Hit the wall
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Melbourne VIC
Posts: 94
Hit the wall
I have been feeling really great up until this morning. Just got through my 15th weekend without booze but I am feeling really frustrated at the moment. I was at a friends yesterday evening and he was making cocktails for everyone as summer has just begun to hit here and it was a beautiful day sitting by the pool - I really wanted one... I am feeling really stressed because of upcoming exams and I was have a troublesome day with my partner, I just wanted to sit back with everyone else and have a refreshing cocktail on a sunday afternoon, I didn't so much feel like that at the time but today it is really bothering me that I can't just have one, I know that I can't because I know what that may lead too but I just feel really angry toward myself, that I can't control my drinking and have to be the odd one out. I just wish it were different sometimes. 
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I tried to avoid those lazing by the pool cocktail moments for a while JungleGirl...at least until I was rock solid in the knowledge I wanted to be sober, no matter what.
I think sobriety's like weight training...we don't immediately lift our own body weight...it takes time to work ourselves up...
it's ok to think about social occasions we've been invited to and it's ok to say 'no thanks not this time'
no need to be a hermit tho - it can take a little extra effort to begin with but I'm sure you can think of fun stuff to do that doesn't involve watching people drink
D
I think sobriety's like weight training...we don't immediately lift our own body weight...it takes time to work ourselves up...
it's ok to think about social occasions we've been invited to and it's ok to say 'no thanks not this time'
no need to be a hermit tho - it can take a little extra effort to begin with but I'm sure you can think of fun stuff to do that doesn't involve watching people drink
D
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 29
Howdy Jungle Girl
Thoughts of drinking and remembering the good times are not unusual, especially in the early days of sobriety. The trick for me is to avoid latching on to the thought and turning it into an action. I wish there was an easy recipe, but there is not. Some days are harder than others, but as long as I stay focused on recovery those tough days become less and less common.
I had four years sober when I convinced myself it was OK to drink again. The first months were fairly harmless, only a couple of drinks here and there, and I thought I had it licked. Fast forward six months and I am fighting with the cops. More problems after that. Stopped again for nearly five years, then another two years of hell that I am still struggling through (no drink etc for 17 days...still suffering minor hallucinations, muscle spasms, and ringing in the ears, but thankfully no thoughts of drinking etc). Those good times are long gone. I have four college degrees, I thought I was smart enough to reason my way through this problem. No such luck.
Stay strong...those thoughts are temporary and will fade away if you don't latch onto them. Easier said than done some days...
Thoughts of drinking and remembering the good times are not unusual, especially in the early days of sobriety. The trick for me is to avoid latching on to the thought and turning it into an action. I wish there was an easy recipe, but there is not. Some days are harder than others, but as long as I stay focused on recovery those tough days become less and less common.
I had four years sober when I convinced myself it was OK to drink again. The first months were fairly harmless, only a couple of drinks here and there, and I thought I had it licked. Fast forward six months and I am fighting with the cops. More problems after that. Stopped again for nearly five years, then another two years of hell that I am still struggling through (no drink etc for 17 days...still suffering minor hallucinations, muscle spasms, and ringing in the ears, but thankfully no thoughts of drinking etc). Those good times are long gone. I have four college degrees, I thought I was smart enough to reason my way through this problem. No such luck.
Stay strong...those thoughts are temporary and will fade away if you don't latch onto them. Easier said than done some days...
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Melbourne VIC
Posts: 94
Thank you for your advice I generally would avoid these occasions but it is my best friend who has just returned from a few years overseas and the house with the pool has a lot of childhood memories and is about to be sold, so I'm in a bit of a pickle! I have been in this type of situation quite a lot over the last few months and have always been fine, I don't know what was different this time.
Thanks socaldg, I know what you mean by "latching onto the thought" that is when it all unravels, I hope you can find continuing success in the long term
I generally would avoid these occasions but it is my best friend who has just returned from a few years overseas and the house with the pool has a lot of childhood memories and is about to be sold, so I'm in a bit of a pickle! I have been in this type of situation quite a lot over the last few months and have always been fine, I don't know what was different this time. Thanks socaldg, I know what you mean by "latching onto the thought" that is when it all unravels, I hope you can find continuing success in the long term
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: canada
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"I just feel really angry toward myself, that I can't control my drinking"
Jungle girl,
maybe give this some more thought, get some more clarity: being angry at ourselves about being unable to control something that we CANNOT control would suggest that we still belive we CAN control...no?
Jungle girl,
maybe give this some more thought, get some more clarity: being angry at ourselves about being unable to control something that we CANNOT control would suggest that we still belive we CAN control...no?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Toronto, Ontario
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You mention about being the odd one out. I am constantly shocked at the amount of people who don't drink at social occasions. Not because they are sober alcoholics (may be so, but who knows), but there are people who are driving, others who have medical conditions (i.e. taking pills, etc), etc. and some people (gasp!) just don't like to drink for whatever reason. I never noticed that group of people EVER when I was drinking. I just focused on the other drinkers. When I go to social situations, many folks aren't drinking, or if they are it's just a few at most. I am usually not at any place that people are getting trashed. But even then it doesn't bother me.
The thing that shifted my perception is that I have to remember that I am not being deprived of anything by not drinking. My illness may say that I am, but really, I am adding to my life by the subtraction of the drink. The idea that I can drink like other people has been smashed, and I must continue to make sure it stays smashed. So I need to pull away from that focus and look towards all the other things I can do and not the one thing I can't.
I had to change my playroom and playmates when I stopped drinking. It really helped early on in my recovery...so don't be afraid to pass up some events, if it helps your sobriety. There will always be more things that come up!
The thing that shifted my perception is that I have to remember that I am not being deprived of anything by not drinking. My illness may say that I am, but really, I am adding to my life by the subtraction of the drink. The idea that I can drink like other people has been smashed, and I must continue to make sure it stays smashed. So I need to pull away from that focus and look towards all the other things I can do and not the one thing I can't.
I had to change my playroom and playmates when I stopped drinking. It really helped early on in my recovery...so don't be afraid to pass up some events, if it helps your sobriety. There will always be more things that come up!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Calif
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junglegirl i bet that was difficult situation. a few times i been placed in a few situations where i had a history of drinking such like your story of being around friends and environments. one time i settled for bottle water while others drank some beer.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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all great points and advice. I know I will be ok and maybe it is just a bad day today, I have also noticed a lot of people don't drink at social events and when people are trashed I am actually more empowered because I don't want to be like that, it's the intimate situations when there are 6 people around just having one drink before dinner that gets to me, but still not enought to make me drink. I think what made it worse was that my step-mother was having a drink too and she never drinks - certainly never gets drunk so that got me thinking. It's ok though, I'm sure I'm going to experience these feelings from time to time and I'll be ok
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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jumglegirl. in some way when i am in a situation where i want to drink and i do not, i have a strong sense of empowerment. right now i would normally have my drink while i surf the net, but i am not and i know tomorrow i will feel great that i did not drink. but congrats to you!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
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Dry people dry places, sandwich between meetings , fit spiritual condition, I don't avoid going to cookouts or family parties I just always have a escape plan And try to see what I can bring to the party emotionally. Rember alcholism is a disease that talks to us. Be honest to yourself about these situations
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
A refreshing cocktail? I drank a swimming pool full of booze but I never had one of those. The concept of deprivation is a tough one to abide, so ask what is it that you are depriving yourself of? For me, drinking was depriving me of everything that I could ever value - my mental and physical health, my family, and my self respect. I decided that I was going to have those things that alcohol was taking from me, and I was never going let go of them again.
You can make this choice, you really can. Believe that you will, and you just might.
You can make this choice, you really can. Believe that you will, and you just might.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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I thought about everything I read yesterday on here and am feeling much stronger again today
being angry at ourselves about being unable to control something that we CANNOT control would suggest that we still belive we CAN control...no?
you are right, this is something I cannot control, I was still thinking maybe one day I might be able too but I realised it doesn't matter if I stopped drinking for a week, a month or 10 years I still wouldn't be able to control the effect alcohol has on me or the person I turn in to - oddly reassuring..
For me, drinking was depriving me of everything that I could ever value - my mental and physical health, my family, and my self respect. I decided that I was going to have those things that alcohol was taking from me, and I was never going let go of them again.
I have no self respect after a night out drinking, I feel ashamed and humiliated, I just needed to remeber that!
Next time I'll get a bottle of soda water and some lemon and have my own refreshing drink
being angry at ourselves about being unable to control something that we CANNOT control would suggest that we still belive we CAN control...no?
you are right, this is something I cannot control, I was still thinking maybe one day I might be able too but I realised it doesn't matter if I stopped drinking for a week, a month or 10 years I still wouldn't be able to control the effect alcohol has on me or the person I turn in to - oddly reassuring..
For me, drinking was depriving me of everything that I could ever value - my mental and physical health, my family, and my self respect. I decided that I was going to have those things that alcohol was taking from me, and I was never going let go of them again.
I have no self respect after a night out drinking, I feel ashamed and humiliated, I just needed to remeber that!
Next time I'll get a bottle of soda water and some lemon and have my own refreshing drink
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Cape Cod, Massachusetts
Posts: 367
Originally Posted by JungleGirl 
[I]For me, drinking was depriving me of everything that I could ever value - my mental and physical health, my family, and my self respect.......I have no self respect after a night out drinking, I feel ashamed and humiliated.....
You do realize, in light of those facts, if drinking seems appealing to you at times, that speaks volumes about your relationship with alcohol. Personally I have never got drunk from NOT being around situations like that.
Join Date: Aug 2011
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"refreshing cocktail on a warm sunny day by the pool"...reminds me of how I have recalled those picturesque day long motorcycle rides with my ex...the wind in my hair, he's rubbing my leg, kissing me at the stoplight...
oh wait...that's the same guy who choked me, pulled my hair and called me a wh*re.
The mind is a tricky thing, and language is very powerful. Be very aware of the line between fantasy and reality. It's a very clear demarcation once you learn to recognize what's going on.
oh wait...that's the same guy who choked me, pulled my hair and called me a wh*re.
The mind is a tricky thing, and language is very powerful. Be very aware of the line between fantasy and reality. It's a very clear demarcation once you learn to recognize what's going on.
Colts!
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 41
JungleGirl, your sentiments really hit home with me. Sometimes I still feel that "jealousy" and "resentment" that I can't have a social drink with my friends. I find it very reassuring though to remember the phrase "...cunning, baffling, powerful."
If I dig deep, I know ONE drink isn't truly what I want. I want one BOTTLE. It has been said that self-pity and resentments will crush your sobriety. So in these cases I just remind myself that I don't want a drink, my disease does. I'm not missing out on anything, my disease is. And lastly, I don't have to worry about any of it, because if I try and control it, the disease will win. I am powerless over alcohol. Let go and let God. All the cheesy sayings make it a little easier to focus on having a good time and enjoying the company without fretting over whether or not I have alcohol to hide behind.
Hope you can relate!
If I dig deep, I know ONE drink isn't truly what I want. I want one BOTTLE. It has been said that self-pity and resentments will crush your sobriety. So in these cases I just remind myself that I don't want a drink, my disease does. I'm not missing out on anything, my disease is. And lastly, I don't have to worry about any of it, because if I try and control it, the disease will win. I am powerless over alcohol. Let go and let God. All the cheesy sayings make it a little easier to focus on having a good time and enjoying the company without fretting over whether or not I have alcohol to hide behind.
Hope you can relate!
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