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Giving booze not recieving it

Old 11-23-2012, 09:18 AM
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Giving booze not recieving it

Happy Holidays everyone, hope all is well. I'm doing good, almost to 90 days.

I'm writing because many of my family members have birthdays this month and I realized that I keep going to the liquor shop to pick each of them up their respective bottles (wine for mom and brother, beer for dad, etc). At each of the holiday parties I attend I will be giving more wine and lets not forget Christmas... It's kind of ridiculous how much everyone drinks and how they're all happy receiving alcohol for it is a gift which will certainly be used.

My family and friends know I stopped drinking, so it will be interesting to see what shows up in my stocking this year.. They'll probably throw me cash and giftcards (another standby which hey I'm happy to have).

I guess I just wish everything didn't revolve so much around drinking. That's all they do! Get together, drink. Go out to lunch, drink. Have a holiday, drink.

I spent yesterday with 3 family members who don't drink. It was nice. I opted to stay away from all the drinking. I don't mind being around people who drink but right now things are a bit fragile for me so I know I need to be careful. Don't want to give myself any additional reasons or rationale to drink.

I do wish the holidays were only about being together and not so much the gift thing however, people would drink anyways right? This year I'm going to try to think of other things to give but I know that booze is still the number 1 choice.

I'm off to lunch now with a few other family members to watch them consume wine... Thanks for listening to me vent. Have a good one, stay strong.
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Old 11-23-2012, 10:40 AM
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I know it's not easy to negotiate family get-togethers, but if they revolve around alcohol, maybe you can make yourself scarce? I was very fragile for many months and for sure coulde not be around alcohol. At that time, I decided to not buy alcohol as a gift anymore either. It just made sense. I found a great gourmet chocolate store and that's been my go-to hostess gift for a long time. I hope you find a way to make things work with your family members who drink.
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Old 11-23-2012, 12:03 PM
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Meg, you've got a lot more time than me - I'm on Day 10 right now - but you're a hell of a lot stronger than I am right now. I wouldn't feel comfortable being in a liquor store and I'd feel extremely uncomfortable having alcohol in my possession. I know I'd drink it. Well, I think I would... see? I don't even know! But I don't want to find out.

Since your family knows you stopped drinking would they understand if you gave something else? I know a lot of people think it's impersonal (is that a word??) but I've never not loved a gift card.
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Old 11-23-2012, 12:35 PM
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You seem to be doing well and I hope you (all) make it right on through New Years sober... It was such a great feeling for me last year, waking up with ~100 days on January 1st.
I would not have stepped one foot in a liquor store though, and have yet to enter one in over 14 months. I'm not afraid of it now, I just choose to never spend a dime nor an ounce of my time on any of that stuff.
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Old 11-23-2012, 12:59 PM
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I spent yesterday with 3 family members who don't drink. It was nice. I opted to stay away from all the drinking. I don't mind being around people who drink but right now things are a bit fragile for me so I know I need to be careful. Don't want to give myself any additional reasons or rationale to drink.
Well, that's a great approach, both physically / socially and mentally. Not everyone drinks at get togethers, and sometimes hanging out with them makes it easier, especially at the beginning.

The one thing I noticed when I stopped drinking was how much other people drank! But I had to realize that no one is going to stop on my behalf, so it was time to turn my focus away from what was in their hand to other things - focusing on the conversation, or playing with the kids, or helping out in the kitchen, etc.

I also found that instead of getting resentful at them being able to drink and not me, I would see if there was anything I could do to help them be more comfortable - another serving of food, replenish snacks, gather coats - another way of getting out of my head and also adding to the get together.

As for giftcards - I love them. My wallet is jack full of coffee cards
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Old 11-23-2012, 01:05 PM
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The last holiday party I threw I bought nor provided any booze. Some got irritated I said get it yourself now my family gifts consist of donations to various charities in eveyones name. Some might be peeved but not outloud. This year the chariety is to my 92 year old mom. Those that want booze can buy it themselves. Mostly it has been well received.
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Old 11-23-2012, 02:26 PM
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I have made it a point to let people know I am a recovering alcoholic. It is just so much easier . No one will ever get a bottle of Liquor from me, unless it is wine for the hostess of a dinner party.

Any parties that involve a big group of drinkers I steer clear of. Once you relate your alcoholic past , surprisingly people are very understanding, and actually come to you with questions about their own concerns of being an alcoholic.

If I had friends or family who could not understand my discomfort around alcohol, that is fine, but don't expect me to be there or gift them alcohol. I have only to answer to me.

Needless to say I decline every party involving heavy drinking. After a couple of no's they usually stop asking. They are still my friends and we will do many other things together , just not party.

Oh and I am 61, I mean there isn't a whole lot of partying left in me, I ran thru my share before I was 35...and loved every minute of it.....eh, I think!
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Old 11-23-2012, 03:24 PM
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I no longer give alcohol as gifts. No use dancing with temptation...mine or anyone else's.

Quitting has led me to getting creative in many areas of my life.

I do find I react strongly (get wistful etc) in the liquor store
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Old 11-23-2012, 04:52 PM
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Thanks everyone and you're right.. I shouldn't waist another dollar on booze even if it's not for me. I will have fun trying to come up with other creative gifts. I didn't think about being resentful when I wrote this earlier, I can see now I probably was feeling that way. Another item I will remind myself about. Thanks again, Happy Holidays.
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Old 11-23-2012, 05:58 PM
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I have recently taken up knitting! Sounds very tame, but it's helped me stop smoking, and I am making scarves, hats and soft toys for my family this Christmas. I'm also going to draw portraits, and give them as presents. All this keeps me sober, saves money, and will be something personal to give. No way am I buying alcohol for anyone. I won't have it anywhere near me - it's too soon. They say if you stay in a hairdresser's long enough you will end up getting a haircut. So these days I keep alcohol a very long distance away.
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Old 11-23-2012, 06:19 PM
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I was adamant in the beginning that I was not going to buy my husband his beer any more. Yeah, he was a little put out but he soon got on board and has been very helpful to me. I even told him this summer to stop talking about his beer. (he doesn't have a drinking problem) You have to stand up for yourself and put your foot down and congrats on your sober time!
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Old 11-23-2012, 06:50 PM
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How timely. Was just thinking how odd it would be to go into a liquor store to buy gifts after 11 months sober. Now I realise: I don't have to spend my money in there!!
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Old 11-24-2012, 04:53 AM
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booze was a good gift for me to give( and get). the 1st year sober, i realized i really didnt know the people i wanted to give a gift to! i decided that since i didnt know them and booze wasnt really a good gift, i gave gift cards and started learnin about the people i want to give gifts to.
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Old 11-24-2012, 05:35 AM
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Great job on 90 days
I know that I couldnt even buy alcohol as a gift for someone right now....id wrap it then drink it all...not quite strong enough yet.
Yeah, I am ready for the holidays to be over. The last few years have been quite stressfull to me at this time of year. Booze everywhere, people not knowing how to act or treat me as they know about my problem....bah humbug.
I understand the frustration of feeling like everything evolves around booze. And the awkardness when family members (especially ex-inlaws) dont know what to do for the best, and I end up feeling like a leper.
Im going in an inpatient program beginning Dec. 8. It was supposed to be a 3 week program but they compacted it into 2 due to the holidays. Id rather stay the extra week in there and avoid the holidays! But alas, I guess the staff need a break too.
Stay strong this time of year everyone
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Old 11-24-2012, 06:57 AM
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Hi Runner! Great job on 90 days!
My husband (who hates alcohol and therefore doesn't drink) and I have been talking about how commercialism in general and especially this time of year alcohol runs rampant. Even at my company trip a few months ago my company drops off 3 bottles of wine for each employee for "celebration". We just gave it back. We had so much more fun being sober! At the breakfast the next morning we enjoyed the beautiful day and food instead of holding our heads in disgust and in pain.

I agree with many others here - give something more personal or a thing like a box of chocolate truffles. It would be so much more fun to give! (I'm more into giving "experiences" - concert tickets, comedy shows, rides on roller coasters, etc) Sometimes breaking traditions is great! Change is hard for some people though. But I believe the change you have made in your life is more important. Don't sacrifice what you have worked so hard to obtain. Congrats again on 90 days.
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Old 11-24-2012, 10:01 AM
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Meg,

It's awesome to see you hit the 90 mark as well. I have been thinking about the holiday stuff too lately. I know that my next big test is going to be the holiday party at work next month. I'm actually thinking about not going altogether, but I'm going to discuss it with my sponsor at some point. But either way, I'm going to be visiting family again for Christmas, and that I can't avoid. My dad's side of the family drinks moderately for the most part and I will have to learn how to say no thanks and not make a big deal out of it. Meg, if I remember right, you're in AA as well. Talk to your sponsor about this and also call a few other alcoholics in your group about it. They can give you some good pointers about how to deal with all of the holiday drinking.
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Old 11-24-2012, 11:01 AM
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I must be really detached from the drinking world.. I would never even think to purchase alcohol for someone as a gift!!! Hang in there.
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Old 11-25-2012, 07:59 AM
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Well, the reality is that most folks don't have a problem with alcohol. They can have a glass of wine or cocktail and nothing bad happens.

I have friends and family like that, it doesn't bother me to be there as they enjoy their tiny amount of booze, or to buy it for them.

It IS a bit strange to be in the liquor store though. Last time I went, before Thanksgiving, they were giving away free samples of wine. The clerk tried handing one to me and I said I didn't drink. Wow did a get a funny look!
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Old 11-25-2012, 08:10 AM
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I have been reading some holiday magazines lately to keep my mind off of things (only 1.5 months sober) and these 3 dollar magazines have really good ideas for gift giving ideas such as making ornaments, making someone a stocking with all their favorite things inside, knitting, etc.

My DOC isn't drinking but I know I am addicted to anything that changes my mood so I stay clear. I wouldn't give it as a gift because when I see my family on the holidays I want them to be present. They wouldn't want me to be high on a holiday and I don't want them to be drunk.
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Old 11-25-2012, 02:53 PM
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I don't mind "regifting" alcohol but I won't buy it. I stopped buying wine for my wife when I quit because making a decision on what kind of wine is bad for me.
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