TheEnd

I have noticed that some of the people that I was friendly with in AA have become noticeably unfriendly since I have stopped going to meetings. And some of the people that I remain friendly with can only speak of my future demise, because I don't have a program.

If I don't knock you for going to meetings, don't knock me for not going to meetings, because there is no proof that either of us is right.

And after almost 2 months of no AA, I am happy where I am and will continue to journey on my path!!!

Thepatman

You don't need additional Preasure from anything or anyone. It's dosent matter what you do to remain sober. As long as you are happy and feel good about yourself.

Caledonia1

Well that's not very charitable of them and not what I'd hope for from an AA member.

I am a grateful member of AA and wish you well with your journey in soberiety. Whatever works for you to remain sober is all that is important.

escapist

I had a sponser who required 5 meetings a week and 1 meeting at her house. Sometimes I would leave certain meetings and go drink. I told her about it. She said I didn't want sobriety enough and why did I think I was so special. So, basically she called me an insincere snob. It didn't help me. I just felt worse about myself.

Fernaceman

Wowzers. That is not very nice of them. "Taking the inventory of someone else" is definitely not very productive in any circumstance.

I am unfortunately guilty of this too, at time. Yes, I know, ME. Dunno why I just went there. LOL.

I think it comes from insecurity and uncertainty that us in the program are on the right path. Jealousy and envy definitely are in play here as well.

Thank you for this reminder.

soberlicious

This is what scares people. When someone depends completely on the fellowship to keep them sober, they cannot fathom being away from it. Your success makes them question...and questioning anything makes them extremely uneasy. It's fear based. If you understand that, then their comments may feel less personal and judgemental.

and I love your tagline..."high on life"...me too

Boleo

I sometimes go a couple of months without meetings. Then I go back, not because I feel bad for myself, but I start to feel bad for the newcomers.

Not that my message makes a difference (it seldom does), just making an effort to carry the message gives me a sense of purpose that I can't get anywhere else.

yeahgr8

I haven't been to a meeting for a couple of months now, i will go back to one soon. The ones who haven't recovered from alcoholism think i have gone back out and the ones who are recovered say i could hit more meetings.

So what? I am recovered through working the steps of AA, what do i care what anyone else thinks, that is their prerogative. Gone are the days of looking for approval thank goodness!

2granddaughters

The "Responsibility Declaration" of AA states :
"I am responsible. When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of AA always to be there. And for that: I am responsible."

It doesn't sound like you are reaching out any more so likely the other AA members are just treating you like "Live and let live".

Time will tell who's right... I wish you the best.

Bob R

RobbyRobot

Everyone is already on their own path no matter what program or non-program they may or may not be "doing"

Many people fail to remain free of alcohol both while in and out of AA, and other programs, fellowships, techniques, paths, what-have-you's...

There are plenty of first-hand stories of people doing well with fellowships/programs. There are also plenty of first-hand stories of people doing well in solitary recovery.

All of these first-hand stories all have their own respective subjective "evidence" and "testimonials of experiences." This evidence is wholly experiential evidence, **which is highly valued in recovery circles**, even though such evidence is not properly, scientifically, empirically sound.

People doing their "thing" is not, imo, so much people knocking others, its more like they are simply being true and honest to their experiences.

I'm not so quick to think folks are knocking me simply because they voice themselves, even when they do so directly about me. My not agreeing with their understandings is my right. So, if I feel somehow offended, while I'm being right with myself, then I'm most likely already sore about something else.

Sally1009

I have had the exact same thing. if I don't go regularly to meetings, people withdraw from me. it used to hurt a lot, but now I accept they are just protecting themselves.
I think the problem is that while many people do leave AA and stay sober, many don't stay sober. Accurate statistics are hard to obtain.
I have seen people leave, relapse, then take friends down with them. I currently have a friend in AA who has relapsed. While I would never be cool towards her, I don't want to be around her when she's actively drinking, as I am too early in sobriety to feel comfortable in her presence. I need to be around sober people atm.

Fernaceman

...Maybe even bringing up this subject is saying, just a lil mind you, that you are uneasy about your decision as well...?

Just a thought...

God Bless.

soberlicious

Fernaceman, I dig your posts, but...um sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

There are times that I may find a behavior or dynamic interesting, or even mildly annoying, without it having any deeper meaning than that. Just me tho'

Hollyanne

They might be worried that the whole "anonymity" thing no longer exists if you are not into AA anymore?
How have you presented your leaving AA?
Could it be in the delivery? Are you critical to them about AA?
Just questions.
I think you will find that you can keep some friendships.
I don't want to be friends with everyone, just some that I naturally click with.
Also, if they truly believe that you will drink if you don't go to meetings, they might just not want to be around for it.
It is painful when our friends drink and suffer some more.
A girl that was about the same time as me drank recently.
I had distanced myself because I could see it coming 6 months before.
I did try to talk to her, but I couldn't get through.
I am not talking about her "program", just her whole attitude, whining, blaming, meddling etc.
Ok, I am gone way off topic......

paul99

It's your jazz - it has nothing to do with them and their reactions have nothing to do with you. I too feel the Live and Let Live idea comes to play here. If one of my AA buddies decided to stop going to meetings, that his deal. He would still be my buddy. If he didn't drink ever again, that's amazing. If he drank again, I would be there if he decided to come back.

sugarbear1

Are you certain it's them and not your attitude?

TheEnd

Nope, sorry not at all. Just think if we were friends or at least sociable before, that shouldn't change. Were we only bound because of the program? i'm still an alcoholic through and through, that will never change.

Fernaceman

Fair enough..just me stirring up the pot.

TheEnd

Quite sure it's them. Once I told them I didn't want to speak at the meeting and wasn't going anymore, because I had lost touch with the program, they stopped returning my texts and phone calls.

Windancer

I would just try and move on if I were you. As long as you are comfortable with your progress and plan, I would try and not let them bother you...whatever their reasons are.
I think that perhaps some AA meetings are not always equal....I myself have been to some horrendous ones where I was simply frightened, and I also got hit on by men much much older than myself. I didnt feel inclined to go back, but Im sure that isnt the case everywhere as AA has obviously helped many people.