DKFS

Hi everybody, I just found this forum and have been looking around. I am an alcoholic, and have been for about 27 years now. I started drinking when I was 14 years old, and I'm now 41. I started drinking only beer when I was 14, my father was an alcoholic and he treated alcohol like our bond, we would drink together pretty much every single night and thats why we were close. We always got along. When I turned 18, I started drinking a 12 pack a day, until I hit about 25, and I went to around 18, and now I drink close to a 30 pack every single day. I've gone to the doctor to find out how bad my liver was and they said it's one of the best ones they've seen with my history of drinking. They said I only show a little damage, but they said I must be doing something right, I told them I eat every night before and after I drink and they said that is a major factor why my liver isn't that bad. I am wanting to quit but I've grown up with it and don't know any other way of life. I have been drunk literally almost every night for the last 27 years. I am married with 6 children and they are all teenagers. My wife doesn't care if I drink because she knows I control myself, now I'm sure she cares about my health. With the doctors telling me my liver isn't too bad, it makes me feel like I can continue doing it but I know my luck will run out.

Hevyn

Welcome to the family DKFS. I'm glad you're taking a look at what alcohol could do to your health down the road.

I drank like you when I was your age. I went on for over 10 more years, though - and by the time I quit I did have very scary health issues and other problems. Alcoholism is a progressive disease. Bad things will happen if nothing changes. We are glad you're here - this is a great place to talk about your concerns and figure things out.

DKFS

I appreciate your support. I mean't to post this in the "Alcoholism" section so if a mod wants to move it, that'd be great. I am very thankful that my health is not as bad as it could be. I find it as an excuse to drink which I definitely do not want, but I find it very very hard to lay my head down at night without being drunk.

Hevyn

I completely understand. I could never imagine my life without it, either. I'm glad you have an open mind about this - you can avoid so much pain down the line.

Dee74

hi DFKS
I moved the thread for you

I don't care if you're Superman, drinking a 30 pack a day year in year out is going to have some repercussions sooner or later...

If (a big if) your liver continues to hold out, maybe it won't be your liver - but maybe it'll be diabetes or arthritis or high blood pressure leading to strokes or heart attacks...or brain deterioration like wet brain...chronic anxiety and depression conditions...or any number of the other health issues heavy drinking can contribute to...

maybe it will just be a drink related accident....

or maybe like a lot of us, you'll just start to feel the damage you're doing to your spirit.

I think maybe you need a doctor more versed in addiction?

I know after after 27 years you must feel terrified of change...but it is possible...and it is worthwhile

I drank for 20 years - I got my joy of life and my hope back...I know you can too DKFS.

There's a ton of support here.

D

sugarbear1

You have a tolerance that is growing and your liver isn't your only organ that can be damaged.....brain neurons, etc are all involved!

Are you ready to stop?

DKFS

Yes I feel the spirit damage for sure. I want to quit drinking but I always give in and it's very hard for me, I know I will die sooner than later if I keep it up but even that thought does not make me stop. Thanks for the support!

Caldus

DKFS,

I may not have as much drinking years in as you have, but I completely understand every word you're saying. Only an alcoholic would think "well I'm not that bad, I can just keep going right?" I completely get what you're saying there. I think the same thing all the time.

It sounds like you recognize that your spirits are being damaged by your drinking habit. The only thing that has kept me from taking a drink at this point is getting involved in AA. It's a miracle that I have been sober this long. Maybe AA is the solution for you as well. You should go online and search for a meeting nearby you. Check it out and see what you think.

wes1

Could have paid for much of your 6 children's college education by saving and investing the money you spent on beer. I'm guessing you have spent over $175,000 on beer in the last 27 years. I've been right where you are. I made a major change when I realized I was being a terrible husband and father. It's cool to drink all day and be able to control it and not have health issues. How many opportunities are you missing to make a difference in your children's life because you are drunk all day, every day? You ready to leave your kids without a father and wife alone to raise them?

DKFS

You have put me in tears reading this and I understand every word your telling me. I just want to say I make about 4,000 a month and my habit costs me around $450 a month. It's alot of money that could be put to something better. I spent alot of time with my children so I don't want you to think that I am neglecting them for my drinking. 2 of my children are drinkers. Both are over 18, but I have told them that it's not a good path and they chose to drink.

coraltint

I couldn't imagine life without either, DK. I started drinking at 14, alcoholically by 16. Found my way behind the bar by 19, and then hit it hard for 15 years. So my ENTIRE adult life was immersed in alcohol.

Things started going wrong for me earlier than you....but we both got away with literally decades of abusing our livers & brains without overtly physically hurting anyone and holding jobs & raising kids, if I follow your story right. There's no way that you can drink that much for that long without watching a few of your drinking buddies go into the ditch, right? So let's just concede the fact that we've been VERY lucky. That luck can't hold forever. You sound like you know this....and you also sound a little nervous that a few attempts to slow down or stop didn't go very well.

You can stop before things start going really badly, and there is a rewarding, fun, useful life waiting for you on the other side of stopping. I am living proof of both. I have no reason to try to snow you....I will probably never meet you face to face. Something in your post just reminded me of how I felt when I was reaching out for help....like, "Is there really any point to life without booze/drugs?" Seriously!! If that's all you've known your whole life, it's a valid question.

You will have to follow the suggestions of some people who have done it before, but they aren't complicated suggestions. They do require some surrender.

I wish you well, man...welcome to a new way of life.

DKFS

Thank you for this useful post. You're right 100% but my body is so used to drinking and I am deathly afraid of withdrawful, and that's another reason why I don't want to stop, but I know if I don't stop, it will be death for me. You mentioned that drinking buddies ending up in the ditches, and your right, I have had alot of friends who ended up killed driving drunk, I for one have driven drunk only a few times in my younger days, I would never be able to live with myself if I killed someone because of my decisions. I always call a friend or a cab, or drink at home. I haven't had to deal with serious issues involving my drinking which is why I keep drinking and don't look at the BIG issue here, but I am coming to the point in my life where I want to quit and I realize what will happen if I don't.

wes1

Stopping the cycle of drinking all day, every day was the single most difficult thing I have ever done. I've been where you are and will be praying for you. When you decide to stop, please see a doctor.

DKFS

Thank you. I appreciate you praying for me, I need that alot. I have seen a doctor and they tell me I've done some damage to my liver but not much.

DeanChev

I'm only 20 years old and I completely feel where you're coming from. I too have been drinking for years. I started when I was 14 as well. I don't drink as much as you do, but that doesn't matter. I was 11 days sober a week ago, until I gave in and drank. I have been drunk now for a few days every night and I want tor quit for good but find it hard like you. Things keep coming up that trigger my drinking sensor. I wish you the best of luck and I'll pray for you as I hope you'll pray for me.