I just need to talk
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
I just need to talk
Hello, I am having a really bad day.
Here is a bit of background: my mother and I never got on, I am an introvert and she is the exact opposite. Growing up, she was always OBSESSED with image, and what the neighbours thought. This seems to run in her family, her sisters are the exact same. My sister qualified as a doctor and my mother was thrilled. Then my sister met her husband. My mother despises him, because (a) he is from Romania and (b) he is a taxi driver. I remember in 2002 when they announced their engagement, my mother cried at the kitchen table.
Fast forward 10 years, my sister is on heavy medication for her depression and illness. I am a recovering alcoholic, second time sober, have been sober for almost a year now. I have returned to college to do a postgraduate course in teaching English as a Foreign Language and I am hoping to get work abroad. In the meantime, I am also applying for jobs here in Ireland. At the moment I am living with my parents. I am finding my mother more and more difficult to live with. Myself and my dad bear the full force of her rages, and boy she can drop her bombs. The latest bomb is over the fact that my sis and brother in law (who can be very irritating at times) want to have a dinner party on Sunday, for mum, dad, myself, my brother and his girlfriend. No one really wants to go but my brother in law is insistant. I could not attend the last dinner party as I had lectures, but I heard it was a disaster. The word "dysfunctional" does not even begin to describe us. My mum is just off the phone to Y and I am bearing the full force of her rage, as dad is out. She has been screaming at me and using bad language, she said "that her sister is right, she is a bad mother because she reared three ******* idiots as children" and that "we are the laughingstock of the country since her daughter married a Romanian".
I admit it, I am 32 years old and terrified of my own mother. My therapist has been helping me to understand that when my mother turns on me, it's not really to do with me, it's her own pain and grief. But I'm still finding it very difficult. As I write this, I am in my bedroom, I am too afraid to go downstairs. I was texting my brother about it, he said that he is afraid that this is the kind of thing that could make me go backward. He also wrote: "To be fair to mum, whom I have little respect for and I think is an ignorant person generally, I have now lost faith in K (our sister). I hope K stays medicated and does not have kids unless something major changes. Don't want to bring you down, but I can understand how talking to Y or K triggers her anxiety. Her response to it is completely and utterly ******* unacceptable however. CUNTISH".
Dad has tried to get her to go to therapy before, but she went to two sessions and dropped out. She was concerned in case someone she knew might see her entering and leaving the therapists house. She calls me a "chronic alcoholic" and my sister a "chronic schizophrenic", neither of which is true. And I have explained to her that I am a recovering alcoholic. She reads one article on alcoholism and mental illness, and all of a sudden she is a diagnostician.
I am so angry right now. I could keep typing but I am crying now and I can't see the keyboard. Thank you for reading and for letting me vent, and Happy Thanksgiving to those of you that celebrate it.
Here is a bit of background: my mother and I never got on, I am an introvert and she is the exact opposite. Growing up, she was always OBSESSED with image, and what the neighbours thought. This seems to run in her family, her sisters are the exact same. My sister qualified as a doctor and my mother was thrilled. Then my sister met her husband. My mother despises him, because (a) he is from Romania and (b) he is a taxi driver. I remember in 2002 when they announced their engagement, my mother cried at the kitchen table.
Fast forward 10 years, my sister is on heavy medication for her depression and illness. I am a recovering alcoholic, second time sober, have been sober for almost a year now. I have returned to college to do a postgraduate course in teaching English as a Foreign Language and I am hoping to get work abroad. In the meantime, I am also applying for jobs here in Ireland. At the moment I am living with my parents. I am finding my mother more and more difficult to live with. Myself and my dad bear the full force of her rages, and boy she can drop her bombs. The latest bomb is over the fact that my sis and brother in law (who can be very irritating at times) want to have a dinner party on Sunday, for mum, dad, myself, my brother and his girlfriend. No one really wants to go but my brother in law is insistant. I could not attend the last dinner party as I had lectures, but I heard it was a disaster. The word "dysfunctional" does not even begin to describe us. My mum is just off the phone to Y and I am bearing the full force of her rage, as dad is out. She has been screaming at me and using bad language, she said "that her sister is right, she is a bad mother because she reared three ******* idiots as children" and that "we are the laughingstock of the country since her daughter married a Romanian".
I admit it, I am 32 years old and terrified of my own mother. My therapist has been helping me to understand that when my mother turns on me, it's not really to do with me, it's her own pain and grief. But I'm still finding it very difficult. As I write this, I am in my bedroom, I am too afraid to go downstairs. I was texting my brother about it, he said that he is afraid that this is the kind of thing that could make me go backward. He also wrote: "To be fair to mum, whom I have little respect for and I think is an ignorant person generally, I have now lost faith in K (our sister). I hope K stays medicated and does not have kids unless something major changes. Don't want to bring you down, but I can understand how talking to Y or K triggers her anxiety. Her response to it is completely and utterly ******* unacceptable however. CUNTISH".
Dad has tried to get her to go to therapy before, but she went to two sessions and dropped out. She was concerned in case someone she knew might see her entering and leaving the therapists house. She calls me a "chronic alcoholic" and my sister a "chronic schizophrenic", neither of which is true. And I have explained to her that I am a recovering alcoholic. She reads one article on alcoholism and mental illness, and all of a sudden she is a diagnostician.
I am so angry right now. I could keep typing but I am crying now and I can't see the keyboard. Thank you for reading and for letting me vent, and Happy Thanksgiving to those of you that celebrate it.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Gatineau, QC, CA
Posts: 5,100
Hi Tetra, I'm sorry fo what you are going trough.
Concentrate on your studies and keep sober. That is all you can do at this point.
This is the key to have your own life someday and make your own choices.
Concentrate on your studies and keep sober. That is all you can do at this point.
This is the key to have your own life someday and make your own choices.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 3,010
Thank you both for your reply. I am sorry if I come across as a whiny teenager, as someone on another message board said to me.
This person said "Op your an adult yet your post reads like a teenagers, if you dont like the situation at home then move out, neither of your parents have any obligation to your nor do they have to let you live in their house yet you are there so whatever way they behave while in their home is their business as I said if you dont like it move out.
As for the dinner party again your an adult if you dont want to go then dont who cares if your sister gets her knickers in a knot or if your brother in law is offended you have no obligation to them nor to their party so dont go".
It was actually my parents idea that I move back in with them.
This person said "Op your an adult yet your post reads like a teenagers, if you dont like the situation at home then move out, neither of your parents have any obligation to your nor do they have to let you live in their house yet you are there so whatever way they behave while in their home is their business as I said if you dont like it move out.
As for the dinner party again your an adult if you dont want to go then dont who cares if your sister gets her knickers in a knot or if your brother in law is offended you have no obligation to them nor to their party so dont go".
It was actually my parents idea that I move back in with them.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Tetra)) - I'm sorry for what you are going through and don't think you sound like a "whiney teenager" at all.
I'm in recovery, way too old to be living at home, but I am because of my consequences. Stepmom is an A, dad is a codie who thinks he can "fix" everyone and everything, then rages when he can't.
I spend a lot of time in my room and SR. I remind myself that this won't be forever. I leave for a little while, when I can't take it any more.
Big hugs and prayers coming your way,
Amy
I'm in recovery, way too old to be living at home, but I am because of my consequences. Stepmom is an A, dad is a codie who thinks he can "fix" everyone and everything, then rages when he can't.
I spend a lot of time in my room and SR. I remind myself that this won't be forever. I leave for a little while, when I can't take it any more.
Big hugs and prayers coming your way,
Amy
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