Sick of being an Alcoholic
 

I'm so tired of drinking. I love the feeling it gives me but when I'm sober, I think about my health risks and it doesn't seem to bother me, which is why I am really worried, that just the thought of getting health issues doesn't make me stop. I made it 11 days - December 2nd - December 13th, but I've been drinking every night since then. I feel like a failure. I wish I never tried alcohol.

Im sick of being an alcoholic/addict too Dean!

But I have to accept and embrace the reality in my life that im always gonna be.

Sure Id love to walk away and never have to think about drinkin or sobriety again, but thats the surest way for me to end up drunk or high again and I cannot accept that result.

At least we have all these great people to go on this journey with.

What are you doing for your recovery?

I keep trying to stop but everytime I think about beer, I try and try to stop myself from drinking and then I say "one more night won't hurt" yet it keeps going on and on like this.

Nothing changes if nothing changes. In order to stop you must come up with a plan. Your will to stop has to be bigger than your will to drink.

I found myself doing this for a long time. It really came down to me wanting to be sober more than I wanted to have that first drink, and knowing that I couldn't do it alone and seeking help.

*reply sent from the NEW app for iPad/ Iphone*

I had a plan, and I made it 11 days sober until temptation over took me. I know many people deal with the same exact thing and it's up to me to be successful. There aren't any AA meetings around my area, I just need better self control.

If you're an alcoholic, self control won't do much for very long, unfortunately. If self control were the answer, there wouldn't be any programs of recovery out there. Temptation, obsession of the mind, alcoholism...will always win out. It has the very powerful tools of justification and rationalization at it's fingertips and has fear, resentment and self-will as fuel. These things we can't escape. I could not do it on my own. My own best plans and best thinking got me arrested, kicked out of my house, into hospitals and then into detox and then into treatment. That was me at my utmost peak of effectiveness! :)

I was exactly the same. I would sit with a bottle of vodka next to my computer while I Googled "alcoholic deaths" and "effects of alcohol on body" and watch horrific pictures and tragic stories and medical catastrophes and still pounded the stuff back. We don't "scare straight" very well, do we?

Check if there are any outlying AA meetings, as you said there aren't any in your immediate area - may be a bit of a trek perhaps, but it can save your life. Time and gas never stopped me from getting my booze...so why should it stop me from getting sober?

I hope you find what you seek :)