I can't stop
 

A bottle a night of white wine. every night. I buy 4 small bottles ( THE SUTTER HOME KIND) which equals a bottle. I lost one of my jobs. i am broke. I don't know if i should go to rehab. I haven't gone to AA yet. I feel awful.

HUH, I remember buying the boxed wine. What a free for all that was!! You are not alone.

I just read my signature. how ironic. maybe i should change it since apparently i am doing no such thing, I am afraid of losing my other job and my daughter. But i cannot keep drinking. I am so tired...yet every evening i get excited about that godamn 1st drink which i usually have in the car. i disgust myself

hi violetflame,

i know the feeling......neither can i.....and i have also lost everything....and the days when one bottle a nght was enough are long gone.....I just started a new job, it was either that or lose my flat, but I'm so sick it's really hard.....maybe we can stop together xxxx

Hello and welcome. Because you listed off alcohol right away I'm assuming you feel that your drinking has negatively affected your life. For that reason I think you made the right choice in reaching out here. The best place to start is admitting you have a problem and that your life has become unmanageable. After that it is a question of whether or not you will choose to change that. To seek help through A.A., rehab, counseling, even coming here is spot on. You can learn so much from others who've walked in your shoes and find comfort in a place where you are most certainly not alone. I'm sorry you feel so awful. I truly know that feeling as many others here will tell you. But there is a way to not feel that anymore, if you so choose it. Best wishes friend, take care.

I'm sorry VF.

I guess the obvious question is what are you prepared to do to change this?

D

I don't know I was so desperate tonight I even contacted an inpatient rehab. But I don'[t have money or insurance and the places that take medicade unfortunately are not the best. I AM so lonely I wish I lived with another adult who could help me beat the nightly cravings

why not try meeting based recovery groups like AA or SMART then etc VF?
Meet some real life support?

here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html


D

thanks dee :)
i will do that. i don't think i have a choice

I know what you mean.

I got stuck doing nothing...I actually saw disaster coming for me from a long way off but I was rooted to the spot like a rabbit in the headlights.

Don't be like me - do something :)
Change your outcome :)

D

Hi Violet. Welcome to SR. You can try this link-
Alcoholics Anonymous of Santa Cruz : 24 Hour Hotline

it is the 24 hour AA intergroup in Santa Cruz. There will be an adult there who will talk you through your cravings.

Stay close to SR also. You are doing great!
It does get better.

Zube

thanks! that is great

Violet....something else.....people suggested rehab to me over and over and I always said no, I wouldnt leave my cat.....I'm glad I managed to stay alive for her, but I haven't done a very good job....so the rehab thing....if you can, and you want to, I think it is a great place to start....I want this to work for you. xxx

VF, a bottle a night is not good for your health or morale, but it is a place you can probably come back from without inpatient rehab. Don't panic, take some deep breaths and think about your situation.
You start in the evening right? So getting through the onset of cravings when you leave work is your first challenge. I'm going to throw some ideas at you:
Get a lift home with someone else.
Make sure you have a good tasty meal waiting in the fridge to eat as soon as you walk in the door.
Practice calming techniques to take you through the wave of craving.
Go to bed early.
Don't be afraid to substitute chocolate (or your own vice) for alcohol to start with.
Really dig into what you don't like about drinking to get your motivation. Everyone has a different tipping point and it may not be the obvious reasons of health, money etc.
Seek out low cost support.
Inform and educate yourself.

It took me several weeks to get from where you are now to giving up, but I did get there and so will you.

What is the best part of being sober for me? I no longer have that horrible feeling of self-reproach the next morning. I love that.

Violet.

You are not alone, and there are people who will help you.

That is the first thing you need to understand.

Now, you need to call the number given to you in this thread, and see what they say.

Every single thing you do to help yourself is going to add up to a full recovery.

Stay online with us, and let us know what you have done to fix this.

It will not fix itself immediately, but it will get sorted out if you keep working at it.

violet
you are not alone, i have nightlly cravings also. but take some of these davice they are offering you, it helped me out

Hello Violet, welcome to SR. Read here and post as much as you need. Reading other peoples stories of success and failures will help you see you are not alone or alien.

Makde the steps, reach out, reah out, reach out!

Welcome!
You can do this and like Ive told so many, your life does NOT have to be this way. Keep posting...this site is a great support with a lot of good people. You arent alone. Id suggest making a plan, getting a doctor on board, and being true to your signature (which I dont think you should change btw....even by posting here it is obvious you would like to make changes).

i am so sorry that you are in a position where you don't feel you have options. yes i am sure you know the reasons why you are there a lot better than anyone else... but that doesn't change what is the present. so that means you just have to start from where you are - that's the option, or just keep doing what you have been doing.
i understand about not having money - i don't and it sucks that sometimes there are things that you need that you can't afford. so, do what you can with whatever money you do have. you know that you don't want to "pour any more money down the drain" so to speak, with buying alcohol. so you can put that in your mind when you go to buy it.....
as far as rehab - research what your insurance or public assistance will do to help you with that. see if there are any free or discounted places you may go. you may be able to find something that is outpatient that is cheaper. ( i do not know about this, just a suggestion )
to talk to someone -- find the people in your life that are positive and support you. get rid of toxic people that would threaten what you are doing. i've found that has included people i thought were friends... some that didn't have anything to do with my drinking except to make me feel bad about myself so what i did to cope with those negative feelings was drink ( a lot of these were "work friends" that i just started avoiding when i could ) and best of all ----> come to SR! you can come here and post any time of the night or day and also SR has a live chatroom - it's on the toolbar near the top. i'm not so much into chatting, but i always notice there are at least a few people in there any time i've signed on. there are scheduled meetings that happen in the chatrooms also. SR is a wealth of info if you dig around in older posts.
i wish you the very best and i hope to see you back here posting some positive outcomes on your journey. :hug:

Hiya VF!

TSDD is totally right. So. Florida has AWESOME AA groups!! I look forward to vacationing down there every year simply to go to some of those meetings.

Oh, and when you are having an insatiable craving after not drinking for a bit, your body is actually craving the sugar from the alcohol. Keep a big bag of chocolate or candies with you and eat some whenever the craving starts. You will be amazed at how it takes the edge off.

Peace,
Zube