sobersunrise

Today I am 105 days sober. Most days I marvel at what a gift sobritey is and have no regrets. My closest friend said she felt like I just decided to quit chewing gum (on the outside). It surprised me, because clearly, it is such a struggle. I'm relieved that I don't show it on the outside, but it makes me realize how lonely I am. How alone I feel in all of this.
Today I was helping a group decorate our community hall for Christmas. It also houses the "tavern" as its named. What shocked me was that I was in the ladies room, putting out poinsettas, and I was siezed with panic about how I would get through the holidays. I wanted to cry and scream that its NOT FAIR. I had spent so many NOT sober nights in that very bathroom...some that I am not proud of. So of all places, I thought it was odd, that for a quick second, my brain said, "Forget this, I'm not staying sober this season. I'm going to miss all the fun." The moment has passed, but I just needed a place to vent. Thanks. I have yet to join an AA group, but am really starting to think I need a group of people who "get it." Even my husband, who has been nothing but supportive, asked on the Wed prior to Thanksgiving, "Which wine do you want to buy for tomorrow." When he saw my face, he got upset and said, "I'm sorry...I just keep forgetting." Lol...anyway, thanks for giving me a place to voice my frustrations.

doggonecarl

That would be us!

Congrats on 105 days. I don't know what your recovery plan is, but you need to be prepared to deal with holiday stress. Beware of trying to fit in to the "old ways" of enjoying the holidays, which was drinking.

Thepatman

My 50 Cents... Make the first Christmass as boring as can be. By boring I don't mean not to see people but you might want to avoid the big booze parties for the first.

Next year you might have better tools and experience to deal with this.

I know my Christmass will be quiet. I'll juste spend time with my 6 year old son and play play play. I'm even skipping the Office party. I used to get totally smashed when I went.

I'm just 2 weeks in, nothing is getting near this mans sobriety. LOL!

onlythetruth

A group of people who "get it" is a great thing indeed...and there are many ways to have those people in your life. AA, SR, SMART, whatever floats your boat.

Christmas and the holidays in general can be a tough time. I quit drinking in September (a few years back) and at the time thought I picked a REALLY bad time to do that...right before labor day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas! But in reality, well, it would have probably been almost as difficult at any time of year. I drank every day, not just on holidays!

JasonMarchelak

This will be my first time xmas and the new year without alcohol after 6 months sobriety, I am NOT looking forward to it!

MIRecovery

I am going to go to the in-laws house for a week over Christmas and here is my plan. Everybody in the immediate family knows I am an alcoholic and I do not do drinking situations well. I have research local AA meetings and have schedules. I have escape plans set up to either go to a hotel or to a non-drinking relatives house. My wife knows that if I say it is time to go I will leave immediately with no good byes or anything. She can explain why I disappeared.

Now my plan is in place I can enjoy a very nice time with some really good people who happen to drink. All of the pressure is off because even in the worse case senario I will stay sober

HeavyJ

Christmas day is my Sober date. I am really REALLY looking forward to Christmas this year. I was so sick and ashamed last year. I have been attending two meetings a week since, and talking with my sponsor often. I recently started answering phones at my local intergroup office. Things couldn't be better, and I know I can handle Christmas this year without drinking no problem..
Good luck to you!

MIRecovery

And I have at least 20 sober people including my sponsor that I can call day or night

paul99

Congrats on 105 days!

There are going to be a lot of "firsts" in your sobriety (first time going to a party, etc), and this is going to be one of them. I found that the more of these "firsts" I got through, the easier the others became. I had people that I could call on if I was anxious around the event, and I always had an "out" plan just in case I needed to physically leave somewhere if I felt unsafe.

In terms of "missing the fun" - I imagine you weren't having too much fun any more if you decided to quit drinking .

By all means, hit a meeting - you'll find like minded people and you'll certainly find other women out there who will be anxious as well, and you can fill up your phone with numbers.

Good luck

MIRecovery

I drank the fun out of alcohol a long time ago. I was in major league denial at the end but I admitted it was not fun anymore

Hevyn

Hi sobersunrise. Wise of you to be here discussing how you feel. Yes, we all get it.

The first holidays after I got sober I was a little angry & frustrated that I couldn't have 'fun' like I normally did. Of course it hadn't been fun in a very long time. My drinking made me foggy and stupid - I barely remembered some holiday celebrations. I knew drinking wasn't going to enhance anything - yet still I clung to the idea that it would. I only felt that way the first year - now drinking doesn't even cross my mind. Never thought I'd get to this point. It's such a relief to be free of it.

Glad you are here with us, talking about your feelings and figuring things out. You're doing great.

OneLessLonely

Welcome to SR and grats on 105 days! I read your other post that you had lurked for months before joining, so I know you know, we "get it" here. You are among the most understanding, like-minded, supportive people around.
I quit in May. And just how you feel about missing out at Christmastime and cannot imagine not drinking during it, I truly felt the same way about the upcoming summer. So many activities I associated with alcohol. I thought I would eventually regret not joining in on the boozy events or experiencing things with a buzz. The first truth is that it would never have just been a buzz anyways. But the second more important truth is that I am so happy I quit when I did. I am so happy I didn't drink through what I thought would be impossible to not drink through. It strengthened me. I honestly would regret if I had decided to quit later or take a break from sobriety do I could drink during the summer. So plan. Plan different or less risky holiday outings. Plan what non-alcoholic drinks you will drink and bring them if you have to. Plan a brief explanation, if at all, for why you're not drinking. I just told people I was on a health kick. Plan an escape in case you need one. Keep this site up on your phone if you can. Accept any feelings or discomfort that come up as natural for your situation. I lived by "It is what it is." The other thing I think about those intense fears of maintaining sobriety through certain situations.. it's your addictive voice trying to scare you into drinking again. To that I say, which someone here posted before, "Blah, blah, blah, shut the hell up." There is no other response because the addictive voice is irrational. Once I truly believed that anything pro-drinking in my head was the addictive voice, I got bull that something other myself, had control over me, and I now choose to hang it at every turn. You can do this. I wish you the best!

sobersunrise

Thanks for the responses and the support. I think all of the "firsts" without alcohol will be a bit challenging, on some level. I have to at least acknowledge that it will be different, but so far, as long as I have a plan I am okay. What I've discovered in my sobriety journey is that the actual event is not a big deal, its the anticipation of not drinking. The first few social events I went to I was siezed with panic and absolute sadness that I coudln't drink. But once I was there, green tea or water in hand, I was fine and had a great time. That seems to be the case in all situations...my first sober vacation, thanksgiving, etc. I acknowledge the fear/sadness, try to prepare, and once I'm there I have a great time.
Anyway, thanks again. I am so glad I found SR or I would probably be in a hazy hungover fog today

Sally1009

I agree with all the above. It's essential to have a plan. I don't particularly associate Christmas with drinking as no one in my family did, and my husband barely drank at all. I do associate it with stress, though. I am going to stay with my mother for Christmas, and I am only doing it out of compassion, as I don't get on with her. She has a tiny flat which makes me very claustrophobic to be in, and she never ever leaves me alone for a second.
However, she lives right next door to an AA meeting, which I shall attend.
I plan to take lots of walks by the seas, take my knitting to distract me a little, and will take her to places in the car.
So planning is essential. No parties this year except an AA one. It's far too soon at only three months sober. There's always next year.
Don't let Christmas get you down. It's not about the drink - it's about the good will at the end of the day.

Gravel

My advice is just suffer through is sober. You may not have as much fun as you used to or feel wanted around the other people who drink, but remember this holiday will be over quick. When the holiday is over you DON"T want to have the green like to continue drinking or the bad feeling that you gave in for a man made holiday. Carry on sober and be cool.

laurie6781

I have shared before that my first Thanksgiving I was 5+ months sober and
by Christmas I was 6 months and 2 weeks sober.

Now by Christmas you will be 134 days sober, over 4 months!!!!! You have
gone ahead and put a 'negative' spin on something that is still almost a month
away. Sort of the glass is 'half empty' instead of the glass is 'half full.'

I understand so well the thought that hit you while in the ladies room. Now,
how about making some new memories this Christmas. Memories that you
will look back on and smile. New memories of NOT getting sick in the 'ladies
room.' New memories of NOT get drunk and rowdy. New memories of
finding out that not everyone does drink or get wasted, and finding those
folks at the festivities and actually having a conversation or two or three
that you will enjoy and REMEMBER. lol

So other side of the coin, is that the Holidays can be filled with JOY and
SANITY and PEACE and SERENITY.

Also depending on the function, offer to be a 'designated driver', trust me that
will be a very interesting 'experience' watching those you are driving make com-
plete fools of themselves, and getting the calls the next day (instead of making
them, lol) on what they did the night before.

I wish one and all here that they have the VERY BEST Christmas and New Year
that they have ever had.

Love and hugs,

TSDD

Trigger is Roy Rogers' horse. I promise if you can't control your drinking 110 days ago it won't go any better for you on Christmas, New years, Groundhog's day, or any other particular day. The best news is you don't need to worry about a month from now's booze, only today.

We get through holidays sober same as we get through all the other days, by not drinking alcohol. You can do it, and you're not alone.

freshstart57

I think it is hilarious that your AV picked the ladies' loo to try to convince you that you are going to be missing out on a lot of fun by staying sober. Retching and dry heaves never really quite fit the definition of fun for me.

This says to me, loud and clear, that your issue is dealing with your AV before this event happens.

Indeed you can do this, sobersunrise. The time will fly by, you will thoroughly enjoy yourself, you will be present and remember everything, and you will still be sober afterwards. And justifiably proud, too.