Day 1 tomorrow
Confidence is key. Keep us updated! Drink lots of water!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 77
I am constantly tired but its a bit easier to not think about a drink every 2 minutes. Feeling more confident after I made my work xmas party without drinking a drop (that surprised a lot of people).
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Hey Paul,
You've got our support as you give up drinking, and start to learn a new way of living. The early days are challenging, for many reasons. It's hard to break any habit. And it's hard to become unaddicted. That's why people spend so much time in support groups like AA, AVRT, Smart Recovery and SoberRecovery.com, because doing it on your own has a very low success rate. And the many people who have gotten through know that, so they give their time and wisdom to help folks who have discovered that alcoholism sucks, and it's not something that only afflicts the other person. It afflicts me too.
-
I'm going to say in my own way what the other posters have said; you cannot have just one drink. It does not work. It's literally impossible.
Why is it impossible? Because you don't want just one drink. You want the feeling of being tipsy, of being non-sober. That is why all of us drank. And choosing to have one drink is choosing to say "i give up, i can't deal with today without alcohol." A drink is a means to an end, and that end is to self-medicate, to ease the tension in your body.
The problem is, alcohol can only create that feeling for a very short period of time. And each time you drink, you decrease the ability of alcohol to work as effectively the next time. So, what are you going to do after 30 minutes, when the feeling wears off? You know that dealing with life sober is no easier after you've had a little alcohol. Alcohol doesn't work that way. You cannot have just one drink, and neither can I. And getting a small, tiny feeling that a little alcohol brings doesn't ease the tension, it increases the tension, it increase the need to escape. But you can't escape. You tried, and you wake up sick and confused. So did i.
I've learned it's not even a good idea to say "I'll just have one drink, just one more drink." Instead, what i tell myself is "I'll just have one drunk, just one more drunk." Because that's what i'm doing. I'm choosing to stop being sober, and i'm choosing to begin being drunk. If you, or me, or any of us could stop after one, we wouldn't continually wake up hungover, wondering "how come i can't have just one?"
If you want to use the words "I'll just have one drink", then restrict it to times when you're going to drink water, or coffee, or soda. But when you decide to pick up and drink some alcohol, do yourself a favor and be truthful with yourself, and use truth-filled language. It's like when thieves say "I'm gonna go get paid". And they use the word "paid" really means "rob someone and take their money". They play this word game as a way to make a crime sound respectable. Do the same for yourself as you'd do for a loved one who refused to quit shooting up heroin, and lied to themselves by using cutesy language like "I just wanna get my buzz on" or i "just wanna take the edge off." Everyone can see the addict is engaged in self-deception. But the addict is only deceiving themselves. You certainly aren't fooled by such language.
If you want some alcohol, and least be truthful with yourself, and tell yourself "I'll just have one drunk." Don't play word games, because that's how you trick yourself. And you've got enough challenges without being caught in deceptive word games with yourself.
I'm saying this to you as a friend in sobriety, as someone whose gone through the biggest challenge of my life, and removing the mental barriers is how we achieve this goal. Stay strong, and post here often! We do care about you.
You've got our support as you give up drinking, and start to learn a new way of living. The early days are challenging, for many reasons. It's hard to break any habit. And it's hard to become unaddicted. That's why people spend so much time in support groups like AA, AVRT, Smart Recovery and SoberRecovery.com, because doing it on your own has a very low success rate. And the many people who have gotten through know that, so they give their time and wisdom to help folks who have discovered that alcoholism sucks, and it's not something that only afflicts the other person. It afflicts me too.
-
I'm going to say in my own way what the other posters have said; you cannot have just one drink. It does not work. It's literally impossible.
Why is it impossible? Because you don't want just one drink. You want the feeling of being tipsy, of being non-sober. That is why all of us drank. And choosing to have one drink is choosing to say "i give up, i can't deal with today without alcohol." A drink is a means to an end, and that end is to self-medicate, to ease the tension in your body.
The problem is, alcohol can only create that feeling for a very short period of time. And each time you drink, you decrease the ability of alcohol to work as effectively the next time. So, what are you going to do after 30 minutes, when the feeling wears off? You know that dealing with life sober is no easier after you've had a little alcohol. Alcohol doesn't work that way. You cannot have just one drink, and neither can I. And getting a small, tiny feeling that a little alcohol brings doesn't ease the tension, it increases the tension, it increase the need to escape. But you can't escape. You tried, and you wake up sick and confused. So did i.
I've learned it's not even a good idea to say "I'll just have one drink, just one more drink." Instead, what i tell myself is "I'll just have one drunk, just one more drunk." Because that's what i'm doing. I'm choosing to stop being sober, and i'm choosing to begin being drunk. If you, or me, or any of us could stop after one, we wouldn't continually wake up hungover, wondering "how come i can't have just one?"
If you want to use the words "I'll just have one drink", then restrict it to times when you're going to drink water, or coffee, or soda. But when you decide to pick up and drink some alcohol, do yourself a favor and be truthful with yourself, and use truth-filled language. It's like when thieves say "I'm gonna go get paid". And they use the word "paid" really means "rob someone and take their money". They play this word game as a way to make a crime sound respectable. Do the same for yourself as you'd do for a loved one who refused to quit shooting up heroin, and lied to themselves by using cutesy language like "I just wanna get my buzz on" or i "just wanna take the edge off." Everyone can see the addict is engaged in self-deception. But the addict is only deceiving themselves. You certainly aren't fooled by such language.
If you want some alcohol, and least be truthful with yourself, and tell yourself "I'll just have one drunk." Don't play word games, because that's how you trick yourself. And you've got enough challenges without being caught in deceptive word games with yourself.
I'm saying this to you as a friend in sobriety, as someone whose gone through the biggest challenge of my life, and removing the mental barriers is how we achieve this goal. Stay strong, and post here often! We do care about you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Scotland
Posts: 77
I have had a bit of a hard time. I *am* drinking again and have been for some time. This is not a drunken post although I have had a few cans. During the week (I have changed job) I have maybe 4 or 5 beers but at the weekend or during time off I am on it.
Family life is not so good due to the fact that I become idol whilst drinking, arguing with my wife and cutting conversations short becomes the easy option although immediately afterwards I feel 200% guilty. My boys birthday is on Saturday and I am going to go all out to make sure he has a good day, I need sobriety tomorrow so I am around and happy when he needs me on Saturday!
I will stop drinking again, I did well over christmas last year and didnt touch a drop until christmas day. I kinda felt I owed it to myself and I felt out of place by not drinking. Since then (8 months now), I have been back to the same as I was before. I know this is wrong and I need to discuss this with my wife but alcohol has driven a big wedge between us I feel.
She kinda gets on with things, accepts a lot and strolls on. Its not right and I just need some advice. Do I speak to her about my problems or do I just know what is the right thing to do and improve things for everyone in the family?
Confused! Angry! Sad!
Family life is not so good due to the fact that I become idol whilst drinking, arguing with my wife and cutting conversations short becomes the easy option although immediately afterwards I feel 200% guilty. My boys birthday is on Saturday and I am going to go all out to make sure he has a good day, I need sobriety tomorrow so I am around and happy when he needs me on Saturday!
I will stop drinking again, I did well over christmas last year and didnt touch a drop until christmas day. I kinda felt I owed it to myself and I felt out of place by not drinking. Since then (8 months now), I have been back to the same as I was before. I know this is wrong and I need to discuss this with my wife but alcohol has driven a big wedge between us I feel.
She kinda gets on with things, accepts a lot and strolls on. Its not right and I just need some advice. Do I speak to her about my problems or do I just know what is the right thing to do and improve things for everyone in the family?
Confused! Angry! Sad!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: NY
Posts: 10
Talk
Paul--
Talk with your wife. As a woman, I can attest to the fact that females usually like some sort of verbal exchange. Just be ready for an outburst from her if she has been holding back feelings of resentment. Try your best to listen, and then think about how you want to proceed before you say or do anything. If she is being an *******, then calmly tell her that you are trying to be honest, and allow her to help you if that's what she wants. It can be hard to admit things to your partner but you really should.
Talk with your wife. As a woman, I can attest to the fact that females usually like some sort of verbal exchange. Just be ready for an outburst from her if she has been holding back feelings of resentment. Try your best to listen, and then think about how you want to proceed before you say or do anything. If she is being an *******, then calmly tell her that you are trying to be honest, and allow her to help you if that's what she wants. It can be hard to admit things to your partner but you really should.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome back, paul!
I think most of the time, the people we're really close to already have a good idea of what's going on..... we're the ones that have a hard time admitting we have a problem and need help. Once we do, though, it can be a huge relief.
Getting support is a huge part of getting sober. Glad you're here!
I think most of the time, the people we're really close to already have a good idea of what's going on..... we're the ones that have a hard time admitting we have a problem and need help. Once we do, though, it can be a huge relief.
Getting support is a huge part of getting sober. Glad you're here!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Ontario
Posts: 66
Welcome back, Paul. Sorry to hear that you are struggling.
I personally do not think you will be able to improve things with your wife as long as you are drinking. Long periods of 'not drinking' are not the same as true sobriety, which is more than just putting down the drink for good but a change of lifestyle.This disease effects more than just your body and your mind, but the lives of everyone around you. Like you have said, you have noticed it has driven a wedge between your wife and yourself.
If you are interested in getting help, a suggestion I have is that you talk to your wife and tell her you are trying to quit, but you are struggling. Sit with her and be honest and vulnerable. And then find an AA meeting, and bring her with you to your first one. (I have seen a few men this week show up with their wives, it was really heartbreaking but the pride and happiness on the women's faces to see their husband trying was touching.)
Give a few meetings a try before you decide it isn't for you!
Good luck
I personally do not think you will be able to improve things with your wife as long as you are drinking. Long periods of 'not drinking' are not the same as true sobriety, which is more than just putting down the drink for good but a change of lifestyle.This disease effects more than just your body and your mind, but the lives of everyone around you. Like you have said, you have noticed it has driven a wedge between your wife and yourself.
If you are interested in getting help, a suggestion I have is that you talk to your wife and tell her you are trying to quit, but you are struggling. Sit with her and be honest and vulnerable. And then find an AA meeting, and bring her with you to your first one. (I have seen a few men this week show up with their wives, it was really heartbreaking but the pride and happiness on the women's faces to see their husband trying was touching.)
Give a few meetings a try before you decide it isn't for you!
Good luck
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