ZombieAttack

Day 36;

Feeling similar to yesterday.

Feel that I am drinking too much coffee at the moment; perhaps replacing the alcohol with that...

So, have decided to cut down today and replace it with more water and tea.

Have not had any coffee yet and it is nearly 11am.

This holiday period I have set myself to learning Photoshop in a lot more detail, and have been making progress on that; not drinking allows me to retain information a lot better than before. During the withdrawals I could not concentrate at all, of course, but am getting the ability back now.

Cheers

ZombieAttack

Day 38;

Christmas day.

Felt tired, yet restless, over the past few days. I can feel myself slipping into a fairly deep depression. I guess this is the beginning of the next stage.

I slept for a long time this morning. Woke up at around 6.50am as I am programmed to do, for work, but then fell asleep again until after 11am. Not done that in a while.

Will continue regardless.

Momzo

Hi zombie!

I read your thread today....I'm very proud of you! How are you doing? 😸

ZombieAttack

Ah, thanks.

I started this to document what was happening to myself, so I could read back and see how far I had come, if I got the urge to drink again.

Glad others are finding it enjoyable / useful.

I intend to continue writing it. I feel I am over the initial stages now, and onto the next part of my recovery, which I can tell is going to be an entirely new type of experience, and challenge to the manic horror of the first part.

ZombieAttack

Day 40.

Been working pretty consistently on a lot of projects I had on the boiler for the past few months now.

Feels like I can concentrate much harder, and for longer periods of time now, without getting distracted. A good sign.

The feelings of woe and regret still haunt me, and I can not see a reasonable way through any of this, as they are all due to genuine things I have / haven't done. Just need to keep on trucking and fix / improve what I can, day by day.

Looking in the mirror today, I realise I have lost a fair bit of the bloated look, and now resemble a real human again, which is good. Been getting into face packs and stuff like that recently too.

ZombieAttack

Day 42;

Bit of a weird one today...

Arranged to meet a friend yesterday to help him move apartments. Called him yesterday and he was still in bed, clearly hung over and cancelled. Annoyed me for about 30 seconds until I realised that this was me only a few months back and I was in no position to judge. It did make me realise that my sobriety was something that needs to continue, however!

Met him today and there were a few complications with the move; the agency he was supposed to go to, to get his keys, was closed. This sent him into a spinning anxiety attack. He basically refused to see sense and I had to take control to sort things out. Managed to do so, and eventually got him into his new apartment.

Well, in the middle of the day, he suggested we get a beer. I went to the shop with him, and bought him a beer. Nothing for me, of course. I had told him I was off the beer earlier on in the day, but when he actually saw that I was genuine, he seemed a bit shocked.

Anyway, after he had drunk his beer he seemed a bit more relaxed, but was still very edgy, and negative. I asked him what he had been doing with himself for the past year, and he basically had nothing to say. I honestly suspect that he has basically spent the entire time drinking and waxing lyrical about things, but without actually doing anything. Shame.

Now that I am sober, I am seeing things in ever-increasing clarity, especially when it comes to my associates drinking habits. Being an alcoholic myself, and knowing how I used to behave, I can see the signs of a drinking problem a mile off, and he was definitely in this camp. Shame; he is pretty much exactly the same age as me to the day. Hope he can find the strength to sort it out.

Change4good

Hi Zombie,

I am new to this thread, but just finished reading your experiences through your first 42 days. Thanks for sharing. . .it was enlightening and encouraging to read. You are doing so well.

I am on Day 2. I have had a lot of them. But reading threads like this one help so much. Congrats buddy.

ZombieAttack

Thanks a lot.

Glad that others are finding a use for it. Never set out to inspire anybody, but if I can do, even when I am feeling like death warmed up, then that is a bonus.

Just thought of an addition to the previous entry in my soliloquy...

When I was sat with my friend today, and he was drinking beer, and chain smoking away the smell was almost overwhelming. When he had finished, he smelled of alcohol for a very long time after, and that was just from one can.

I suspect I am hyper sensitive to the smell of alcohol now, as I seem to be smelling it everywhere! Mornings in my office absolutely humm of booze now!

RobbyRobot

Awesome testimonial thread, ZombieAttack!

Success! Best wishes!

paul99

Well, you are certainly going to see a lot of that around you, and having been there none too long ago, you will find yourself identifying with those people, as you mentioned. I have to remind myself to stand away from judgement and remember that I was there myself. I cannot play rescuer, but I can offer my experience if they are willing to hear it. I have also been guilty of mind reading, story creating and assumption making . I now try to come to a place where I approach with love and acceptance of others, regardless if they see what I see. And hell, what I see is not always right (hard for an alcoholic to admit...ha ha)

ZombieAttack

Very much appreciate what you are saying and please let it be clearly known that I was, and am in now way judging or looking down on anybody - how could I!

I suppose I am just sad to see so much of myself in him.

ZombieAttack

Day 47

Was feeling OK for a while, then went out on my bike and rode quite hard.

Had another migraine and liver area felt a bit weird. 47 days does feel like a long time for me, but in the grand scheme of things I suspect that physically and mentally I still have a lot of healing to do.

Well, will continue regardless!

Cheers

mayham

Good luck!!! Ur doing better than me.

ZombieAttack

Well, there is only one way to get better, and that is to just not drink!

ZombieAttack

Day 48.

Been feeling pretty bad.

Physically and mentally low, with the new addition of what I think might be anxiety / panic attacks slipping in.

Very weird.

Decided to go to the hospital on Monday to get checked out.

ZombieAttack

Day 50 (Yay...)

Still feeling bad and scheduled to visit the hospital with my S.O. tomorrow morning.

I have been riding my bike recently, trying to up the distance and intensity, and I just been absolutely battered after each session, when this time last year I would have breezed it. No idea what is wrong, but I hope it is just part of the recovery.

I feel mentally very up and down still; I have been doing a lot of desk work and I can feel the waves of happy and low coming on regularly. It is actually a very bizarre feeling.

I feel somehow that the mist is clearing in my mind from years of masking by alcohol, and in a way it is finally allowed time to rest, and this is what is causing all of this mental anguish.

Anybody else felt like this around day 50? Would like to know some of your experiences.

Cheers

justanother1

Good job, I am at day 28, physically I am okay, but I mentally I feel very low. Working out a lot is fine for me, but I also have o lot of studying to do and I am totally unable to focus. Good luck at the hospital!

paul99

I was still a bit of a zombie even after two months. My wife likes to remind me of that now and then. I could say that mentally, I was still rebounding from all the years of abuse. I was forgetful and couldn't focus as much I thought I could. And emotionally, I was all over the place - wanted to hug everyone one moment, then wanted to strangle them the next moment. It's pretty normal, from all the folks I have shared this with. But the good news is that this stuff starts to lift. The emotional part certainly was aided by my working the steps of AA. But nonetheless, it does level out. Don't put pressure on yourself to get out of this fog. Certainly get yourself checked out, but give yourself time to heal.

hamabi

Sorry you're continuing to feel badly and hope the visit to the hospital results in some relief.

ZombieAttack

Day 51

Just got back from the hospital.

Had blood test, and physical examination, and got the results there and then (yay for super efficient Japanese hospital)

Blood test showed nothing wrong with my liver levels, cholesterol, kidneys, blood cells, or anything like that, and the doctor also mentioned that the results would have given evidence of scarring had there been any, but there isn't. The only thing I have is a slightly elevated blood sugar level, which they are going to look into for me.

I also opted for a full scan of my liver to check it out visually, which I am due to get on Sunday.

So, will let you know about that when it happens.

This took a matter of hours and I would recommend you all to go and get it done to know where you stand.