also will not blame my dad, it was me) I couldn't cope or deal with the relationship that I was in, and I started to drink, (not that I didn't drink before) but now I was drinking lots. I couldn't deal with the situation I was in, very shortened version, he was extremely verbal and emotionally abusive, would run away from home for up to 2 - 3 months at a time, was also on occassion physically abusive.
So I started to drink daily. At first it was only 4 beers a day, then 6, then 10, and sometimes as much as 18. This was everyday. Did it do anything? or solve anything?
No, it didn't, I was getting as bad as he was. Was it helping my son? No, now he had 2 drunk parents.
Even after I left my ex, I still drank. It was easy to do. I moved into a house that my friends owned that would be their primary home in 2 years. I was alone almost all the time. I did take care of their father for them, but that was during the day.
I would go back to their house after taking care of their father, and all of my past demons would surface again, and I would drink. Who would know? I was alone. No one to watch me, can't say that they wouldn't care, they did. But I lied and lied, and didn't drink a lot in front of them. They only came up on the weekends then.
Then they finally did move up permenantly. So, oh wow, what was I to do now? I was forced to moderate, but also found ways of sneaking an extra case of beer into my room, when they weren't home, so that I could have my own stash.
Then my divorce went through, and I got 50% of the assets and alimony. I bought my own house. Guess what? Now I didn't have to hide my beer anymore, except for when I had visitors.
Can you see how it progresses?
I left a lot out, but this is your thread.
You did a really good thing for your daughter. You are feeling overwhelmed, and I can really understand that. You are numbing yourself each night to get rid of that feeling, and trying to just connect to yourself. Understand that also. I also needed my "me" time. I was using that "me" time every single day. I was having my pity party, every single day. I wasn't doing anything at all to enjoy life. I was counting seconds, and minutes to when I could return to the "pity party" of my own making.
I later found out, once I put down the beer, that the best times of my life, was the things that I was doing prior to picking up that beer. It was the things that I was trying to escape from and counting the minutes till I could return to my own private hell.
I loved taking care of my friends father, I loved when my friends came up for the weekend, I loved doing things with them, and their son who has autism. I was destroying all of that. I was making up excuses for not doing the things that I enjoyed the most, so that I could drink.
And what did that do for me? I was making myself miserable !!!!!! That's all it did....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Levittown, NY
Posts: 3
What am I doing for my recovery? I've honestly been doing the absolute bare minimum; not swallowing alcohol. I've not had a drink since 8/31/2001, went to meetings regualrly until 2005. Then I guess I saw myself as "cured"
Guess what? Lately it's been pretty f**king awful. I started hitting meetings again 2 days ago. Why" Because I know I'm still an alcoholic? How do I know that? Because I don't think about having as beer or a glass of wine with dinner. I want to be obliterated, 'faced, falling down puking passed out wasted.
I'm Tom. I'm an alcoholic. And I still need this program.
Guess what? Lately it's been pretty f**king awful. I started hitting meetings again 2 days ago. Why" Because I know I'm still an alcoholic? How do I know that? Because I don't think about having as beer or a glass of wine with dinner. I want to be obliterated, 'faced, falling down puking passed out wasted.
I'm Tom. I'm an alcoholic. And I still need this program.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Originally Posted by BrotherThomas
What am I doing for my recovery? I've honestly been doing the absolute bare minimum; not swallowing alcohol. I've not had a drink since 8/31/2001, went to meetings regualrly until 2005. Then I guess I saw myself as "cured"
Guess what? Lately it's been pretty f**king awful. I started hitting meetings again 2 days ago. Why" Because I know I'm still an alcoholic? How do I know that? Because I don't think about having as beer or a glass of wine with dinner. I want to be obliterated, 'faced, falling down puking passed out wasted.
I'm Tom. I'm an alcoholic. And I still need this program.
Guess what? Lately it's been pretty f**king awful. I started hitting meetings again 2 days ago. Why" Because I know I'm still an alcoholic? How do I know that? Because I don't think about having as beer or a glass of wine with dinner. I want to be obliterated, 'faced, falling down puking passed out wasted.
I'm Tom. I'm an alcoholic. And I still need this program.
Your post scared the ---- out of me.? I have been sober since 87 and I just assumed that I had cleared the hurdle of needing to get obliterated.
Have you been sober from 2001 to 2005 and been drinking now for 8 years or
Have you been sober since 2001 and sober 12 years and all of a sudden you got this urge to drink again? Something must have triggered this need to drink again? yeah "cured" isn't a word we alcoholics can use, and your situation proves it.
Hope you have come here before you take that first drink.....and if you already have" Welcome back", and let's give it one more try.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Levittown, NY
Posts: 3
TrixMixer...
I've been sober since 2001 but haven't gone to meetings since 2005/Lots of external factors, life and job upheavals going on.
Stepping back into meetings. I've a helluva lot more to lose now than I did in 2001.
Stepping back into meetings. I've a helluva lot more to lose now than I did in 2001.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: roller coaster, AL
Posts: 297
I want to tell you a little bit about me. You see, even though I can understand what you are going through, we aren't or didn't go through the same thing. We do have two things in common though. The wanting to fix things and make things better, and the progression of alcoholism.
First --- the wanting to fix things part...... I was in an abusive relationship, there was no way to fix that, but I tried and tried for years. You see, my ex is an alcoholic, but I am pretty sure he also has bipolar. I was seeing some of this in my son also. So I think for at least the last 8 years before I left, that I was just trying to get my ex to see this, so that I could help my son. Figured if I could get my ex to see that he had a problem, then if my son did need any mental health attention, he would find it easier to go to get the help. So the main reason I stayed in an abusive relationship was to try to help my son.
I get this totally even though I myself am not in an abusive relationship my daughter was and stayed for a lot of the same reasons..the kids were her concern and had I known what all she was going through I may have opened the door years ago…but then I wouldn’t have my beautiful Granddaughter so there ya go all things happen for a reason(I think)
What happened to me....... Well the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree, so to speak..... My father was an alcoholic...... (guess I had that gene in me, but also will not blame my dad, it was me) I couldn't cope or deal with the relationship that I was in, and I started to drink, (not that I didn't drink before) but now I was drinking lots. I couldn't deal with the situation I was in, very shortened version, he was extremely verbal and emotionally abusive, would run away from home for up to 2 - 3 months at a time, was also on occassion physically abusive.
So I started to drink daily. At first it was only 4 beers a day, then 6, then 10, and sometimes as much as 18. This was everyday. Did it do anything? or solve anything?
No, it didn't, I was getting as bad as he was. Was it helping my son? No, now he had 2 drunk parents.
So I started to drink daily. At first it was only 4 beers a day, then 6, then 10, and sometimes as much as 18. This was everyday. Did it do anything? or solve anything?
No, it didn't, I was getting as bad as he was. Was it helping my son? No, now he had 2 drunk parents.
Even after I left my ex, I still drank. It was easy to do. I moved into a house that my friends owned that would be their primary home in 2 years. I was alone almost all the time. I did take care of their father for them, but that was during the day.
I would go back to their house after taking care of their father, and all of my past demons would surface again, and I would drink. Who would know? I was alone. No one to watch me, can't say that they wouldn't care, they did. But I lied and lied, and didn't drink a lot in front of them. They only came up on the weekends then.
Then they finally did move up permenantly. So, oh wow, what was I to do now? I was forced to moderate, but also found ways of sneaking an extra case of beer into my room, when they weren't home, so that I could have my own stash.
I would go back to their house after taking care of their father, and all of my past demons would surface again, and I would drink. Who would know? I was alone. No one to watch me, can't say that they wouldn't care, they did. But I lied and lied, and didn't drink a lot in front of them. They only came up on the weekends then.
Then they finally did move up permenantly. So, oh wow, what was I to do now? I was forced to moderate, but also found ways of sneaking an extra case of beer into my room, when they weren't home, so that I could have my own stash.
Then my divorce went through, and I got 50% of the assets and alimony. I bought my own house. Guess what? Now I didn't have to hide my beer anymore, except for when I had visitors.
Can you see how it progresses?
Can you see how it progresses?
I so absolutely see the progression…..got it get it…..just can’t FIX it!!!
I left a lot out, but this is your thread.
You did a really good thing for your daughter. You are feeling overwhelmed, and I can really understand that. You are numbing yourself each night to get rid of that feeling, and trying to just connect to yourself. Understand that also. I also needed my "me" time. I was using that "me" time every single day. I was having my pity party, every single day. I wasn't doing anything at all to enjoy life. I was counting seconds, and minutes to when I could return to the "pity party" of my own making.
You did a really good thing for your daughter. You are feeling overwhelmed, and I can really understand that. You are numbing yourself each night to get rid of that feeling, and trying to just connect to yourself. Understand that also. I also needed my "me" time. I was using that "me" time every single day. I was having my pity party, every single day. I wasn't doing anything at all to enjoy life. I was counting seconds, and minutes to when I could return to the "pity party" of my own making.
I later found out, once I put down the beer, that the best times of my life, was the things that I was doing prior to picking up that beer. It was the things that I was trying to escape from and counting the minutes till I could return to my own private hell.
I loved taking care of my friends father, I loved when my friends came up for the weekend, I loved doing things with them, and their son who has autism. I was destroying all of that. I was making up excuses for not doing the things that I enjoyed the most, so that I could drink.
And what did that do for me? I was making myself miserable !!!!!! That's all it did…
I loved taking care of my friends father, I loved when my friends came up for the weekend, I loved doing things with them, and their son who has autism. I was destroying all of that. I was making up excuses for not doing the things that I enjoyed the most, so that I could drink.
And what did that do for me? I was making myself miserable !!!!!! That's all it did…
Love You for this one………..excuses excuses excuses ..I got a million.
I get it so why am I still here…LOL
9.11.10 I started Living
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Clark
Posts: 54
Originally Posted by 2granddaughters
I'll tell you exactly what I did. I went to AA a broken, hopeless, helpless confused drunk and I asked one of the oldtimers to help me.
I grabbed his shirttails and followed him out of the mire in my mind. I did not question.. I followed.
As time went by I began to heal and I kept going to meetings because that is what the good oldtimers were doing. I wanted what they had !!
Bob R
I grabbed his shirttails and followed him out of the mire in my mind. I did not question.. I followed.
As time went by I began to heal and I kept going to meetings because that is what the good oldtimers were doing. I wanted what they had !!
Bob R
We cannot keep what we have without giving away. 
To answer your question TS...I WORK the steps.
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