MegTheRunner

Hi everyone, hope all is well for my SR buddies. Thank you for all of your posts, I read some each day and they give strength and inspiration.

I'm doing pretty well myself. No booze in almost 90 days. On the 30th I can get my coin. One of the main reasons I quit drinking was because of my anger. I have a bad temper and alcohol only fueled that fire as I'm sure some of you may understand. Over the years my anger grew as I became more and more introverted. I was a completely different person in public and sober but I slowly started lashing out at those close to me, often pushing them away especially when I was drunk. I thought that by quitting and getting sober I wouldn't be so angry anymore. Well this hasn't been the case. I find myself still lashing out at people. Not as bad or as much I guess but I still find myself just plain pissed off. I don't know if I should explore this more with my counselor or just be patient, give things more time...

I know I don't want to be angry anymore. I am trying my best to change things about me I can and of course, learn to know what is changeable and what's not. I don't want to lash out at those close to me or random strangers either. I would like good relationships with people. It's this type of stuff that sometimes makes me think (if just for a moment until I tell myself to shut up), if I'm going to be alone since I don't get along with people very well, why not just drink? Now I know that's dumb and I'm much better off staying sober for many reasons AND will stay sober (hopefully) but I'm very down about this right now. And of course, angry.

Anyways thanks for listening, stay strong friends.

sugarbear1

if you're getting a coin, are you working the steps?

4-7 might help....

awuh1

Someone told me that anger had to do with unmet expectations. I did not think much of the individual who said this, so I blew it off.

Several days later I found myself stuck in traffic and I was .
This was nothing new. I typically ran into traffic at this exact same place, and at this same time of the morning on my regular commute to work …….BUT THIS WAS SATURDAY! There was not supposed to be rush hour traffic on the weekend. Then the comment about expectations came back to me. She was right. The only thing different were my expectations.

Expectations can take the form specific events (like being stuck in traffic), yet sometimes we can get angry even when we can see an event coming. Expectations are still typically present in the form of a “should”, as in “life should be more fair” or ”that person should not treat me this way”. These “shoulds” are typically derived from even earlier expectations.

I found it helpful to understand that I had so much to do with my anger, that is wasn’t just being generated by external sources.

paul99

Yup - if you're working (or planning on working) the steps, then you'll have a place to work through the anger, and the the fears that underly all anger. Like you mentioned, the alcohol fueled what was already there, and all alcoholics have anger issues, whether they see it or not. So cutting out the booze still leaves you holding anger. Old habits (lashing out), old thinking (might as well drink) won't be changed just because the bottle has been put away. And it's the old ways of being that can eventually lead us back.

It's dealing with the causes and conditions that bring on the anger that will give you freedom from it.

Good luck

tomsteve

It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that we permit these, do we squander the hours that might have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring such feelings we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.

If we were to live, we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things are poison.

We turned back to the list, for it held the key to the future. We were prepared to look at it from an entirely different angle. We began to see that the world and its people really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill. How could we escape? We saw that these resentments must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away any more than alcohol.


im a formmer rageaholic. the steps have helped tremendously to find out the cause and the solution.

Gravel

Try to eat healthy whole foods. Often times a person is angry is because on the inside their body is crying. When I eat bad foods I become irritable and short tempered. When my body is relaxed my mind follows. I found distilled water is a great detox key.

TSDD

I was told early on that I was probably just mad at the world because I couldn't drink anymore. "they took my **** away and I can't have it back" baby-like tantrums.

I needed to go through a grieving process after losing my best friend and lover (drinking and drugs). Anger is a normal part of that.

For me it sober time fixed that feeling. IF there's more going on with you than sober time will fix, some sober time will at least put you in a position where you can get some professional help with things if needed.

Fernaceman

When you put an expectation on something, the only thing you can really expect is to be disappointed. Or, in this case, pissed off and angry.

Funny thing; as I was typing that, my phone went haywire, the screen went blank, had to retype the message, and it really made me angry. Guess I was expecting it to just work huh?

willdequit

I am dealing with similar problems with anger. I used to be not be angry, than I got hurt on a smokejumping accident and broke my femur and hit my head and got seizures for two years and also a divorce, also the federal government didn't pay a lot of the bills when it was an on the job accident jumping a forest fire. I started hating the federal government, I quit my job, I hated men because my husband left me during this hard times, I had hard times with the doctors, so I kind of hated some of them, I started drinking more and more. I became more secluded and my friend list went to almost none. I was so alone and got even madder at people. I read a blog of mine on here from last year and I was still mad at all the people around me. Recently I did things to my three year relationship that caused it to end because I was outraged at him and didn't handle it will. I have been reading about anger management and know it's part of my alcohol recovery process. I think anger fuels itself, it's a positive feedback system. The more anger that came out of me the more likely people would respond negatively and I would get more angry. Also when a person is an alcoholic, healthy people could see that the person is destroying themselves and an angry person inside, so they stay away from that, and it makes the person more angry and lonely. So just try to see how anger and alcohol fuels each other and promotes loneliness and more anger. During this recovery process I'm reading a lot of articles about anger management and also alcoholism. Just know that at the end of the road you're going to be a loving, clean, healthy, smiling, happy, good person that people will want to be around and you won't lash out and hurt people anymore because they don't meet your expectations.

Gottalife

The road to resentment is paved with expectations.

awuh1

This is one of those rare times I disagree with the book. I don’t think that it is possible to be completely free of anger (or expectations for that matter). Anger is going to come up. It’s a sign that something is wrong. Often that something is wrong with me.

Perhaps what Bill meant to say was that we need to be free of resentment. Resentment, that is, the “reliving” of events that make us angry, is the larger threat to sobriety. Anger and resentment are somewhat different animals. Short of being comatose, being completely free of the former, is in my opinion, impossible.

What’s really important is what we do with anger.

Dee74

I sabotaged myself a lot of times. I remember more than once thinking 'if this is the new me, I may as well drink'

The thing is - this is not the new you - this is the birth pangs of the new you
You're angry - but you're also self aware, you're trying to improve yourself and you have people to talk this stuff through with.

The first 90 days for me was a rollercoaster ride - from then on things tended to settle and I found my new emotional level.

You're not going to be stuck at this intermediate point forever, Meg

D

MegTheRunner

I need to start studying the steps more and work harder at them. I must be missing the bigger picture here. Expectations and resentment.. Makes sense. Thanks everyone. I'll talk more with my counselor about these things.

soberlicious

Hi Meg
I have found many buddhist writings on anger extrememly helpful. Thich Nhat Hanh teaches about "transforming" anger. If you google Buddhism and anger, you will find a plethora of interesting reading. There are some very effective strategies you can start using quickly to get some relief from the anger. Maybe you will find them as effective as I did. xo

Gottalife

Couldn't agree more though I think to be free of anger is one of those spiritual goals that we are encouraged to aim for. We claim progress rather than perfection (thank goodness) and I read somewhere recently that true humility admits that defects are still present even though our HP may have reduced them a fair bit. Anger, like fear, is a natural reaction, but I get better with dealing with both as time and God's work goes on.

Boleo

"All expectations are seeds for resentment."
(Chuang Tzu)

The antidote for anger is living in the now.
No judgement of the past + No expectations for the future = No dissapointment