Cellardweller

Hey everybody,

I'm here because I have a lot going on in my head. I just moved back across the country to a new job and have found that my drinking has increased, a lot.

Let me backtrack a little first. It started when I had some relationship issues a few years ago. It was ugly, for me. I drank a lot and was angry, I also drank at work, where I could get as much free alcohol as I wanted.

I started to lose sleep and got a bit depressed, the drinking stepped up to more regular occasions. I had taken on a third shift position, so a few (3-5) beers were "ok" to get to sleep after work if the sun came up.

I needed to get away so I found a job across the country. Back on first shift, a change of scenery, and being active ALL the time kept me occupied. I loved it (well, except my job), healthy and positive friends who would go outdoors on the weekends instead of the bars.

Feeling unfulfilled professionally, I wrested with some job offers from my old employer. Finally, I bit. Lots of responsibility, a new position, better pay. Great right? Well, since coming back, I've felt a little uncomfortable with my relationship with alcohol. I drink quite a bit, and binge drink too. If I get silly at the bar at work, my coworkers love it, and encourage it. I'm horrified the next day and wonder what I've done.

I love the industry I'm in, and my long term goal the past six years involves me owning my own business in that industry. But, I have some control issues with the product the industry makes. I've come to realize that most of my friends are really just drinking buddies. I'd rather talk about cycling and climbing, but I can't with them. Looking back, the only thing alcohol has given me is a job.

So, I guess it bothers me because my career is taking me into a place that might not be the best for me. I have issues with control or even going without for a few days, and even though I feel better without it, it provides a nice blanket to throw over whatever situation I might be facing. I want to be rid of it, but my living is tied up in it. Any thoughts?

I'm going to try a month without, then go from there. I've done it once and I can do it again. Maybe I'm overreacting a little?

regeneration

Hello Cellardweller, I don't think you're over-reacting, you took some time away and worked somewhere else and had a look at your drinking and realised it wasn't healthy for you.

I did the same, used alcohol after a break-up, a bereavement, stress at work, then realised I was drinking too much so stopped. I've also turned down interviews in the drinks industry as thought I just couldn't do it.

Do you think you could stop for a few months and see how you feel? I realise you are saying a month, just a suggestion as you're saying you feel better without it, and from my experience this feeling of "feeling better" goes up the longer alcohol is away. A few months gives you that time to break habits or addictions (I find).

You will probably need to get out of the industry you are in though, as if you're surrounded by people who encourage you to drink it won't help. I always knew my drinking was affecting me psychologically but as I was surrounded by big drinkers I kidded myself that maybe booze wasn't my problem. It was only with distance and getting new interests/friends I realised how entrenched and problematic my drinking had become.

Is it possible for you to work somewhere else or start thinking about it, or go back to the place where you could meet people who do cycling/climbing? It just really helped me to make changes.

[EDIT] I meant to add, when I first made changes I was really scared and fed-up as I thought "there goes all my friends, I'm really lonely etc". 8 months on though, it doesn't feel like that. I've made new friends, and I've re-connected with some of the old friends, I just don't do the big binges or stay out with them until 3am anymore (it's not even that I want to drink while around them doing it, it's just really boring). Some of my old friends are now supportive of my sobriety, which surprised me.

I think you'll enjoy being sober.

paul99

Welcome cellardweller!

If you reread your post, I don't see where you are overreacting.

From what you say, you have tried moving, you are unfulfilled in many areas of your life, your friends aren't real friends, you are feeling depressed, the drinking has increased quite a bit, you're uncomfortable with your relationship with booze, you have lots of regret, you have control issues and you use it as a panacea.

So where is the overreaction there?

I too work in an industry that has free flowing booze. And for an alcoholic like me, that was just a lovely thing. So I understand what you mean by having it all around you...and in industries like mine and yours (I am only guessing by your username what you do) there is a culture of over doing it. I know a lot of people in my industry who are sober, and it doesn't bother them being surrounded by alcohol or even handle / use it. I am in that category.

So it can be done and it does happen.

But if you are planning to stop for good and for all (you mention only a month), and alcohol is the sole product where you work and that is the focus of your job...well, then you might have some hard and heavy soul searching to do. What is more important? Your sobriety and life or your job?

It's an easy answer for me

Cellardweller

Thank you for the replies. I guess what is hard for me is thinking about the future. I've had this idea of where my life is headed but the thought of always having to limit myself, always, doesn't seem right. You can exercise till you drop and it (can) be good for you, read till your eyes fall out, or work on something productive, and those can all bring good things. With drinking, I always have to watch myself.

I guess what worries me is that I feel like I can't persue some of my goals if I give it up. There's a lot of pressure in the industry to drink. For instance, I just got back from being out of state to do some inspections, our supplier took us out...to drink. What would it be like, especially for the business, if I said "No thanks" and had a soda. Can you do that? Of course, but would that change your client/customer's experience? Could I continue without drinking? Probably, but I'll need to put up with all of the stuff I mentioned before. Is it worth that? I guess I'll need to do that deep thinking.

Dee74

Hi cellardweller

what would it be like if 5, ten, years from now you keep drinking, things get worse and you got known as one of those unreliable drunk guys?

Forget about maybes - that's a job killer for sure.

I lost two careers because I didn't want to be different...but I was...I just couldn't accept it.

Happier

I am glad you are here and also think you are not over reacting. It is smart to take stock of a situation and to investigate it sooner rather than later. The one month abstinence idea is a good one. It may help you better access your situation. Keep in mind though that lots of us can go a month or many months but it doesn't mean that we are "ok to drink". Certainly doesn't in my case anyway.

Hey, also check out the "Fitness, Health, and Nutrition" forum. There are a lot of us cyclists in there. Lots of other fun workout discussions too. : )

Cellardweller

Well, here's an update: the 30 days didn't go through.

I was doing good for about a week, then the holidays came. Pretty weak excuse to drink, right? Well, it is a little stressful, at least that's what I tell myself. My mom drinks a lot of wine and she's drinking more because of all the family in town. Christmas rolls around and I'm four beers in before company comes over at 2pm. I go up and take a nap on the couch while they play games and drink. Evening come around and I can't stop thinking about some things, so I take a whisky and ginger.

Things don't seem so bad after a few, but I KNOW it's not the answer. I'm still at home with my parents, even though I probably make as much or more than they do. My health is important to me but I'm losing a year and a half of progress. I want to go back and climb with my friends, but I'm working 60 hours a week at a place that makes my vice.

Here's my situation:

Living with the parents till I find a place I like. They are good people and let me stay while I find my way. I tried moving in to a place that looked great but it turned out to be a scam. I'm out $1,200, the guy is on the run. He got a bunch of other people too. Work is stressful, but I know I could say screw it and just move again. I'm happiest there but turn into a jerk when I get home; dealing with a buzzed mom, constant company for the holidays. There's stress from work, trying to figure out what the heck I'm doing with my life, all that.