leezard

Hi, My name is Lisa, and I am an alcoholic. I have been sober going on 5 years. Sometimes, it feels like yesterday when I took my last drink; sometimes, it feels like 100 years. I NEVER forget where I came from. I don't ever want to feel those feelings again. Here is the thing... I am getting married in about 7 weeks. First and only time. I waited a long time to get mature enough to do this.. and here it is(almost). I remember thinking. back in the day, I could NEVER be sober at my wedding. I didn't want to forget it, but I figured there would be pictures.. always rationalizing. Now, I am going to be SOBER for my wedding. I am scared though. Sometimes more than others. I have felt resentment towards my friends for drinking, but when I felt like that I would leave. I cannot escape my own wedding.. nor do I want to. My fiance doesn't drink, but he's a "normie", so he doesn't get this thing. I CAN ask for his support, but I need more.He was wonderful and even thought we should have a dry wedding. I didn't want that. So, I need some advice on how to handle this day. I know I will be "high" just to be marrying my wonderful guy... but the fear that " wow, wouldn't it be great to have that toast" I don't even want to think about that. I have too much to lose. So experience, strength and hope are very much needed here. Oh, I haven't really made any friends in the "sober community" so this is harder.
Thanks in advance,
Lisa

best

Toast with grape juice. It comes in white and purple. It isn't what is in the glass that makes the toast, it is what comes from the heart to the lips for others to hear that makes a toast.

Ninerfan

I use sparkleing cider at special events. New Years Eve, weddings, birthdays etc. It is really no big deal. Just make sure you know what you are drinking. A thought just occured to me, Stacey in the thread just above this one called 'update' is also getting married, maybe the two of you could compare notes. And good luck on the wedding.

Csmcjewl

I can relate to this thread!
I too am getting married June 3rd in Vegas!!! Of all places to avoid alcohol! hehe....However, part of the reason to go to Vegas for me was because my family all wanted to drink at the reception and I knew, at my stage in sobriety there's no way I could do that.
Even in Vegas it's going to be difficult, I plan on going and just taking little time outs here and there throughout the day to kidna stay "grounded" so as to not get caught up in the moment and think, wow..I'd really like to toast on my wedding! Trust me, even in Vegas it's not easy. They are giving us a free bottle of champain which I have requested non-alcoholic. Then on the cruise ship we signed up for the honeymoon package and it comes with champain which I didn't realize so that will be non-alcoholic and I have to resist it. It would be so easy to just cave and give in but then think about when you get home again.
Not only are you going to have a new husband but it would be overshadowed by the fact that you dissapointed yourself. It would forever be a memory in your mind when you think back to your wedding. You don't want that, you want to think back and be proud that you made it through such an important event and didn't drink. Drinking will cause you to not feel the full effects of being a new bride. I know I don't want to ruin that for myself for anything. When you think about it, it's the least likely place that you should want to give it up! If all else fails....Remember: There are going to be pictures taken of you everywhere you go all day, you won't be able to convince anyone that were weren't drinking later and you're going to have those pictures forever, you don't want what's in your glass to stand out more than you do.
Stacey

Pancreas

Lisa,

After 5 years I believe you are strong enough to pass on the "toast". Stay for the toast, smile, get some pictures and dinner and then leave as soon as possible! Hell, the honeymoon is the fun part anyways. If there is one day that nobody can get upset at us alcoholics leaving early it has to be our wedding day!

Little Missy

Lisa,
I've been thinking about this a lot lately too. In August, my drinking buddy (and sister -in -law) is getting married. I am the matron of honor. I was thinking of useing the sparkling cider in my glass. It is going to be a big bash (6-8) kegs, plus open bar. It's also going to be a big test for me. But one day at a time. Also, I'll be responsible for the bachlorette party. She know I "say" I'm and alcoholic, but she doen't believe I am. Maybe then she would be one herself. I don't know what she is thinking exactly. Anyway, I told her I was thinking of all of us going to a hotel. Doing day spa, and then maybe some gambling. Drinking can be done there, but I'd have other things to do. Gambling is lower on the list of things I'm addicted to. LOL
Also, at your wedding, if you and your husband take a basket of sticks of gum around, you can thank them for coming. It's a great way to make sure you got to see everyone, and it takes some time. Don't sweat it though, you will be so happy and busy, you won't have time to think about it.
Take Care your doing great,
Missy

Paulie

Wow we have alot of brides here at SR. I too am getting married in August.

I myself and not worried about me drinking, I am serving wine as a courtesy to my guests. Try to remember that when you thought about drinking at your wedding, you were drinking at the time. Your life is different now, you are different now. Different priorities. Take life one day at a time, don't trip on the 'what if's'. I bet you will be so happy that day and having so much fun, that the fact that you are not drinking will not even enter your mind.
Good luck, God Bless and Happiness Always.

leezard

Thank you all very much.. as some of you figured, it isn't "just the toast" I was worried about. It's the whole event. I know in my heart of hearts that I don't WANT to drink. I don't want to ruin everything I have worked so hard for. I am extremely proud of where I have come. But, my alcoholic head has to get involved, and it scares me sometimes. It's not that I feel tempted, because I don't.. it has been rather easy for me to stay away... but it's the resentments I don't want to carry. I don't want to look at my friends and say.. wow.. look at how much fun they are having with the open bar.
I am counting on the fact that I will be so wrapped up in the day... that I won't have time to notice. But i am an alcoholic... and can anyone say they were ever oblivious to how many Heineken's Leslie had... or vodka rocks that David had...
Anyway, this is helping me to get those feelings out. I appreciate your help.. I really do. Thanks

Paulie

I understand the envy thing. I have a couple girlfriends that are not addicts. When we do our birthday lunches, they usualy drink. For a while it bothered me, I felt left out kinda. Then one day we picked a mexican place, they were drinking margaritas, they got louder and stupider.....I didn't feel left out anymore, I felt grateful to not be them.

Listen, in my opinion, this is your disease talking to you right now, I don't think it will even enter your mind at the wedding. Stay in today, ask your HP to help you not trip on tomorrow.
Happiness Always!

leezard

Paulie
This may sound stupid, but what's HP?
You are right... it is my disease talking. I have seen my friends get stupid, and been VERY thankful that I am not anymore!! I think it was so set in my mind that I WAS "going to party" at my wedding. It's so strange sometimes to change all those thoughts. I am sooooo much healthier, stronger, more vibrant, and HAPPIER than I ever was drunk. I never would have dated my fiance if I was drinking. He wouldn't have even looked twice at me either.
Another thing.. my future mother in law took over the alcohol at the wedding. We were going to have a limited bar, she wanted an open bar, with no limit.. so that's what we are having. That's fine with me, but, it felt like she had no regard for where I am at in my life, ya know? I told my fiance, and he saw my point of view.. it still bothers me sometimes.
Thanks for listening to me!!
Lisa

Paulie

HP = Higher power.

Let her take over the alcohol part, less you have to worry about . You are going to have a WONERFUL day and a WONDERFUL wedding. That is what you need to tell youself. Tell your disease to crawl back under the rock it came out from. That is what I have to do all the time.

And your fiance saw your point of view, that is what is important!!!!!