Justfor1

I sometimes wonder why I feel this way. I have very little compassion for others (except for maybe kids). I feel as if society, family, friends ect... kicked me when I was down. It is very hard for me to have compassion for others. People say I should be grateful I'm not blind, have cancer or no legs. But I'm not. I do not care about others with deadly diseases. I do not care about people I might of injured while driving drunk. Out of everything I have lost in addiction, my compassion for others is probably the biggest. I never use to be this way. I've been told that depression (especially in males) can come across as anger or aggression & believe this may be the case?

tomsteve

it may be depression, but for me it was selfish and self centered.

Justfor1

It's probably true also. I'm self centered. The 12&12 talks about depression being "pride in reverse" I think. Hopefully, the fact that I'm admitting these faults means that I can change them.

tomsteve

yer acknowledging theres a problem instead of denying it, so thats a great start. yes you can change them. i think i could start an arguement about who was the center of the universe, but it really was me!

MIRecovery

It was by helping others that I started to care about others

bbthumper

Agreed. I gained a lot of compassion back through 12th step work. I find I genuinely care and love the men I sponsor. Ive found that those feelings branch out to other areas of my life as well.

wheresthefun

Ever hear of antisocial personality disorder?

sugarbear1

sounds like untreated alcoholism to me

MythOfSisyphus

Depression and hostility are the flip sides of the same coin. Depression often manifests itself in bursts of intense, uncontrollable anger. Most of the time it seems to be directed at those you're the closest to.

In addition to being a drunk I seem to continually get hooked up with with damaged women. I have this internal need to fix stuff, probably to avoid fixing myself. It's really amazing the radar people have for finding people with the appropriate problems.

DoubleBarrel

Empathy is a learned process. People who aren't shown it as small children can have many issues, and be sociopathic.
The fact that you are mentioning it means you have a chance to get better. Alcoholism masquerades as many other illnesses, and true sociopaths aren't self examining, because they truly don't care.

instant

Is raises the issue of what do you care about. I had got to the stage where each day was a battle even though I was working and fulfilling some of my personal and family responsibilities. I was full of various resentments and was collecting injustices, focusing on what was not right etc.

It is possible to move beyond it. I am of the view that depression can be used to avoid the need for self examination and committing to personal action, and reform. People want a pill or an expert to fix them.

paul99

I don't feel that you've lost your compassion - it's just been displaced with anger. Very difficult for love and compassion to live in the same space as anger. It's one of those things where you ask which one are you giving attention to? Untreated alcoholism - the removal of the alcohol but not addressing the causes and conditions that compels us to drink - tends to look like this. I never really cared much for others either - I could take or leave (mostly leave) most people in my life. Never mind strangers. That was because I was always thinking of ME, and how I was getting screwed over by everyone and why didn't people take ME seriously? Hard to feel love for others when I was in the place.

It wasn't until I started working the steps and seeing things in a different light that my persecution complexes and my negativity and dislike for all things not me started to lift. And that got me into working and helping others. And that got me further out of myself.

Yeah, it could be depression. I am not a doctor. All I can say about my own experience is that after trying 4 different kinds of anti-depressants while in my drinking years, and taking anti-anxiety meds, that once I got sober, I didn't need them any more. No harm in getting checked out.

But the fact that you have posted about this - that's fantastic. There is a self-awareness there and a reaching out about it. That is a great step.

Elisabeth888

I was going to say selfish also.

Maybe try volunteering. Helping others will help with compassion I think.

Justfor1

I think you may be right. I plan on helping out at the local shelter with one of my AA friends.

choublak

Oh god I hope I don't have that.

2granddaughters

I found this page in Chuck C.'s book "A new Pair of Glasses". It made sense to me and perhaps will shed some light on your thread ......






All the best.

Bob R

Kevah

In working through my program of recovery, I learned that I am very judgemental. I had no pity on people. As far as I was concerned, everyone was a blooming idiot except me. I didn't see it as a toxic way of thinking until I began to change. I thought I was a good person, but really, I wasn't. And it wasn't the alcohol speaking. That was merely a side effect of my inside. Not everyone is like me, and I accept that. However, I know that once I started working on my reactions, thoughts, and activities towards others, (even when I didn't want to!) my initial reactions began to change. I don't jump to accusations and assumptions any more. (Most of the time, anyway! I'm far from perfect!) I have the capability to take a breath and look a little deeper into situations before reacting.

Justfor1

Good to see u posting on this side of the fence, choublak.

Justfor1

[QUOTE=2granddaughters;3714883]I found this page in Chuck C.'s book "A new Pair of Glasses". It made sense to me and perhaps will shed some light on your thread ......


Thanks. I liked that picture.

hamabi

While neither of us may ever become Mother Theresa, I think this capability can grow as we rejoin the human race bit by bit and our fears lessen with time sober.

Some years ago I wouldn't have cared that you are having trouble caring, so thanks for this spot check.