Sidney14

I had been 2.5 years sober and I relapsed on xanax for two months well the last two months I needed more and more of it just to be able to be an A class supermum working 40 hours, toxic relationship, 2 toddlers, one teenager no help from my partner apart from blaim blaim me and verbal abuse, just to face him in my house until he moved out was too hard ,,,,still I guess it was no excuse my weight plummeted to basically nothing, I stopped enjoying life and even my kids, at work my boss noticed that my personal life was interfering and forced me to take all of my leave, so three months in total paid, which was a blessimg, mind you he still sends me inappropriate text messages when things do not happen the way they should, in any case I was close to a physica and mental breakdown and unfortunately I could not cope anymore so crashed. It has been now 6 weeks I am attending a day Day Program for D&A for me this was not a relapse as such and I feel like I am continuing in my recovery but she is adamant that I am in early recovery basically starting from scratch and I so disagree, I respect AA but this all or nothing even after 10 years if you relapse you start from zero??? I just disagree with it........Anyone elses opinion?

paul99

Xanax and other benzos are similar to alcohol, hitting the same part of the brain and are depressants. They are easily abused, and I know of some alcoholics who have gone back out after starting with Xanax. But if you've been taking more and more to cope, and are in a drug and alcohol program, it can certainly be looked upon as a relapse. I imagine you don't see it that way, as no alcohol was involved. But in the end, a chemical very similar in effect as alcohol was over-used...but I imagine that is not your main question.

As for the "starting from the beginning" thing, yeah that's how it goes. I know guys who have been in the program 15+ years but haven't been able to string 6 months in a row together. But if you were new and heard about the guy with 15 years (and not mentioning the constant relapses), you might be deceived by what may seem like solid, quality sobriety but isn't quite as it lives up to be. It's also about accountability and honesty to one's self.

But it's not to discount what one has learned in their recovery time before during and after a relapse...but it's a clear indication of how you are working the program.

Is there a particular reason for disagreeing with that idea of starting from scratch?

Gottalife

AA as such wouldn't have an opinion on this as it's about medication, and AA is concerned soley about alcoholism. There are (I guess) two possible reasons why you would find yourself on these meds. The first would be through a medical professional treating a mental illness, and provided you have been honest with the doc and followed the instruction exactly, that wouldn't amount to a relapse.

The second would be the doc "thought" he/she was treating a mental illness when really you had them treating that ISM -internal spirtual malady, that seems to return when we haven't taken the steps required to bring about recovery.
That wouldn't be a relapse in my view, because there was no recovery in the first place.

"Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program"

Don't be discouraged, though you are perhaps not yet recovered, you are still in recovery and you did not drink. If you do the work i.e learn how to apply the steps to treat the ISM, there is plenty of hope for you.

Sidney14

it was prescribed by my psychiatrist since I could not deal with everything that was hitting me at once I had panic attachs at night, in the beginning i was just using as needed, but towards the end of my relationship I guess I did have to numb myself to even function with him still in the house.......and it is such a relief not to have a fourth child in the house (meaning him) I guess I got scared of my own power which sounds strange enough......

I appreciate your input

Db1105

All I know is that for the 12 steps of AA to work for me, I had to be rigorously honest with myself.

Thepatman

Ok here I go.

Why is time so important with Sobriety? To me it dosent matter how much time people have sober. You could be sober for 10 years and be a miserable human not enjoying life.
Constantly counting the days sober is a waste of time. It's a not a freeking competion for heaven sakes.

Just be sober and find happyness. even if you just have 2 weeks but are happy that's all that matters.

pipparina

I think part of the "starting over" concept is the need to be honest that you used something to escape your feelings. I don't think it matters so much what someone is telling you to do (you must start counting days, etc), but how you feel internally about what happened.
There is definitely a shame to relapse that can keep people out there, and I hope you don't beat yourself up with that.

kricket68

Like someone else said, benzos and alcohol are very similiar in the area of the brain that both affect (GABA, I believe, could be wrong). Anyway, benzos are used probably because of their mechanism for early alcohol withdrawal. I abused benzos for years prior to ever touching alcohol. I learned that besides alcohol w/d, benzo w/d cold turkey can be life threatening. (an aside).

I don't know if you have ever gone to an NA meeting? For me that has been helpful. Switching addictions from my experience is so very easy to do...just as cunning, baffling and powerful as alcohol. Hope this helps.

~Kricket

TSDD

So can I get a weekend pass to go smoke crack and it won't count against my sobriety?

To thine own self be true, OP. You're as sober as you say you are. My life is completely uneffected if you want to take weekends and holidays off and claim that you're continuously sober.

TSDD

Try getting some continuous sober time and you'll be able to answer that question for yourself.

Or you could be in and out like a fiddler's elbow, taking people's inventory to try to make you feel supperior to people who are staying sober continuously but must be "miserable".

You may consider that if someone else is "miserable" you are taking the wrong person's inventory, and there's pretty good odds that person prefers their life sober to their life drunk and is happy enough to stick with it. I learned early on to not try to compare my insides with other peoples outside.... it's a tool that has proved handy on many occasions.

This really begs the question why would someone who is so happy being sober for short intervals keep returning to the misery of drinking?

Sidney14

Actually I totally agree with it. But it does seem like a competition hence I am more spiritually inlined meditation Buddhism then AA, Thanks this helps me a lot

Sidney14

Thanks so much this comment helps a lot and is very positive. I did beat myself up, but I am back up doing the things I enjoy.

soberlicious

You need to pick yourself up and do what you know is right for you.

No one should try and make you admit something out loud or tell you that you are wrong about your approach to getting clean from the benzos. It doesn't matter. Just get off of them and get on with life. Do you have a plan for doing that?

totfit

My personal opinion is that we started on our birthday and the journey continues. It sounds like you had a bump in the sober part of your journey, but the main thing is to get back on track and continue to move forward. If you are talking "counting days" of sobriety, then they are merely days. Days are only one measure of progress and progress is most important. I wouldn't really wory about the days or what happened yesterday. I try and concentrate on what I am doing today and play for tomorrow.

Sidney14

Yes checked myself into rehab for the initial withdrawal of xanax for 10 days and then my psychiatrist is working together with my GP for a reduction dosis in Valium which could take anywhere from severa weeks to several months.....

To basically not enter the body into shock mode.....

TrixMixer

Hi Sidney,

You have every right to disagree that the drugs were a relapse, but that does not make it so.

Unfortunately you can be off of alcohol for 6-10-20years, things get to much and you start using a "substance" to take the edge off--that is still a relapse, and yes you have to start over but only at breaking the new cycle you find yourself in. So you may no longer an alcoholic, but now are addicted to a drug. .

Sucks , I know! Not fair, I know.....but than where did you ever get the idea that LIFE has to be .

You are entitled to your opinion, of course, just run this buy a D and A counselor, for your own peace of mind.

Stay Strong!

xcaret

Sidney14... I am adicted to Valium, you better not take any of that stuff fior more than a week or ten days cause its harder to kick than what your kicking now.. I have been adicted for all but 4 of the last 42 years. I'm kicking now ,and on my 7th day. I have a shot or two of vodka to help at night.