Notices

Upset and disturbed by meeting

Old 11-28-2012, 08:31 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
Member
 
DoubleBarrel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
And regarding your arrogant attitude that they are harmless, and everyone should indulge you....Electronic cigarettes: A safe way to light up? - MayoClinic.com
DoubleBarrel is offline  
Old 11-28-2012, 08:34 PM
  # 22 (permalink)  
Member
 
DoubleBarrel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Originally Posted by Skyhawker View Post
The real point, even though you were pulled aside and corrected. It was done in a matter that was embarrassing and unacceptable. He should have been more discreet. The old saying "praise in public, correct in private" is a good one.
It sounded to me like that exactly what he did, took her aside so as not to make a scene in front of others.
DoubleBarrel is offline  
Old 11-28-2012, 08:37 PM
  # 23 (permalink)  
Guest
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 536
By the way, they are not odorless. They smell like whatever flavor I am vaping - Peach, Caramel Cappuccino, Gooey Caramel Cookie, I have lots of awesome flavors, definitely not odorless.
Junebugapril is offline  
Old 11-28-2012, 08:47 PM
  # 24 (permalink)  
Fellow Traveler and Seeker
 
paul99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 2,408
There are a lot of things that are harmless and legal but that are still disrespectful. If you played with a rubics cube or sat chomping on popcorn both would be legal and harmless but show a lack of respect for the people speaking.
I agree. I would be distracted, at the very least. I imagine you might get the same reaction in a church, in a doctor's waiting room, in an airplane or at the gym.
paul99 is offline  
Old 11-28-2012, 08:55 PM
  # 25 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,951
They aren't odorless and they definitely don't smell good. My friends' home had to be aired out thoroughly.......
sugarbear1 is offline  
Old 11-28-2012, 10:28 PM
  # 26 (permalink)  
Sally1009
Thread Starter
 
Sally1009's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 467
The ones I have are completely odourless. I am unaware of any health risks. I haven't meant to cause offence to anyone, nor tried to be insensitive, or arrogant. I am rather surprised at the strength of the reactions I have received; from the guy in the meeting, to some of the responses here.
But it's important to me that I understand what I have done wrong, and try to see it from other people's points of view.
Sally1009 is offline  
Old 11-28-2012, 10:47 PM
  # 27 (permalink)  
Member
 
DoubleBarrel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
Sorry if arrogant was too bold.
It did seem you were unaware of anyone else's perception other than your own, that's all. I didn't mean for my comment to belittle you.
DoubleBarrel is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 02:02 AM
  # 28 (permalink)  
Member
 
Db1105's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: De
Posts: 1,333
I would think that no smoking means no smoking. Either nicotine or water vapor. With every puff it light up and then you expel a cloud of water vapor. I would find that distracting. I think it's proper that someone pulled you aside to let you know that.

That said, I'm a cigar smoker. Even in places you can smoke people find them offensive. If I'm doing something offensive and its bothering someone, I should stop, plain and simple.
Db1105 is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 05:06 AM
  # 29 (permalink)  
Member
 
Mulch's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Hfx., NS, Canada
Posts: 85
Absolutely no disrespect intended - my daughter has used an ecig. I think they're pretty neat - but I can see how it might upset some people. Personally, it wouldn't bother me in the least at a meeting. I see it as someone working on themselves with a great tool; In fact, it wouldn't bother me if someone whipped out a bottle of non-alcoholic wine and poured themselves a drink in a wine glass. I'm just easy that way ....

.... But ... I can really see how things like that might upset others .. maybe there are other smokers in the room trying to quit or trying go the hour without a smoke and the sight of the fake cig. is driving their craving crazy.. maybe there are others who have quit and the sight of an "indoor smoke" is bringing back memories/cravings .. or maybe someone who doesn't understand the mechanics behind an ecig. might be taken off-guard .. or maybe just someone who likes to have an opinion or debate on everything out of the ordinary.

Just sayin'. ... It wouldn't bother me though.

As for being pulled aside and spoken to like that, I know that would really bother me ... but ... it's so much better than someone making a fuss about it in front of the group. At least it was just between you and the other guy, and probably already forgotten.

Edit: Btw, good for you battling the smoking addiction. I've never smoked, so can't relate, but my daughter is having a h#ll of a time trying to quit.
Mulch is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 05:24 AM
  # 30 (permalink)  
~sb
 
sugarbear1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,951
I can't smell my own perfume.

Maybe what you smell is different than what others smell?

Work with your sponsor on this issue, that's what sponsors are for. Maybe really write it as a resentment on your 4th step list. Work the rest of those steps and get a new perspective....

Maybe take that man aside at your next meeting and thank him for his tact, care, and love for you. He did you a favor. We often don't hear what we like, but we do hear what we need to hear.

I wonder how many others were distracted? If that man with some time was distracted enough, I couldn't imagine what another person new to the meeting was going through......
sugarbear1 is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 05:44 AM
  # 31 (permalink)  
Member
 
jennikate's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 804
I'm going to be honest here and admit that it does bother me. I go to two meetings where women do this. I would never take them aside and say something, though. It brings up bad memories for me and I'd rather not see it. I do see that as my problem though.
jennikate is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 05:53 AM
  # 32 (permalink)  
Recoveringed
 
KnowHope's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Thump
Posts: 409
I'm an alcoholic, an addict and a member of more than one fellowship. In one of my first home groups for addiction, there were a few members who would sit rolling up cigarettes throughout every meeting. I was new, confused and vulnerable. It reminded me a lot of rolling joints. They used to put the 7th tradition into the plastic sack found around cigarette packs, and they would melt the plastic to close it just like many of us did with our drugs. I never said anything about it, and now I don't have or endorse the idea of "triggers," but at the time it unsettled me. Although these things might be deemed technically harmless, these looked to me to be rollover practices from active addiction. When I got plugged into the program through a healthy network, I was able to see that the group itself was not a healthy place, and the people doing this really didn't have much recovery to speak of. A coincidence? We say that we want our rooms to be a place most conducive to recovery. Why don't we all practice this to the best of our ability? I think the man was right in taking you aside, and I think he was also being respectful of you by speaking with you about it in private. I suspect it would be better for you to take on the decision not to smoke e-cigarettes during meetings as an unselfish act than for this to potentially make it's way to vote in GC.
KnowHope is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 05:54 AM
  # 33 (permalink)  
straight struck sober
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 7
"Smoke 'Em if you got 'Em"....oh the days when so many people smoked in the meeting that i couldnt see the person sharing. Times change. True e-cigs changed smoking, but values changed to.. the thought police are more behind stopping smoking than you might have realised. Even if the e-cigs released vitamins into the air, the attitude is now intolerant to the actual act of smoking.. its like an addict saying he's an addict alcoholic in an AA meeting.. no big harm done, but the person knows someone in that room is going to dislike it.. So DO IT if will you admit to yourself that you are trying to stir the pot. DON'T DO IT if you want to bring peace to a disparate group of people who already have to accept so much of each others differences just to sit in the same room long enough to find the similarities..
freethinking123 is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 07:52 AM
  # 34 (permalink)  
Serenity Now!!!
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Oklahoma, U.S.A.
Posts: 41
I've seen the same thing in some meetings I attend. While maybe not directly offensive I did find it to be distracting. Some Meeting attendees do other things that are far more distracting than that. Smokeless tobacco is popular here. Listening to someone spitting into a cup ranks right up there. I may be easily distracted though.
Wildog007 is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 09:39 AM
  # 35 (permalink)  
Sally1009
Thread Starter
 
Sally1009's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 467
Well I'm not the sort of person who likes to stir, so I won't "vape" again at meetings. I just find it rather hard to sit through a straight hour and a half without a smoking break.
Very interesting feedback, everyone. Thank you.
Sally1009 is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 09:56 AM
  # 36 (permalink)  
Trudger of Happy Destiny
 
Fernaceman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Naperville, IL
Posts: 1,918
Well...most meetigs I attend do in fact offer a smoke break, usually after the speaker/initial topic portion of the meeting. You could always, at the beginning, when they ask if there are any announcements, ask if anyone else would feel a break would be appropriate during any part of the meeting. Chances are you are not the only person who would like one. Just a thought.
Fernaceman is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 10:04 AM
  # 37 (permalink)  
Member
 
TSDD's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 367
Originally Posted by Sally1009 View Post
I don't know if this is slightly off-topic, but here goes.
I stopped smoking two weeks ago with the help of an electronic cigarette. For those who are unfamiliar with the concept, this is a fake cigarette which blows water vapour, not smoke. They have some nicotine in them, but no other toxic chemicals. It's been a breakthrough for me.

However, at the end of tonight's meeting, an old-timer who I know very well asked me for a word. He actually took me by the hand, and led me, like a little girl, out of the room and along the corridor, out of everyone's earshot.
He then proceeded to lecture me on using my Ecigarette during the meeting. He said it was 'completely unacceptable'.

I was taken off guard, so I just said sorry, and that I wouldn't do it again.
Later however, I felt upset and angry. Upset because I would never do anything to offend anyone, and this man should know this.
And angry because I felt humiliated and bewildered.

I repeat, Ecigarettes are harmless. The 'smoke' is vapour. That's the genius of them, so what objection could there be.
I'd be very interested to hear what smokers and non-smokers feel about this? Would you feel an aversion to someone using one of these gadgets in a meeting.
( I should add that I did say during my share that it wasn't a real cigarette).
One of the best things that has helped me cope in AA is learning how to tell people to go **** themselves. You'll never meet as many people who can't manage their own lives that are all to eager to manage yours for you.

If you're not as brash as I am, you can always ask the person offending you "what's that 'live and let live banner' mean?"

That's a more passive aggressive way to ask someone to mind their own busieness.

Oh and for background, I used to smoke, quit a few years ago when they topped 5$ a pack. Got sober washing ashtrays in smoke infested AA halls. Still thoroughly enjoy a smoking meeting just for the atmosphere whenever I travel through an area in which indoor smoking is permitted..... I hope to God my life never comes to the point where I'm worried about someone smoking fake cigarettes.
TSDD is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 10:13 AM
  # 38 (permalink)  
Member
 
TSDD's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 367
Originally Posted by KnowHope View Post
members who would sit rolling up cigarettes throughout every meeting .
I smoked my share of grass (and probably a few other people's as well), and for me watching someone rolling cigs reminds me of the free bag of Roll Rich they gave you in your "welcome home" package going into prison.... or reminds me of rolling out of what I picked out of snipes in an ashtray.

At the end of the day I needed to grow a pair of stones and realize that the rest of the universe wasn't going to quit drinking or getting high, or doing things that reminded me of getting high (which was just about everything from getting out of bed in the morning on) just on accout of I couldn't do the stuff anymore.
TSDD is offline  
Old 11-29-2012, 04:30 PM
  # 39 (permalink)  
Grateful to be free
 
Threshold's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I would find the e-cig distracting in a meeting and would feel that outside of a smoking meeting, it would come off as disrespectful.

I see people walk in and out of meetings for personal breaks all the time, bathroom, smoke, need to pace, make a call, or just can't stand to listen to certain people share, or a share on a particular topic.

I've done personal time outs when I've needed to.

I wouldn't like someone taking me by the hand either. Nor do I know his tone or words. It's hard to hear that something we do bothers others. It's harder to hear when we are trying to NOT bother others and are working hard on our own stuff.

I thought a lot about these things when I was attending meetings, and did try to be sensitive to the comfort of people around me, but in the end, their behavior was on them and mine was on me.

I got more comfortable with walking out when I needed to, and more comfortable with others walking out when they needed to.

In NA meetings, I appreciated that those who needed to take medication etc left the meeting for a few rather than popped pills in front of me.
Threshold is offline  
Old 12-01-2012, 09:00 AM
  # 40 (permalink)  
Member
 
Kevah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: 4th Dimension of existance
Posts: 175
I am six months into sobriety, but started vaping again 3 weeks ago (for the first time since becoming sober) I also do not use my ecig during meetings, in restaurants, at religious meetings, in movie theatres, at work, etc...even though it technically isn't smoking. My group probably would not mind in the least. Although we are a non smoking, non pet group, when someone comes in and asks if anyone is uncomfortable with their pet being there, they get a better response than just showing up with their lap dog. Now, I know dogs and ecigs are two very different things, but it is something out of the "norm". A little respect goes a long way. For others maybe trying to quit smoking without an ecig, it may be a trigger. Which may also be a trigger for drinking. I know we can't be fully responsible for others' sobriety, but I'm just saying it from another viewpoint. If I really, truly, would need a hit of nicotine, I would excuse myself from the room, just like the smokers do if they can't sit still for an hour. However, it all depends on the dynamic of your group. Some groups are cool with these kinds of things, and some are not. I've attended some that get irritated when you just get up to refill your coffee. lol
Kevah is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:58 AM.